Summer Is Gonna Get You & Sliding Into DM’s

Happy Summer! Is it getting the better of you too? Summer is getting me into all sorts of trouble, because beer gardens and the art of ‘good times,’ keep ‘beckoning’ me forward. But you only live once, and you’ve really got to enjoy life. (That’s my excuse, every single time. When do we ever get a Summer as delicious as this?? If we don’t embrace it now, it’ll pass us by and leave us all grumpy. When ‘Jumpers & Dumpling’ season kicks in, we’ll be pulling faces and wishing we did more beer gardens.)

I say HAPPY SUMMER. LET’S DRINK!

 If we win the World Cup & Adam wins Love Island, shit will go bananas. Summer 18, is MENTAL. Hands up, if you here me now!

So yeah, like any Glamour Puss, with a keen eye for the jollies, temptation always gets the better of me, so I’ve been galloping off for fun, instead of concentrating on work. (Never a good thing. NEVER, a good ting.) The only situation, where in which temptation doesn’t ‘champion,’ is only when it comes to men. I’m good at resisting the gents, because in my lifetime and mainly in LA (and I’m missing Hollywood Life SO MUCH right now,) I encountered quite a good, jolly bunch of suitors and potential suitors. I’ve romanced the gentlemen. Zillions of them, all over the globe. I’ve lived. I’ve loved. I’ve learnt a lot…. and I’m therefore not arsed about suffering from a broken heart, in a bikini at 37, just yet. Lol.

ALL WALLS UP! SAFETY FIRST, ALWAYS! 🙂

In general, life hasn’t really handed me good set of cards, in the ‘true love’ department, has it? I get a lot of attention from the boys. That parts true. They crush on an insta pic, see me in a bar, sit next to me on a train or hear about a land I call ‘Wunna’ ( I’m always someone that people accidentally discover, they will not know anything about me, when their eyes first catch mine.) Then they decide to jiggle forward. Which is GREAT!

Woohoo! It’s Great!

HOWEVER, when it does come to ‘true love,’ that unconditional ‘REAL DEAL.’ Y’know? Just a guy who can truly love me, or care about me, just as I am. One that can treat me with all the love and respect in the world..Well, I haven’t been so lucky, yet have I? And don’t get me wrong, i’ve sold myself short, quite a few times. Lol.

OOps! 😉

Yet, there’s nothing wrong with that, if a lesson is learnt. Sometimes we have to mess up LOADS of times, in order to learn ONE little lesson, correctly. (Well, I do anyway. 😉 It’s the only downside to having an adventurous soul.)  As, I always say, provided some kind of lesson is learnt, then i’m quite happy to have *danced* the experience. Even if it’s shocking.

NO REGRETS! IT’S ALL GRAVY BABY!

In fact, if i’m being honest, (here we go,) THE ONLY guy to have ever truly loved me, with all of his soul, was my FIRST husband Mikey..and I may have been in a lot of relationships since that time, even two more marriages. (I was only a young 20 something, then.) I don’t think anyone has ever cared about me, or treated me as well, as he did. It wasn’t even a whirlwind. It was really solid. Really real. Really fun. And I love that not a single soul, but us, knows about our time. It was filled with utter romance. Old school romance.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a ‘dwelling on the past’ moment, (I don’t do that,) as I can pick great things out about every guy i’ve dated, we all could. (I can also pick shitty things out also. 😉 )

Yeehaa!

What I’m saying is, that when it comes to love, he INSPIRED ME because now I  know what to look for, in my quest for the ‘TRUE’ kinda ‘doo daa.’ 

Here me now, Cupid!

I’m definitely a girl who knows what I want. Saying that, I dreamt that I’d be held hostage last night, after being on a weird horror ride at some American theme park. It had a carriage full of every single person in the world, that I have ever let down. Then some dude decide he wanted to hold me hostage, in a really lovely, sunny villa. Then  burlesque dancer danced by me, holding my slippers, that had Bart Simpson toys in them?

I’m sure this means i’m no longer mentally stable?

(I nearly woke up crying, so I shocked myself up quickly and checked my Insta Likes, to make sure the world was still a safe place. 😉 )

Ah Dee Dums.

I was meant to continue my last blog and tell you about my guy friends replying to all my DM’s when drunk. Instead I went on a LOVE RANT! (Haha.) But f**k it, LOVE just means a lot to me and when something does, I’m sincerely careful with my choices. I treasure my loved ones with all my heart.

To say i’m labelled a ‘floozy,’ I reckon i’m more decent than some. 😉

But yeah…OH MY GOD, the other night, when we were all out drinking, at The Carleton… Rhys, Will & Ollie decided to pick up my (everyone makes fun of it) peacock phone, swizzle through my Facebook DM’s and reply to them….AS ME! Lol.

(The last time this happened, my good friend ‘Dodge’ typed ‘I’ve had a whisky baby and i’m drying up to a male Wunna Fan…who then proceeded to send me EXTREMELY dodgy, videos of his genitals for a month straight. DO KNOW, that I do not reply to my DM’s unless it’s work related, something lovely about the blog, or well…basically, I don’t reply to any sleezy DM’s, EVER!)

Now, I not sure what any of them wrote, but they chose a guy (who was in Florida) and they just went for it, with all of their souls. All I managed to read was…

 ‘I’ll show you everything for £8.70 and a pack of Wotsits.’

(Then something about me being a Lady boy. Old material, on fresh ears. Lol)

WHAT IS MY LIFE.

(I HAVE already apologized to him. But it’s still just a laugh. I’m a laid back party member. The only line I didn’t let them cross, was answering any video calls, or replying to any serious messages.)

Then Sheffield Greg & Ginger Brad (who actually isn’t as Ginger as I thought, because he’s getting a tan and Gingers can’t tan,) decided to take part with the replying…So this Florida, Wunna Fan, had five of my guy friends, sending him messages, from a Yorkshire pub….for a laugh. But he took it really well!

Me: ‘I can’t actually believe how excited you all are about this…’

Sheffield Greg: ‘What! This never happens to us! It’s fun. Why are you not letting us have fun!’

(Maybe because it’s at MY f****** EXPENSE. Lol)

Each guy would type something hideous. Yet, the Wunna Fan in Florida would still reply. He was actually really good fun…

Me: ‘Hang on a second. His replies are actually funny. Show me profile! He’s banter. I might fancy him…’

Ginger Brad: ‘He’s not banter…’

Then all of a sudden the messaging stopped…

Mwahahahahaha!

You’d think Ginger Brad and Sheffield Greg, would’ve got bored, by then. But instead, they decided to message each other… seductively. Greg picked up his own phone and started messaging ‘Chrissie Wunna.’ Then Brad was on MY phone PRETENDING TO BE ME, replying to GREG…. I was stood right next to him?? Lol.

*ROLLS EYES*

Like toddlers in a pubby playpen, they proceeded to have a blast. I just drank, cos fuck it.

Then I went home, and left them to handle life, without my assistance. I don’t think they did too well, because I definitely received a bunch of messages and early morning calls, stating that one of them needed to be carried to a meeting and the other…well…was sincerely ‘disappointed’ by my actions.

The next day Golfer Jonny, was found massaging ‘Not So Ginger’ Brad, in slow motion. Definitely pervy and KatyP’slaugh in slow motion, is certainly birthed by Satan.

Happy Summer Though.

Chrissie,

Thank you for following my life. x

 

 

 

Learning Life as I go along & a Cactus

Image may contain: Chrissie Wunna, smiling

Aww! Today I was gonna *boast* about how happy I am! How free I’m feeling! How *dipped* in independency and swirled in ‘doing my own, diddly do,’ I am. How lucky that little old ‘life dice’ has been rolled, for me. How great my ‘Talking Heads’ 😉 ¾ hairpiece is making me look, to say I didn’t have time to wash my hair, this morning.

Then *chugga,chugga,chugga* the left back wheel of my car decides to not turn and *yippadeedoo,* I’m all broken down again.

Hurrah! *Can Can* kicks all around. And ‘balls’ to it. Let’s throw in a jazzy conga line.

Away from that, exciting things are happening. Breaking down was actually fine. It forced me to have to take a wee little stroll, distant from work, whilst delivering an opportunity to actually ‘smell the roses.’ I forget to. I OFTEN do. And I’ve noticed that at times, I’ll sort of live in the past. I’ll look back and have a cosy ‘dwellathon,’ instead of marching forward. (I have the word ‘MARCH’ tattooed on my inner right arm & yes it is the last name of a boy I met in LA, who I never actually dated J..However, now, whenever I look at it, it reminds me to stride forward.) You shouldn’t look back, you might trip over feelings. You can do that when you’re 80, because by that time, ‘looking back’ and memories, will be all you have.

OR YOU COULD BE ORDERING 102 CATS LIKE MOI, SO YOU CAN SIT AND CRY IN A LONELY BEDSIT.

I’ve also notice that when you CRAVE an outcome, a result, that you can’t actually control and you do it without patience. It can be in work, in love…or anything? (Do know that I am not naturally a patient person. I’m certainly someone who wants, what I want…and kinda wants it NOW. Lol I don’t like things that are too hard to get and I’ve only LEARNT to be patient of recent, because I’m a child. J ) When you find yourself doing that…You’re living in the future and although i’m a stickler for dreaming and turning dreams into a reality. Y’know ‘grafting the grind’ to get to where you want to be…It’s just not a healthy shimmie of ‘ooh laa,’ is it? It sprinkles a shower of stress, on your merry kitten soul, which absorbs through your system before..

 EATING YOU ALIVE!!

CALL THE DOCTOR!

So, I guess…. RIGHT NOW, THIS MINUTE, THIS MOMENT.. is ALL that matters. It’s the people who can appreciate where they currently are, with an utter comfortable happiness, that stay balanced, emotionally well and therefore get the opportunity wiggle their hand, over that juicy little ‘success button.’

It’s hard, innit? But it’s true. And the clichéd.. ‘You could walk out onto the street today and get run over by a bus,’ thing, is a saying that we’ve all heard people chirp out. ..every chirpy day. We hear it! We never really absorb it! We don’t really think it would happen! So  we don’t at all care!

But STOP PRESS… it could..

So, if I could teach you anything, from how I’m feeling about my life right now, at a jolly 37 years old..It would be, to make sure that you DO TRY to appreciate the present..This little minute. It’s good for the soul…and makes Pina Coladas be a delicious act of merriment, rather than a reason to drown those sassy sorrows.

I shouldn’t go on walks should I! Haha.  I sound like flipping ‘Dolly Do Gooder.’

Spreading cheer, every day! Where’s the RUM??

Anyway, like I said, lots of exciting work things are happening. I always say that, and stop.

I’ve put my love life on hold, because it never seems to be my forte. It never makes me happy, because I never find my ‘Hero,’ do I? I’m not ready to! I’m happy as I am and I’m fully concentrating on work…on Wunna Land. MY Land. I feel quite fulfilled. But I feel like I have my hands full, already!

Guys, never make life easy on you, do they? Plus, let’s face it, I don’t really fancy a dollop of heartbreak, right now. It only sends me to the nearest bar, to cry into a cocktail afterward. I’ve got used to being SO unlucky in love, that it doesn’t even make me cry anymore. Which is a positive. Haha. It doesn’t even bother me. I can now, quite happily, read a message, hear a ‘no,’ feel a ‘nah, babe’ and casually move it along, whilst Salsa Dancing.

AND THAT MY DOLLS, IS SUCH A DELICIOUS SUPER POWER.

I’m back on your telly shortly. I’m auditioning. I’m working really hard. I’m currently doing a lot of waiting…That’s why I rambled on about patience earlier. Lol. I’m not a good ‘waiter.’ I’m a GO GET IT, with BZINGA, kinda girl.  I’m writing a lot for people.  I’m lucky, because i’m getting to ‘article’ and express for all kinds of brands, in diary form, which is just something that I was kinda born to do. I think, i’d like a really popular column one day. Saying that, I have a popular blog, a space in cyber land, already, which is serving me pretty well. I’m still watching Love Island, yet it’s getting a bit ‘vanilla’ now. I only like it when there’s ‘drama, drama, drama,’ eliminations and a ‘What has Adam done now,’ episode. That definitely means i’m sick. But I love that about me. I’m the squeezed lime in your Corona.

Influencing is going well. But I’m putting time to one side, because i’m actually currently writing a book. I’m writing it myself and I’m never gonna hit the deadline. It’s had to be pushed back and pushed back, sooo many times, that my agent is fuming and ‘shitting all kinds of literary bricks.’ The funny things is, it’s only a re release and redition of my previous book, so you’d think i’d have it easy. I must like to make things…I’d prefer to say ‘tings,’ hard for myself. I enjoy working under pressure. Leave me to my own devices and I’ll just go off, have a rummy cocktail, chat to friends, take the babies to the zoo…literally anything but sit and write the goddamn book. J

I’ve just taken a picture of a cactus. I have no clue why? But I’m currently blogging from Ackworth Garden Centre, at their coffee shop. In case you didn’t know, a CACTUS, is actually my favourite thing to buy a date….early on in ‘the tango.’

I once bought a boy one, during a ‘hotel night’ date. It was our third date.. It looked like a penis and he loved it so much, he left it there. Haha. I prefer it when they save the Cactus and treasure it forever. It’ll remind them of their prickly time with me. He was a douche anyway and I’m never one to ever say someone is a DOUCHE, unless they really are one. (You know who you are.) That was years ago by the way. I’m like a Villan who leaves ‘Cacti’ across lands, whilst evil laughing.

Right, i’m off now. I’m hoping my car’s fixed soon. I’m SO GLAD IT’S THE WEEKEND and I’ll be spending it ALL, with my little ‘charms,’ my babies..Ruby & Junior. When I was driving them to school this morning, I shouted out…

‘Ruby…Junior…I love you both SO MADLY.’

They paused….’Freaky Friday’ was playing in the background and they just BURST INTO, the most joyous fit of laughter…Then told me my boobs look like ‘coconuts.’

Then we broke down. Haha. I wouldn’t have it any other way.  😉

Thank you for following my life…