When I Did Santa’s Grotto…

Image may contain: 1 person

Saturday was a magical. It was divine. I adore Christmas, it’s my favourite time of year. I want us all to pour a Bailey’s and get on with it now. Is it technically still Autumn, but I’m classing it as Winter now? It’s winter as soon as I put my Pretty Little Thing ‘Cheetah Bikini’ away in August. Either way, the earlier I can *whop* out a bit of merriment, a bit of tinsel and wrap it in a ‘warmth’ of happy beams,’ i’m happy.

I love it when things in life make people *beam.* It’s contagious, like the art of  the ‘we’ll just have ONE MORE drink,’ syndrome.

Beam’s make my entire world glow. I kinda need MORE of them. Lol.

(I hope The Gods are hearing me!!! I’ll even take ‘Two For One’ Bargain beams, please.)

Hang on one second. I just need to check someone’s Insta Story.  I heard a song on their story, early yesterday morning…Well…the lyrics to a song, which made me pause and ‘revisit.’ Y’know, it made me remember everything. I even Googled the words…just so I could get lost in the notion of romance for a second…

Yes, I’m that tragic. (Shush you, they’ll be writing memories on me when i’m frail, in an old people’s home with my 99 pet cat.)

Anyway…every Saturday is my big DAY with Ruby & Junior. I always give us something to look forward to. Excitement is important to me, so I plant it in their lives constantly. The excitement for Saturday, also makes Friday night’s magical. Plus, often on Sundays (or late Saturday night’s) for Junior, they  have to ‘tango’ off to their Fathers.

I felt bed for Junior, because had such a GREAT Saturday with me, that he begged me not to take him… (It’s always difficult. But for now, ‘until i’m big’ he says…It’s kinda how it is.)

I get along with Keiran, when it comes to the co parenting situation. We do it well. Yet, we just ‘parent’ so differently, because he’s hyper religious right now..I worry that it effects the babiest baby of Wunna Land. (But I would, wouldn’t I..)

Junior: ‘I’m going to nap…so when I get there i’m asleep.’

He tried. He couldn’t. He whispered…

‘I love you Mama. You’re the bestest Mama I ever had.’

It was 7pm, Saturday night. The streets were dark as I drove to do the ‘drop off.’ . My eyes filled up…but they were happy tears. It’s strange how when you care about a being so much, their gratification of your existence, simply means the world to you, doesn’t it? Lol.

He made me feel like the best Mother in the entire world. I’m certainly not. I’m doing it with ‘L’ Plates on. But if I was judged on unconditional love and fun, like most Mums….I’d pass with flying colours.

Ruby taught me strength, patience & purpose. Junior put the ‘cherry on top’ when it came to LOVING being a single mum.

I’m sure growing up in Wunna land is not that easy, but I KNOW it’s probably the most magical experience ever. Lol.

Anyway…

That’s not what I wanted to tell you about.

Saturday was a dream. The kids and I decided to ‘deck the halls’ and go see Santa’s to ignite our Christmas Spirit. He was arriving at Ackworth Garden Centre (which is known for having one of THE BEST Santa’s Grotto’s in all the land) and when you’re given free mulled wined and mince pies, on demand, upon launch day, it’s literally a parents dream! (We go to this Grotto every year…So it’s kind of a tradition.)

‘Tis the season, Baby!

I want elves with trays of free mulled wine to live in my HOUSE & roam freely ofcourse….until i’m parched.

We got there early for breakfast. We always do.  I mean that’s the great thing, because you can rock up to the Garden centre and have a coffee, speciality teas, breakfast, salad…You name it…They’ve got it. And the coffee shop is lovely! You’re surrounded by Christmas.

The kids were so excited they could’ve BURST. They were up at six o clock in the morning, harassing me and jumping on my bed, madly, because they couldn’t wait to see Santa.

Me: ‘It’s NOT YET! Lol. Santa’s not up yet!!! LEAVE ME ALONE. Haha.’

I laid there half naked, with no face on, rollers in my hair, trying to swallow swear words, in some kind of ‘what the *&*&*&$£”!!8* ‘ wake up, shock.

It was literally like an Asian Earthquake had erupted, in Boobie land. Lol.

Ruby had puked all night, yet seemed to make a recovery come ‘Santa’ time. 

(It’s the magic of Christmas.) 

I’m close to every one at the garden centre. I mean ‘Jenna’ one of my closest friends BUILT THE GROTTO! Can you even believe it! And she loved every single second of it! I certainly couldn’t build a Grotto, but I guess we all have our strengths! Lol. I once saw a pile of logs in my friend’s back garden at 11pm one night. I think we were in London? I tried to convince them to throw some fairy lights on the logs, get a Santa suit and start charging children to come visit.

Friend: ‘I’m sure we can get arrested for that, Chrissie.’

My children have literally grown up at the garden centre. They’ve watched Ruby & Junior tinker through the years and have gone out of their way to adore them always, even when they’re nuts. So, it couldn’t feel more wonderful to go celebrate Christmas and visit Harpin’s Grotto. J It’s my safe place. I have so memories great memories within those walls.

We’ve all shared secrets, had our hearts heal, our hearts break, laughed out loud, bitched, bickered, but most of all LOVED. I’ve made friends for life in that place, over the years.

Just before 2pm, Santa’s big arrival… Ruby, Junior and I went on a ‘Reindeer Hunt.’ I’m rubbish at games like this, because i don’t have the patience or the ability to look enthusiastic or to feel warm, during the outside bits. Haha. I hate the cold. Yet, weirdly, I went with it anyway…and yes, with a smile.

The Christmas Spirit is all around this year!

I hunted for reindeers around the store, inside and out. I loved it. (Even though the first reindeer I found was ‘Cupid’ and as you know, Cupid and I are not always mates. 😉 It’s a rough ‘reindeer hunt’ start!

‘Hey, just to remind you…no dude will ever truly love you…’

Yipppeeee!! Merry Christmas!

Anyway, out of nowhere, like some kind of whirl of a swizzle, I looked up for a second to screeches of joy, as giant Pikachu, Peppa Pig and Paw Patrol Chase appeared from nowhere, as gaggles of joyous kiddie winks, burst with joy…(I’d lost mine by this point, as Pikachu obviously trumps Mum.) And before you know it, Christmas had started…

Santa made a GRAND superstar horse and carriage entrance, outside the garden centre, to children, cameras, selfie mania, characters, mulled wined mums and mince pies.

At this point Ruby & Junior just froze.They froze when they see Santa, because they see him as a figure of authority (lol)…The guy who’s gonna decide what ‘list’ their on, and upon that list picking will hand out presents accordingly. Plus, even though they’re nuts, they’re the politest human beings when it comes to respecting their elders etc…(School taught them another level of class, as let’s face it Wunna Land certainly didn’t. Haha)

It was jolly! It was mesmerizing.

It was exactly, where I wanted to spend my afternoon. I wouldn’t have wanted to be any where else int he world, but there, at that precise moment. My world was complete.I loved watching their hearts flutter….

Then like lighting, they zoomed to the Grotto entrance, to try and shimmie in first…(They went in second lol) and forget the kids, OH MY GOSH, I WAS IN ABSOLUTE AWE, of how amazing the Grotto was!!

It’s always good at the Garden Centre..But this year IT IS UNREAL.

It wasn’t the usual, every Christmas day, shopping centre, give up the ‘be grudging’ pences, walk behind a curtain, get a gift and leave in 3 minutes, after a piccie, kind of thing.

It was…well IS… AND ADVENTURE.

If I could describe the moment as anything…I’d say it was discovering Narnia, at the back of your wardrobe…Yet, instead of lions and witches, you found workshops and happy penguins….I was lost in the magic of the North Pole. That’s where you get your ticket to…and the FIRST THING you can do, (if you wish) is sit and write Santa a letter, IN a mini elves workshop, that you POST.

ALL LETTERS POSTED, GET AN ACTUAL REPLY FROM SANTA!!!!

(That’s even BEFORE, you enter the red garden gates, which is guarded by an elf…as the beginning of the Grotto adventure, lies right before your very eyes.)

You follow a red painted trail, through the snowy North Pole, where you are surrounded by ice skating polar bears, snow balling penguins, the Polar Express train, fairy light cabins…It’s like an never ending adventure. Ruby and Junior discovered a magical moment, with every step they took. They couldn’t have been more stimulated. They couldn’t have been more excited to see Santa.

When we got to his cabin…an Elf stopped us…I didn’t realise, because I was still enthralled with my North Pole journey.

Me: ‘Oh! Sorry! Lol. Have they run in?’

Then as I entered the cabin, to my left was Santa, in a white glowing light…and to my right wasa workshop, sky HIGH with GIFTS!

(I left the kids to secret Christmas whispers with the most nurturing Santa, I had ever seen, as I selfied. 😉 )

He even remembered them from being tiny. My little heart melted. I remember just looking at them and thinking, ‘this is what life is about….’

(Then I thought, ‘shit, I better Insta Story it.’ 😉 )

Now, because it was the launch, both children received TWO GIANT GIFTS FROM SANTA EACH!

If you go to the Ackworth Garden Centre Grotto, you know that the gifts they give out are THE MOST SUPERIOR gifts, in all Grotto history. For the last 7 years, i’ve been to EVERY GROTTO, in all the land…and i’m kinda always disappointed with the gifts that the kids have received (lol) FROM other GROTTOS. (Mainly because you kinda pay a lot for your children to visit Santa, no matter what Grotto, you venture to. So you kinda want the experience and the gift, to be worth it!)

The wonderful thing about the Garden Centre, is that it is FAMILY RUN, business…Not a corporate ‘money hungry/get them in and out’ shindig. Simon and Fiona (who own the garden centre) have children who were once tiny…and did the whole Grotto thing…So THEY know, as parents…and by watching their own children grow….They know what everyone wants!)

For my children, I always lust after ‘the experience’ of it all. I’m a service girl, aren’t I! Nothing is classier, than this Grotto. I could LIVE IN IT! Haha.

Everything from beginning to end, was remarkable.

Junior’s TWO current favourite toys, are ‘Tractors’ and Dustbin Lorries.(He opened his huge boxes…Inside he found a ‘Tractor’ in one…and a ‘Dustbin Lorry’ in the other.

Ruby’s artsy….and she received a beautiful ‘string art’ maker and the cutest vanity treasure chest box, which came with various stationary.

The gifts were crazy. You’d pay so much for them in stores. I was shocked!

Our hearts were filled with joy. Our lives were filled with Christmas. I even had to go thank the owners and Jenna afterward because it was done so incredibly well…that I couldn’t wait to tell everyone about it!!!

Ruby and Junior can’t wait to go again. I asked them both to describe the Grotto for you, because let’s face it, that’s why we do it….

Ruby said, ‘It was magical. It was gorgeous. It felt precious. Can you get Jenna to build one in our house?’

Junior said, ‘It was filled with happiness!!!! Santa knew my NAME!! 😉 I got the dustbin lorry that I saw at Toy town!! ‘

So Mums, Dad’s and everyone in between…between your mulled wined sips this Crimbo….Please DO take  a moment, to visit Harpin’s Grotto, at Ackworth Garden Centre.

It’s your ticket to the North Pole!

 

Image may contain: 1 person

 

 

 

 

 

That Moment Before Halloween Did Me Over ;)

Image may contain: 1 person, indoor

What a night! What a time! I’m talking about Saturday. It’s now Tuesday, and i’ve only just pulled myself together. If there was living and then there was L.I.V.I.N.G…this Halloween…I smashed it.

Right! Let’s go…

I have been the busiest kitten in all of the glitzy land and it’s not as easy on the old body, as it was when I was 20 something in Hollywood. That’s the truth. Yet, I’m so lucky. I’m enjoying it thoroughly and something tells me that I’m much BETTER at being a 30 something, than any other decade. It kinda suits me well, because i’m tougher now. I was even tough then. I was a confident , yet wild 20 something, moulded by LA life, as I tinkered a career in entertainment. I went through an awful lot. It hasn’t been easy.

That was the first time around…Things happened after that!

This time around I’m NOT 21, i’m 37. I’m wiser, I’ve learnt and things are always better, the second time around.

You take a better shot, because your soul is filled with the correct ingredients. Your life experience radiates and powers over and people open doors for you, with more respect and utter grace. I don’t just mean this in work, but also when it comes to love. Your second shot, is always much stronger, because you’re adjusted yourself and you know what you’re dealing with.

MMmmkay…

(I actually told a guy called ‘Nathan’ that things were better the second time around, as I ate a spinach and pear salad, whilst hungover at Gino’s, in Leeds. My favourite salad ever. I love salads with pears in. I love that I can walk into Gino’s and be treated with absolute love by the staff. I love that I can simply state that i’m so hungover and without me uttering another word, they baby me and know exactly what I need…Lol) 


Anyway. I don’t know how old, ‘Nathan’ was, but I reckon around fifty? He’d run a massive business, that set him in the high money stakes. Then he *ballsed* it all up, by going wild, leaving his wife and spending all this money, before almost going bankrupt.

Yipppeee!

He randomly told me that this was his second time around. (I don’t even know him at all?) But I assured him, that if he concentrated, and wanted it more than anything, y’know, did everything the right way….he would smash it.

Me: ‘It’ll be even bigger the next time around…’

It’s how life works. It’s not about what happens, it’s about the kinda human you are and how you handle that ‘what.’

Okay….

Things are changing for me and it’s a really wonderful feeling. I’m steady away and i’m doing okay. I’m not in a race for success. I love my present and i’m enjoying my time. I’ve got a long way to go. But I don’t look over my shoulder to see what or how everyone else is doing? I just stay focused on my own world, my own version of life and i’ll ‘hit’ my goals, when i’m meant to… Y’know, when life cuts me some slack. 😉

It’s important to refrain from comparing your current chapter to someone’s else’s chapter.

Anything can happen at any time! I’ve watched it and lived it.

Mum: ‘Career first, Chrissie. You can have anything or anyone you want, afterward. Don’t get distracted. I believe in you.’

I’d sailed off a very busy week of meetings, work and bustle. I was exhausted. I hadn’t been sleeping much. My mind wouldn’t let me. Last week, I met so many people. In fact that week, I did so SO much, that it kinda all feels like a blur.

I was still excited for the weekend though!

I woke up and the babies, ‘Ruby & Junior’ jumped on me in bed, with laughter and cuddles. They were bursting with joy! We made OUR Saturday morning, all about Ackworth Garden Centre, because they wanted to go fancy dress Pumpkin Carving, with Peppa Pig. and Mummy.

It was wonderful. It was wonderful because I TREASURE family time. I’m a real family girl, even though I have an independent soul. The moment I saw their faces light up with excitement, my heart was sold. I’m a softy. I love making people happy. It fills me with glee. I’m so proud of them. I’m so proud of how well they’re doing.

They’re literally my world.

Image may contain: 1 person, sitting Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, sitting and child

Image may contain: 3 people

We giggled. We carved. We did Halloween. It’s times like that, when I love being a single mum. When there’s just us…doing life, because no idiots can distract us. Our bond is too strong. We’re so close. Nothing else matters when we’re together as a team.

BLISS….

But oh my gosh, I am so properly SHIT at carving pumpkins, because IN LIFE,  i’m not good at the niggly tasks, the little tedious bits, that you’d usually hire someone to do or have a husband for. Lol. I know that sounded LAME. But I am. I don’t have the patience for the niggly bits. Haha. Yet, on THAT day, I don’t know what happened to me? I did! I got on with it, because I was motivated by love. (It’s the key to success… 😉 )

Jenna: ‘Look at Wunna…’

Me: ‘I can’t do this sober. It’s like wrapping presents on Christmas Eve, you need to be tipsy.’

Let’s say, it was an achievement.

Anyway,

We had the most amazing family time…and that’s what I love about my life right now. It’s feels pretty balanced.

I actually feel like a really decent human and it’s so hard on me at times, when people (as in guys,) forget to see how lovely the ‘whole picture’ is and not just how great I might be in the ‘sack.’ I’d really appreciate a man, who appreciated me for the ‘whole picture,’ they don’t come around that often in my world…and i’m not saying that I don’t get attention. We all know I do.

But, every single time I look at a guy, after he makes his move and smoozes on in, I always think that he’s ONLY after one thing…and potentially nothing else…because that’s what always happens to me. I don’t think many guys have proved  to me, that I’m more than JUST THAT.

Don’t get me wrong, i’m a grown up girl. I love sex. I’m single. I’m okay. I’m happy. I do hope to find my one. I say that all the time. Yet, I don’t want to comprise my heart, or sell myself short . So being sexy and naughty and flirting is great! It’s part of being a grown up and certainly part of being a single 30 something. It’s hot and i’m sensual by nature.

I love it.

It’s sexy and I love a bit of ‘filth.’ Yet, if nothing more develops from it, other than ‘nookie’…and because i’m a girl, I kinda just think that it was ALL, a waste of my time?

Men don’t like to tell me or show me that I could be more to them than that….

I never know why?

Anyway, back to the story….

Where were we…Oh Yeah…PUMPKINS*Deep Breath*

I will tell you that, the last time I carved a pumpkin, was over a decade ago. It’s not my forte. It never has been. The last time it happened,  was out of force.

I was pissed, in West Hollywood, doing Tequila shots, dressed as a Playboy bunny, by a dining table. What I learnt is that, you should never ever carve pumpkins, stone cold sober, if you are a glamour puss. (And when I say ‘Glamour Puss’, I don’t mean a chick, who just wears too much lippy. It’s more of a manner than a look, to me.)  Do remember to  ALWAYS add tequila. Pumpkin carving is harder than you think…until you put ya back into it.

I actually loved every minute. It made my babies smile. They just looked up at me, and wee’d themselves laughing, whilst shaking their heads, as I struggled in my ‘Little Mistress’ faux fur…

Ruby: ‘Look at Mum trying to cut out pumpkin eyes. She needs a wine. Haha…..’

Then we walked over to ‘Ego,’ (I’m actually blogging from ‘Ego’ now with a wine,) for pasta, salmon dill fishcakes and mocktails, before I grabbed all my stuff, tried on my Ann Summers Devil’s outfit, sipped a quick ‘get ready’ vino, kissed the babies ‘good bye.’

I then *blinked* and found myself on the train to Leeds City Centre.

I checked into Park Plaza…

I love checking into Park Plaza, simply because it’s easy, styish, comfy and SO WELL LOCATED. Nothing’s a bother. Plus, you can’t really beat being *slap bang* in the middle of the city centre. It’s a ‘dolly’ strut distance from EVERYTHING. It’s in the most perfect spot. I’ve stayed there a lot. I always try to stay there when I need to

I don’t know whether it’s just me? But I LOVE that moment when you check into a hotel, get through all the pleasantries..

Reception: ‘Good Afternoon, Miss Wunna….You’re on the 14th floor..’

Man at bar: ‘Hi, how are you? You’re stunning. Where are you going tonight?’

… and then you finally *whoosh* yourself up to the 14th floor, slide in, shut the door, turn on the lights, turn on the tunes and BOOM! BLISS! You’re there! You’re done….You chill and sip your wine, in peace. (But then Insta Story, the hell out of it all. Haha.)

Within moments of hair doing, face doing and wine sipping… I was here…

I felt so alive. I felt so fun. I usually hate Halloween. But this year I was excited. I don’t know why I was excited? It’s something that I don’t bother celebrating often.  I was just in a really good mood. So after a couple facetime calls, I was out!

(Well technically, I had to go find Aaron &Stephen the Paps, because they couldn’t find parking and didn’t know exactly where they were, for the Zanetti bash.)

Steve: ‘The Sat Nav, says it’s literally just around the corner…’

Aaron: ‘We’re parked outside this building…It says GVA on it?’

(Sends me a picture.)

So, being me, I walked up to find them…within the city streets of Leeds, at night…dressed in my slutty devils outfits…in stockings & horns. Haha.

Dude: ‘Are you not scared?’

Me: ‘No. I’ve lived. I’m not scared of a 2 minute walk, dressed like this. I’m more concerned that i’m COLD. I hate the cold. Lol’

I don’t think i’ve ever got hit on as much in my life!!??!

And the sad thing was, I was strutting through the streets, with my head held high, like I didn’t even know I was dressed like a slutty devil. I was like Beyonce….but shitter.

The funny thing was that, when I got into the lift on the 14th floor, it stopped at the 10th.  The doors open and a poor handsome guy, who was waiting to jump in, must have got the shock of his flipping life.

Imagine your lift doors opening and I’M THERE, laughing, dressed as Devil, with all my boobs pouring out and with a sequinned pokey stick, tapping against my thigh!

Hahahah.

Guy: ‘I can’t tell whether this is real or a prank? Lol’

Me: ‘I’m so sorry. Haha. Don’t feel awkward. It’s real.’

Guy: ‘No. No. I don’t feel awkward. You look beautiful! Where we going? Hell?’

Me: ‘Yeah…Probably…Haha..’

Guy: ‘Honestly….Where you off?’

Me: ‘Just some party. I’m actually going to find my friends..’

Guy: ‘What you doing afterward?’

Me: ‘I’m going to sleep…’

(This was our convo from the 10th floor to reception, in our lift.)

Anyway, I managed to find ‘The Boys,’ Aaron & Steve, snuggled warm in their Audi, on King Street. (A life of a pap is certainly rewarding, but must so hard. It was a freezing cold night and to think that they had travelled from city to city, having to wrap up warm like lil’ snuggly bears, to take pictures of celebs, whilst being stood outside in the cold for hours… is not easy.)

But they do it and they don’t even moan. Plus, it must be shit having me sat in the back of your car, poking you with a Devil’s stick, and moaning because I want booze.

They got ready to shoot, I stepped into a bar named ‘Box,’ just on the corner. I’ve never been there before, but fire eaters where outside and I knew that Tattu & Blackhouse wouldn’t let me in in Fancy Dress…so I headed in and it was fun.

It was actually filled with loads of people who were headed to Zanetti’s Halloween party…I ordered a wine, talked to a clown, Catwoman told me she thought I was ‘stunning’ then this business man, from down south, hit on me…and tried to make me stay with him for the night…

Me: ‘I’m going next door now..’

Guy: ‘What time are you done? Can I not give you my number. Call me afterward…’

Me: ‘I’ve godda go…’

I show up at Aspire, which is where the ‘Zanetti/Sleepin is Cheatin’ night was being held.  I check in with the boys…who were waiting outside, freezing cold, but camera ready…

Security are lovely to me, Amy (Zanetti’s PA) showed me straight in, a wrist band was strapped on me and I was guided upstairs to the VIP.

Then the night began….

Image may contain: 1 person, indoor

 

 

 

 

Danger Walks In Glitter Heels…

Image may contain: 1 person

This time yesterday morning I found myself driving to meet someone, that I technically shouldn’t have been meeting, but sometimes life, just guides you down a path, where possible flames, fire & fun, are there for the taking.

Good times, this way!

These days, when it comes to life, i’m a ‘play it safe,‘ but MY WAY, kinda gal. I’m concentrating on work and family. But as we know, my version of safe is never EVER ‘Vanilla.’ Like ‘The Gent’ that I went on the Manchester Airport date with, a month ago…had said….

‘You’re a dangerous girl. Guys love a dangerous girl.’

I guess, the glint in my little Asian eyes, will always give that away.

The real truth is, that I’m not very ‘dangerous’ at all. I’m actually just a bit foolish. Haha. I’m made up of so many ‘bits & pieces,’ that it would take a real genius, or the most patient male in the Universe, to actually begin to KNOW, how to figure me out.

(I met a guy whilst waiting at the bar yesterday, who was Autistic. He made me beam, because he was so smart, so quick and I could see his mind working, as it turned. He told me I was ‘beautiful‘ and I appreciated the love, because it was so real, raw and delivered with a bold quirkiness.)

Anyway, back to the story….

I’d been up working since five o clock in the morning. I did a shoot, around six o clock. A school run occurred in between. Yet, by 10am, my shoot was done.

I got in my car and I drove to meet a friend.

Best morning ever really. So much fun. I guess life just fancied a *TWIST* and that’s how I found myself sat there, smiling. A ‘Twist’ is good, because you always learn something from it. And through MY life…I’ve learnt A LOT. I see a ‘twist’ coming for me, before it even begins to tighten.

Some call it SKILLZ. 😉

I’ve known this person a while, but I’ve never got to hang out with them really. So it was great to just chatter, in a corner…away from drama, or stress. I need those moments. I’m needing them more and more.

It’s weird because it’s like my little Wunna boat has caught a decent wind now and gosh, we’re beginning to sail…

GLITTER SHOWERS EVERYWHERE.

‘I can’t stop looking at you.’

‘Aww! So sweet! Haha. What are you even looking at?’

‘You should probably do that top button up.’

‘I like it undone.’ 

‘Ah! You wore a skirt.’ 

‘Yeah. It’s warmer than I thought today, so I figured i’d give you that! Haha.’

‘You look ******* stunning…’

‘I look scrubbly. I’ve been on a shoot all morning.’ 

Banter, wine and chitter chatter. Sometimes, that’s all you need. It keeps your sane. It’s keeps you fresh. It keeps you excited about life, doesn’t it? And when you’re excited, you feel like you can conquer the world, in a day!

Sometimes, you can. Sometimes, you can’t. All that matters is how you FEEEEL.

(I’m finding it so hard to write this blog right now, because I’m in the warmest room ever, with a Mulled Wine headache. I guzzled mulled wine, like I was a bouji pirate last night, at Ackworth Garden Centre, by baubles. It was their Big Christmas reveal, yesterday evening. I had the most beautiful time. It was literally magical. Christmas is my favourite time of year. I’m a December born baby, incase you didn’t know.)

Anyway, he was sweet, humble and sexy. It was good to just sit and chatter, without a care in the world. Plus, he’s going to be working alongside Wunna Land soon, so it’s good for him to get to know me better, without any ‘censors.’ 🙂

‘It’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be hard. But i’ll do it.’

He kept starting a sentence, pausing…not saying anything at all, as his mind looked like it was racing….and then finishing his sentence, with a simple ‘yeah.’

‘You didn’t say anything…’

‘I do that a lot..’

Haha. And you lot think i’m crackers!!

Then as the clock struck 1pm, he walked me to my car and we just got on with our own little versions of life…

If I could describe the walk,i’d say it was..

DANGEROUS.

It was a ‘Danger Walk.’ 

(But I least I did it in gold glitter kitten heels.) 

The rest of the time I spent with Ruby and Junior, before we headed to Ackworth Garden Centre, to shimmie in Christmas. The kids love it there. They’ve literally grown up, in that Garden Centre. Lol. But last night was beautiful. It was filled with happiness. It was filled with famillies, close friends and great memories.

Image may contain: 1 person, christmas tree and indoor

I love family. It’s so important to me. Ruby & Junior are so important to me. We’re this little threesome and we’ve been through such a tough time and there are moments, like with all families, where in which, we still do.

Yet 90 percent of the time, we’re WONDERFUL!

I have much more balance right now and hopefully (with everything crossed) something tells me, that we have the most magical future ahead of us.

I’m just leaving life to fate…and well…writing my diary as I go along.

ps/ I don’t think being 37 and Single is gonna be too difficult after all.? Haha. Right now, guys seem to be offering themselves over to Wunna Land, with a hop, skip and a…willy.(I’m keeping myself out of trouble though.) 

Image may contain: 1 person

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bush Frolics & Secret Kisses

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling

So, not last night but the night before, I kissed a boy, in a bush… at around midnight. 🙂 I haven’t kissed a guy in ages, so I’m not sure what i’m gonna go with, other than the fact that in that moment, I felt really ‘passionate,’ I felt really turned on and I wanted him to be mine.  Haha. (I cannot even believe, i’m writing this. ‘Firmonnell’ my chick best friend, who formed the group ‘No Boys, Just Dicks‘ the other evening, after we decided that all men were a waste of our delicious time, has found every inch of this story HILARIOUS.)

Firmonnell: ‘Wow. That sounds like a dick voice to me?’

Y’see! You can’t form a group with rules and then expect me to stick to them. I’m a rebel without a cause. Cupid likes to **** me over. The last rule, I was told to stick to, was one in LA, where my  good friend DK challenged me to be celibate for a month. I lasted under 24 hours. And yes…again….that time HE pissed himself with laughter.

(Rule breaker. Love maker. 😉 )

In fact, I got shoved into a bush twice, whilst having under the stars banter with Ginger Brad and J.D, outside The Carleton , Pontefract. I made a guy cry at a bench, as day turned to night. I nearly cried. I managed to also get pissed off and *blank* people, for hearing a ‘true story,’ that didn’t come from directly from the horses mouth. I was filled with passionate. Filled with sass. Northern Soul & Reggae Vibes, have been playing in the background and after many a toilet talk, with Katy P. (If we ever go to the toilet together, we need to discuss, gather, gossip or go mental.) We are independent chicks, that don’t wee together. If we go to the loo as ‘one’…then you should know that something is going down.

So yeah, on Sunday I felt lovely…Then I felt feisty. The afternoon before, my babies broke up from school…and I tinkered to feel some World Cup action. Pretty much felt like the only chick in a dress with boobies, immersed in a lovely drunken ‘sausage fest.’

To be fair. It was fun for the first few hours. I selfied. I giggled. I chattered with old friends, made new friends and everything in between. People were making do video calls with their mates, trying to feel me up every 2.3 seconds…and well Little Ollie tried to schedule sex for Sept 21st?

But ‘Football’s Coming Home‘ and all that. So in the name of fun and debauchery, it was alright. It was fine. I probably got hit on, every 3 steps, I took. I mean, the night was great. Will ended up dancing on tables. Little Sam Moore showed up and did his usual ‘Lady Boy’ pic. Then someone tried to set my nipple on on fire, so I *tapped* out and after stating…

‘I just need a wee..’

I legged it out the front entrance and went home.  I was done. It was tiring. It was sort of like being booked on an appearance…but without the jollies of a paycheck. Lol. Yet, i’m not bothered. It’s funny and well it certainly doesn’t do my ‘socials’ any harm.

THEN I got a shitty whatsapp message from someone who should absolutely be a great deal more understanding. 

Sunday was drama and when I pick boys, friends and everything in between….I need to always make sure, that all is at peace, well and stable. Meaning, I am a NO DRAMA ZONE. So, on Sunday I felt lots of things needed saying…so being me…

I SAID THEM…OUT LOUD.

(I might have even hair tossed a little… in anger. I just don’t like to hear things that I should know first, from other people.) 

Ended up kissing in a bush though didn’t I! I had bush foreplay. And to make it even worse…You’d think bushes were great hidey places, right? But no, not at all…because of course, a mutual friend walked by and saw everything.

‘Don’t worry! I haven’t seen anything! Haha.’

(The next day.) 

Katy P: ‘OMG! I’ve just heard. What was it like?’

Hahaha.

It was fun. I’d definitely do it again. 🙂 I mean, gosh, you only live once, so you might as well make your story worthwhile. Well, that’s how i’ve accidentally made an entire living.

Everything just seems to have whizzed by…?

A few days ago, I was sat with Sheffield Greg, who was acting out the Yorkshire Version of ‘Ex On The Beach.’

Sheffield Greg: ‘I’d just sit there, with my 20 empty tins of lager around me and a pile of bricks.’

Lol. He said, he’d be sat on a deck chair, in his swimmers, with a 20 pack of Carling and a pile of bricks by his side. As his exes came of of the sea, he’d just lob bricks at them and tell them to *SWEAR HERE* and get back in the sea!

Hahahahaha.

The Yorkshire Version is so much more fun and BY FAR less ‘pansy.’

Then I did drinks with Ashleigh and Antony. Ashleigh introduced herself to Golfer Jonny, as a ‘raging homosexual,’ and Antony…Well let’s say Antony enjoyed my ‘HOSE DOWN’ post. He even gained me a leg stroke…and a ‘You’re Beautiful.’ (All leg strokes appreciated, now that i’m an oldie.) Unfortunately, I was waving at some other guy, mid leg stroke….which was hilarious.

‘Haha. How awful is that! I’m accidentally waving at some dude, as you’re leg stroking! Lol.’

We both just pissed ourselves.

The other day, I remember sending Firmonnell voice notes, because I knew if she heard my voice, she’d love me..and she did! I miss her madly. I can’t wait to see her again over booze. She’s just my perfect human. She’s irrepressible and nothing I do disturbs her. She adores me anyway! AND has no problem telling me!

Love you!!!!!!!

Katy P and Golfer Jonny, have pretty much spent the entire time being smitten. They’ve galloped ahead leaps and bounds and it’s just really great to see them both so happy.

I’ve been having a flirty old time. Yet..ofcourse and as always, there’s an ‘issue’ with my ‘flirty old time.’

WHY IS THERE ALWAYS AN ISSUE!?!

There’s been sudden smooches on patios, heated moments, smooches outside, leg feels, hand holds, little bits of all sorts….A good build up really, to a frolic in a bush.

I’ve kinda joked this off a bit, in the ‘write up,’ of it all because that’s what I do. Yet, it hasn’t really felt too jokey. It’s felt pretty real.

But, I’m just watching and waiting to see what occurs. Obviously, we’ve talked a lot about it. Obviously, everyone has there own version of events. Obviously, there have been faces of astonishment. Yet, I’ll see. When stuff occurs, I’ll either move appropriately or not at all. 

Anyway, i’m off now. I’ve been at Ackworth Garden Centre, doing Brunch with the babies all morning, teaching them how to Influence. Lol. All they kept doing was trying to kiss each other. 🙂

But, hey, at least they weren’t in a bush.

‘I’m devastated by how unglamourous this all sounds…’

‘Does sound mad sketchy. Haha.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

Too Old To Party

ac32

I’m on ‘Chill Monday’ but what a weekend. I haven’t even recovered from it, (I spent half of yesterday evening in a blue monster onesie, with no face on, my hair tied up in a messy knot, my Mum at mine watching xfactor, whilst I laid in bed dying of exhaustion and roughness.I’d been up and out all day with the babies, doing brunch with Keiran and lunching with my parents. Definitely felt ROUGH AS HELL. It killed me. Before i had a Desperado and realized that the ‘hair of the dog’ really does work.) This certainly signifiies that even though i am the queen of cocktailing and ultimate glamour pussing, this kitten is OLD and it seems that the art of ‘party party’ is really really different to the art of good old ‘cocktailing.’ I can sit with a ‘Handsome’ and sip down fruity on fire, with umbrellas, smoked or sparkled beverages in the fanciest of cocktail bars, all over the world…It’s an art form. It’s all ‘old school’ Hollywood or modern day, young glamour. But Holy ‘Fry My Mackerels!’ I cannot for SHIT go out to a dancey drinks place, do ‘dancey all night’ and drinks all night’ until the early hours of the morning and feel okay afterward. One night. Three days recovery. AWFUL! It was still kinda fun though! 🙂 I mean whilst i was there i was having a blur of a blast! A really good time. I’m fun loving, it was our works do, we were all meeting and greeting, downing gins, dancing with friends, spinning under dark purple, white room club lights and finding prosecco and free cocktails with every peek. Chatted lots. Had tons of fun. Hung out with the people who i pretty much hang out with every day Lol. Danced! Loved! Lived. Tried to sit down but everyone kept making me get up. (I’m old, I need a sit down. Hahah.) Then all of sudden it was like these boys came in from nowhere and this semi circle of gents, had formed…all dancing, all drinking and all around and in front of me? I’m not sure what happened…but they were all giving me the eye. So i’d dance with one and the one next to hi would get narked off. So i’d dance with him and the one next to him would then get narked off. Hahaha. It was like a weird mind game, that 30 something, single glamour pusses, don’t play? It was a budget, club version of ‘The Bachelorette.’ Except instead of it taking weeks to film, it would’ve taken fifteen minutes, because i just walked off and started hanging out with ‘Fairytale blond’ and ‘Firmonnell.’ (Who’s Mum drove us to the event. 🙂 Her Mum was ace and said i looked like ‘Gladys Knight.’)

So the Christmas do was at Tiger Tiger Leeds. Not somewhere that I’d necessarily chose to go, yet for a works do, it was great and we had our own room. BUT OH MY GOD, my new PET PEEVE. IF YOU OWN A BAR, MANAGER A BAR, ARE IN CHARGE OF A BAR, please, please, please have toilet doors that firstly come with locks and secondly if they do come with locks, have locks THAT FUCKING WORK.

Nothing drove me more insane that the fact that i had to do two ‘sit down, stretchy arm’ wees at Tiger Tiger, in some fitted gold, glamourous dress, with everyone in the stalls next to me shouting,

‘Have you got Nat’s handbag??? Chrissie! Have you got Nat’s handbag??’

What i actually mean by a ‘sit down, stretchy arm’ wee is, a wee in a public loo, where in which you have to sit down on the toilet and stretch forward to hold the door closed, as you wee, filled with anxiety, incase someone walks in. NIGHTMARE. That doesn’t happen at The Dorchester. 😉

Great night! Lots of fun! Took ages to get home. It was the busiest town in the world. My feet killed. Yet as soon as i got in and stripped down naked and crashed into bed, with my full face on.

Then i woke up bright and early and did Brunch with Junior, Ruby and Keiran at Ackworth Garden Centre. It’s a thing we do now and the kids love it there at Christmas. They can sit and eat scrambled eggs, around the most Christmas ever lol, with Paw Patrol characters and others… dancing around them. Then Pete showed up and took the babies to see Peppa Pig, who had appeared to greet the Christmas masses, as Keiran and I sipped green tea and discussed life. The ‘Dads’ had good banter. I had bought both Ruby and Junior these ‘built a plane in a tin’ kits. Yet, told each child that they had to go make it with their fathers. 😉 (I don’t have the patience for stuff like that. HAHAHA.) The boys discussed, their plane building skills and pissed themselves laughing. Then i shot off to Doncaster to do lunch with my parents, as they did their Sunday with the babies.

I have today off work, so i’m trusting that i’ll be able to successfully champion ‘Chill Monday.’ I’m an ambitious, go getter. I can’t seem to just sit and chill and do nothing. And that’s wrong as you need balance. So today i’ve set myself a challenge of DOING NOTHING. I managed to ‘tick box’ it until about an hour ago. I just got bored. But it’s only because my body and more MIND isn’t used to it!

Even Ruby (who’s now off school) isn’t causing any drama. She’s just merrily playing by herself and filming her pretend Vlog.

I could do with a Bloody Mary.