Spanx please sir

God my feet are killing me from prancing around in my glorious tiger print, with deep pink rim, heels, that had once been assaulted, by ‘latin Lover’ when mad, in order to punish me, for throwing his stuff off a balcony. Some throw clothes, i through FURNITURE!!! Hilarious, god knows where i got my strength from?? He tried to bend my poor delightful footwear, yet they fought back with a ‘FUCK YOU tosser’ and stayed strong like bull through the whole torture…a metal heart did fall off one of them though? Makes them look a little 5th hand, or i guess a more decorative way of putting it is, ‘lived in.’ I much prefer decorative ways of putting things. Some say i’m ‘bizarre’…decorative term… ‘exotic.’ Better right?

I spent most of the glorious day shopping, buying golden shoes, more clothes and un-matching bikini parts that were on sale, and zebra stripped!! Love it!! I caught up with various work people via phone, visited daddy…(my hospital outfits are now being judged.) The other ladies who visit now pretty much only go to see what i’m gonna wear!! They can actually quote what i wore and on what day??? I pretty much picked up what was clean and lying infront of me. It’s the ‘Va Voom’ that sells it…lol. I love my ‘va voom.’

Life is marvellous, and i’m currently watching 2 bunnies in my back garden hump. The back garden is like a bloody fairy tale, with all the bunnies, birds, ducklings and foxes. I wouldn’t be surprised if 7 flipping dwarves trundled through with their cocks out smiling!!! Bunnies bonking are HOT! Making me feel a bit unusual really. Oh and i’ve decided that there’s nothing worse than ‘Spanx.’ And i don’t mean the ‘Ooooh slap it harder’ type to the bottom region, after a tickle…i mean those giant flesh coloured… up to your waist, and down to your thighs, panties that have been invented to hold in your FLUB!! Under clothes…yes, i get it, it works, as it decieves boys, and tricks them into thinking your 10 sizes smaller, which is wonderful….so i’m all for it. However, don’t you think it’s gonna be even worse, if you do manage to pull a handsome into your boudoir of ‘good loving,’ and you slowly unbutton, unzip, unzap your slutty pink dress or whatever, to suddenly reveal these HIDEOUSLY GIANT fleshy granny chomper knickers, fit for a jolly butchers daughter. Then to make it EVEN worse… you have to pull them as hard as you can, to get them as far off as possible whilst gracefully smiling or doing some random sex face, only to further reveal…. that underneath such delightful attire, is an extra pile of fresh sweaty delicious flub,  that had previously been cleverly disguised. For some reason writng this has made me horny? Maybe they do work??? hahahaha!

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