I’ve been poorly all day and if there’s anything I despise more than waiting, bad attitudes, haters, and tan lines…it’s being ill. Omg! I attempted to raise my delicious body of love lump out of my white cosy sheets, with a mild smile of ‘oh here’s another day,‘ this morning. I felt hazy, dizzy, and seemed to have gained a *thud-thud* of a headache. (Almost like i had a bunch of Santa’s elves using the inside of my head, as their toy workshop…which wouldn’t surprise me, as it really is quite marvellous, in the brain of good old Chrissie Wunna. I’d want to make toys in there! Raunchy ones. But still worth a Christmas list, bitches. 🙂 )
Now, at this point, you’d think, I’d think there was something wrong, right? However, realize that I am a previous, late night, get it right, socialite….much! A kitty cat of cocktail drinking, and sequinned shimmie nights out on the razzamatazz, with heels and handsomes, and winks that could kill. Therefore waking up in this manner is a regular occurance. It’s normal for me. If i wake up happy, it’s because i’m still drunk.
However, and quite unfortunately THEN, i realized, i haven’t actually drank in 9 and a half weeks, due to my new *tee-total*-dom, due to my little *Glamour puss* that i have chilling inside me, making me all hormonal, exhausted and soon to be chubby. I wasn’t even hung over!! What have I become! I was actually frickin’ SICK! God, it trying to kill me off…and on a FRIDAY!!! How rude!
I tried to stand up, but my body ached so badly, it just couldn’t bare the thought of having to balance. my ego in an upright fashion. My head felt even more musty than usual and i began to feel a sense of nausea. I looked in the mirror (which is the first thing I do, every single morning. I’m vain..and so what?) Then after a *huff-puff* and a kitty cat *moan,* i decided to pathetically collapse back into my bed, after ordering someone to randomly make me a jacket potato, for no reason really, because I couldn’t for the life of me, eat it. I told them the sight of it, made me feel sick. 🙂
I felt like hell, and had to stay in bed until 4.25pm! I didn’t even feel better until THEN! Can you believe it! I was bed ridden and not even to mood music. This little *situation* i’m in, is really taking it out of me. Morning sickness sucks, because it’s the only sickness you will ever have, that will make you feel deliciously hungover, when you haven’t even had the sheer JOY of being able to get trollied, the night before.
I reached for my phone to call ‘Loverboy’ (we all need a bit of sympathy now and again. The phone call could of gone either way. ‘Nice Chrissie,’ would be all baby-like and pouty. Or ‘Evil Chrissie’ could have done the ‘YOU did this to me,’ speech on him. 🙂 ) Luckily, my delicate arms, that really did need more of a tan, refused to work on *reach* mode. Therefore, being the private girl that I am, i decided to TWEET my pain to the world, via text! I told everyone i felt groggy…and well, i then fell back to sleep for 20 minutes. I HATE being ILL! When will this end?
Proving that there’s no rest for the wicked, i then get a streamed series of phonecalls and text messages from people wanting to work with me. I like these calls because they’re usually rewarding. However, when you’re sick, and comtemplating a *throw up,* simply over the smell of toast, you never really feel up to it. I heard my pink Blackberry a beeping. I heard it beckonning my attention. I heard it, i heard it a moaning…
Then when i could finally reach, i had a little read through my texts. I laid their half naked, smothered in my white cosy sheets, hugging my pretend man that i made out of one side of the quilt. I always need to do that, as i’m a Kitty cat that needs to sleep with one leg over something. 😉 Loverboy was house hunting for us. I hate house hunting, so i don’t go. It makes me feel all panicked, and pressured and terrified. He loves it, as he’s eager to make me his ‘forever.’ Well i am his ‘forever’..and if i’m truely honest, i can’t really think of a better way to sail through life. Yet house hunting, is just not my thing. Last night he looked at me, whilst kissing my hand, saying ‘How many guys do you know that can’t WAIT to actually make their girlfriend their wife?’ I replied with a ‘I know, loads of guys that would want to marry me? ‘ 🙂 He looked, smiled, told me off for being cheeky, and then told me that he literally couldn’t wait for me to be his wife. Yay! Another wedding for Wunna! I’m rolling them in…always a Bride, never bridesmaid! 😉 (Well that’s what Wazza says anyhow.)
Anyway, the good news is that my literary agent ‘Helen,’ had heard GREAT things from the publishers, who had taken the last week to read through the whole of my entire blog, in CD form, that Wazza (love him to pieces) had conjured up. We were waiting to hear what they would say and even though i kind of played it down, on the inside i was terrified. All i’ve ever wanted is to have a book out, about my life, that would maybe inspire others. Now, that dream is about to come true, which makes me realize that everything really does happen or a reason. I mean, i always thought to myself, years ago, when i was in LA, why i was writing my blog? I had no real reason? I was just writing it, for anyone who wished to read it…but mainly for my own sanity. It was just a little fun, that went to far. But if i never kept it going, then i would never have gotten this new opportunity.
Four or five years later, and when i have more than enough tales of my life to tell, i’m being told, that it will be a book, and it’ll be out by November hopefully, (Hellooo Christmas time,) and if all goes well, i’mma gonna of make myself a merry sum, simply by having written out my life…candidly…which will come in handy, with a ‘diva’ on the way.
I sort of did a *happy dance,* in my darling sick state. Yet i’m still not bringing out the banners yet. I’m never premature with my moments of ‘celebration.’ Until i see it out, on the book shelves, on Amazon, and in the hands of *glamourous*others, i shan’t be wiggling my hips to victory….just yet. But know that they are ready to get their *wiggle* ON! (Infact, say ‘ON’ like you’re American and excited…’OOWN!’ It has a better ring and sounds less like you’re at a teaparty.)
Other than all that, i’m doing quite fine. *Massive life. i still feel so ill, it’s almost unbelievable.* @Eddclay bbm’ed me during my publisher talk, that i was having in bed, mid-morning sickness, to ask if my book was going to be my version of the Bible, and out at Christmas? Haha. I love it! Know that that WILL be happening, and KNOW that he has totally ‘Shot-gunned’ the role of Moses. I told him that he made a saucy choice. I mean, you don’t get hotter than a naked Moses, all helpless in the bullrushes, now do you? Is that even the right story? I’m shit at the Bible. I love @EddClay right now, because he always impresses me with his jawline and love life drama.
He got stood up the other day, by some weird loser. However, Cupid must have felt for him and in return Cupid gifted him with a better choice of boy meat. I think it was some all singing, all dancing, superior handsome of hottness? I got stood up twice, by a javelin thrower once. He made me cry and cry, in a hotel room alone, as i waited and waited for ages, secretly kinda knowing that he would never show. I thought it was because he didn’t like me? But it was actually due to a combination of ‘can’t be arseness’ and ‘not enough money to‘ really come see me. I’m glad i got out of that quickly and into an another immediate rubbish relationship with a boy. 🙂 Woohoo! I felt for Edd, in his moment of pain. Being stood up makes any hottie feel like crapola, for a good 2.3 minutes, without wine. I’ve noticed that it’s never the hot ones that do the standing up either. Weird?
I’ve had my times. I’ve date everyone. But now i’ve got ‘THE ONE!’ My past boys’ll be kicking themselves in years to come. I’ve never felt so happy and i’ve certainly never met a boy i can label as my ‘perfect match’ before. Loverboy, is ‘IT.’ He’s just ‘IT’ and the most lovingly, romantic man, any girl could ever wish for. It was fate. I never thought that when i saw him at 11, running down the school corridors, that he would be my future husband. It’s almost like the ‘big dude’ up above let me see my true love, and then let me live a horrific tale of heart-breaking regret, only to take me full circle and kindly drop me back off where my heart was to nest…over a decade later. If i had met him earlier, i wouldn’t have appreciated him the way i should of. It’s all about timing, fate and what’s meant to be. I’m in a really good place right now, and thank god for it! Jeeze! (I can breathe!)
The tragic thing about me, is that fact that i am currently watching my clip in hair extension, get caught in a fan (I prefer the term ‘wind machine’) and spin it’s ‘pet like’ way through life, like he has no-one to love. It’s messy and devastating, yet for some reason i’m not leaping to it’s rescue? Eww..I’m totally losing my touch. I mean you can tell i’m ill. I’m a Glamour Puss, I would usually NEVER let that happen, without somebody getting fired. *Wink-pout.* Save me!! God, i hope i get better! I am totally missing my mum!
I might call my leprechaun again, for a bedtime stooy. He’s like my spiritual therapist and he’s great when i’m about to go to bed. He’s like a chamomile tea, but with an Irish kick. I think my boobs are growing? This can’t be good?