So much has DONE me..

Just good times. I’m working a lot and loving it. Any form of distraction, is getting booted out the window, if it doesn’t enhance my life in any way & I’m really proud of myself for that. I’ve done SO SO much in life. Yet at the same time SO SO much has DONE me. 🙂 (So, to speak…) 

You wouldn’t believe the things my eyes have seen, or my soul has been through. Like many, I’ve had to learn everything the hard way. On the contrary, at the same time, I’ve been unbelievably lucky! I’ve had SO many great times! I’ve had great experiences & achieved great things. But, as positively as I can put this….I guess, we only really LEARN from the bad times. Don’t we? 

Then when we rip that plaster off & give our ‘poorly’ some actual air…that’s when the magic begins. It’s when the healing starts…

If I’m being honest, I can’t believe it’s taken a truck load of shit, a bundle of REAL drama & being 38 (almost 39) to actually pull up a chair, sit down, smile & with every inch of me say ‘I’m right here & really here this time.’ I’m doing me and staying 100% focused!

I feel a magic swirl in the airs of Wunna Land, right now. 

If you didn’t know, I’m someone that has that true Yorkshire, good old, will power! Once I commit to something whole heartedly…that’s it. I can take something on, something that I love & stand tall through the hard times OR give up something that’s bad for me, ‘just like that.’  Cold turkey. No drama. I find it easy.

The career’s going well. It’s going well because this time around…I want it very much!!!! I’m finally excited. I’m working hard. I’m performing well. I’m on the right path. A good track. Finally!!!

Hopefully it ends in absolute, jolly success. However, being lucky enough to just do something that you love kinda ‘ticks’ that box anyhow! I’ll never have to ‘clock in’ or ‘clock out’ of some mundane, grey ‘der-der,’ that I hate. Y’know, a mundane, grey ‘der-der,’ that has no soul or no real connection to my joys, heart or talent. 

I count myself lucky for that. Previous brave decisions, had my back.

Anyway. Back to reality. I’ve had the worse case of the flu. I accessorised such, with what I call, a ‘gammy’ infected left eye. 

Soph: ‘You’re like Lisa ‘left eye’ Lopez, from TLC.’

Me: ‘…but less successful and without her ability to rap.’

My ‘gammy’ eye annoys me because not only does it KILL & throb…But it also CRIES whenever it feels like it…and it makes me look WEAK!!! Lol. I hate that! 

On the school run, Friday…I stood in the playground with one side of my face fine & the other side looking weepy and pathetic. 

It was an utter sight of beauty. ‘Manda,’ (one of the school mums) even offered to take me to a bush and ‘squirt’ something in it, to make the infection disappear? I politely declined the offer…although kind. The ‘squirt’ wouldn’t have bothered me. However, the fact that I’d actually have to WALK to a bush looking WEAK, would’ve killed me. I’m a proud gal. 

Unfortunately for ‘Meli’ (Other school mum & mate) I decided to turn to her and give her really bad advice on men with axes. I do love hearing about other people’s romantic on-goings. It makes my heart flutter. However, why anybody finds comfort in my love life advice is beyond me? My love life track record has been shit? The only thing I have to offer is the fact that I’ve been there. I get it. Still all ended badly though! Lol 

Oh? I’ve got distracted. I had the busiest week last week. It was stressful & manic. I was all over the place. It was like trying to hold 42 bouncy kangaroos, in a wiggling net, whilst sipping tea out of a china teacup…on roller blades. 

I’m not good with animals, my arms don’t work, I only drink wine and well, as you can imagine, I don’t think roller blades are a strength of mine. 

There were times where I felt sorry for myself. But I hustled through with the kids and a smile on my ‘stress’ face. 

I also had a bunch of lines to learn, for different scripts, a monologue to learn- ready to perform on camera & 3 self-tape auditions to complete and send off to casting. 

I liked that bit. That bit calmed by soul. I pretty much spend a good chunk of my time doing (what looks like) ‘talking to myself’ in carparks, bedrooms & in every  quiet spot going …learning lines. I love it. It’s magical. But boy, it was hard work..During a really busy week! It takes or out of you emotionally…because you have to feel soooo much. 

I thought I could’ve dissolved or burst! I couldn’t quite decide? At the same times as feeling excited, I was certainly feeling sorry for myself. 

Then on Friday morning. I read a post by my friend ‘Miss.Murphy.’ We’re quite close. I love spending time with her. She’s a good soul. Her post was heartbreaking & It kinda just put everything into perspective. 

Y’know, in life…anything can happen & sometimes we can ‘fuss and flip’ over the smallest things, that don’t really matter, when there Aww really BIG, life changing moments occurring in other peoples lives that they can’t change. 

I stopped feeling sorry for myself. My heart went out to her…

Saturday morning, 6.30am… I was ready. Filled with the flu. Still with my ‘gammy’ infected eye. I left the babies with Grandma and I made my way into the city of Leeds.

It was freezing. (But it was fine.) I got sprayed down my a killer hose pipe. (I laughed it off.) I missed my mouth and spilt my entire coffee down my front, because I didn’t secure the lid on tight enough. (It didn’t matter.) 

I got there. I made it. And as I walked down Kirkstall Road, Leeds to YAFTA, I read my WhatsApp messages from Meli…

& I beamed!

Life is good. I pushed open the door, shoved a brick in place, with my foot to hold it open & saw Geordie Ben & Kitty sat on a grey sofa…

(T-Bone just messaged… )

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