Sniffing on apples

Everyone’s being too super nice to me today. Something really fishy is going on?? I feel on edge like i’m about to get wedgied or fall through a musty trap door. What is going on?? (haha) I must be  completely evil, if the ‘everybody being super nice’ thing, worries me. It’s hilarious! I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong, as of yet, apart from blow party hooters, (the ones with the red and white striped paper tubes, that roll up and roll out, when you huff down them) in peoples faces for random comedic value. It’s funny how the continuous ‘smacking’ in the face (as it rolls out) doesn’t bother them, as much as the sound of the ‘hoot.’ Maybe everyone’s just terrified that i might write about them, so they’re ‘egg shelling’ around me?? Who knows?? It’s weird though??

I’m so incredibly excited to watch ‘Russell Brand live’ tonight, as he’s always poncing around my dreams uninvited. I’ve never seen him ‘shoot the shit’ before for a whole hour, so it better be good as i’m missing Al Murray burlesque in a pint of beer for it!! Other than that i’m sniffing on a cut open green apple. It’s meant to ease ‘the fear of tight spaces,’ and I’m in a pantry. You don’t eat it, you just apparently sniff it. FYI, it doesn’t work. Anyone who has mild claustrophobia needs to sniff the scent of WIDE OPEN SPACES, not Granny Smiths! I feel like a proper plonker!

2 thoughts on “Sniffing on apples”

  1. instead of sniffing on the apple why don’t you just get out of the pantry?

    …then strip naked and take photos of yourself eating the apple in a Eve-The-Tempress type theme….

    sounds like a plan to me


    PS we’re killing your with kindness! Wwah-hahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa! Snookums xxx

  2. I despise this ‘killing with kindness’ malarky. Don’t know i didn’t just get out the pantry?? (you smart arse!) And yeah i get the ‘shut up and strip’ thing, i just haven’t finished smelling my apples yet!


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