Smeared in Sin

I’ve got a layer of Sudocrem smeared on your face. It feels like sin. I’ve never felt as far from being a Glamour puss, than I do right now. I have a friend threatenning to ‘kodak’ this moment to ruin my reputation of ‘ooh laa.’ However, i don’t think anyone can realy ruin anything as brilliantly as i can. I do it with a ceratin *sizzle,* which has built me a sign above my head that reads ‘Greatness.‘

So, did i tell you that i currently have Sudocrem on my face? A cream that is spelt ‘crem‘ (even they couldn’t be arsed with spelling it correctly.) It’s for nappy rash and bed sores and i have to have it ON MY FACE due to a bizarre burst of adult acne that i seem to experiencing. I’ve never had acne ever…so the beauty gods, have decided to bless me with it now, that i’m in a tiny fading light of ‘lime.’

According to people who do skin…i needed to substitute my booze intake for water. It didn’t work…and yes because i didn’t try. I had half a glass of water ( a sip,) got extremely confused and immediately needed to throw it out, swear, cuddle my soul and make it a vodka. I’ve tried everything…and well we’ve finally found out…after TWO entire and rather delicious months, that it was because of my WEAVE. I knew that thing was lethal.

Okay, i have sensitive skin. I got hair extensions woven in. Since a week of getting them….i was gifted with zits. Basically, i couldn’t wash my hair, or scalp properly…making me breakout, all over my face, due to grease. Niiiice! Right now, i am in three layers of fake tan…because i have to look orange-brown, for puppy sitting tomorrow. I’ve had my whole WEAVE CUT OUT and it took hours. I had an army (unfortunately not of horny midgets) working on the removal of it. I paid them in winks and ‘why is it taking so long’ sighs.

Now, i am extension free…and i do actually feel oddly liberated. I have my waves back…(Oh how i’ve missed you, my curling tongs of sexual.) I’m a Hollywood Glamour Puss, once more. Anyway, hopefully this means i’ll be rid of my lovely bundle of facial zits. Yet to speed up the process, my Doctor parents suggested i smear the ‘crem‘ of the ‘sudo’ on my face. It better work…coz i feel like a dickhead. It doesn’t absorb into your skin. It just lays upon it, all thick and white. HOT!

Anyway, my eyes are knackered. I need to get to bed, before one of them stops working. I always start the day with 2 working eyes and end the day with one. I’d say i’d fancy a pilow fight…but i don’t. I’d also say my kittens weren’t sluts…but they are. There is burning coming from my kitchen…but i don’t care. If it burns down, i’ll have an excuse to never have to cook. I hope it isn’t my dad on fire? I keep forgetting to look after him. I was looking after him at the Garden center today (he’s 60)…i kept putting him on the display furniture with me, as i pretended to fall asleep on on deck chairs, eat pretend decorative fruit…and swing on garden ‘love seats,’ merrily. I enjoyed it, because he kept calling people ‘fat,’ and whilst i had put him in a giant, garden, wicker cocoon seat, which looked like an egg and a teepee, in one. He looked like Buddha…but one who name called.

Okay, okay…i’m going to bed. I think i’m getting picked up early?