So i just watched the news (I never do it, so i don’t know why i bothered today) and the tips that were given to our mildy panicked NATION to prevent us from getting the ‘Swine Flu’ were: ‘Hold a tissue over your mouth’ and ‘Wash your hands!’ (HAHAHA!) That’s all you’ve got for us??? We might die in 2 weeks because of tragic Mexican piggies and all you’ve got for us is in our desperate moment of need is… ‘Wash your (Fucking) hands.’ I guess that’s also the cure for Cancer, Egotistical Behaviour, Paedophillia and AIDS. I never wash mine and i’ve rummaged in all kinds of exotic underwear. I just let my Mum lick them clean. She kisses them better.
Anyway, i’m having a good day today. I’m loving my new black hair (i dyed it last night) and well i spent the evening webcam conversationing with Fernando (who i’m now over a bit, after letting him see me.) I’ve nicknamed him ‘Nando.’ Yep, i’m turning men into simple spicy pieces of meat. He’s really sweet, but i watched how nervous he was around my webcam video and how he kept blushing and being a bit coy, cool and pervy on the inside. It didn’t turn me off..it just meant the game was over. I’ve still catergorized him as ‘Hot Bitch.’ I guess i shouldn’t have done all that ‘Oooh-ing and Aaring’ into the camera. It’s sexy fun for me. But an ache in his pants for him. He nearly poked his eye out. I’m awful if i know i have a camera on me…i end up doing all sorts of ridiculous things for attention…and they’re usually quite ‘Slutty.’
Today is amazing because my Fun juices are a flowing. I’m definitely under the misconception that i’m a DIVA or something today. When really i’m just a twat…(with great boobs.) I’ve so far spent the afternoon watching ‘Paris Hiltons British Best friend’ on Youtube and yeah i agree, that annoying asian one really does have a ‘voice like Chlamydia.’ She made my vagina itch…or was it bitch? (Yes, my vagina talks. I’m sure it can mouth the Lords Prayer?)
Saying that my friend Caroline in Milan (who enjoys the sight of numerous big black willies) quite politely stated that i was ‘shit at everything church.’ When i quite spritely asked her why, she simply pointed out that i had typed the phrase, ‘Dear Father…for i have sinned.’ I didn’t realise the correct phrase is ‘Bless Me Father…for i have sinned.’ I’m so 85% stupid that i forget to actually ask for fucking blessings after sinning. I simply just tell The Lord what i’ve got up to and hope he likes it! (Hahah!) ‘Dear father for i have sinned…that will be all…thankyou!’ It’s time in hell for me.
She then went on to tell me after reading the ‘Pulling tampons out with your teeth, when you’re girlfriend is on her period‘ blog, that it was the simply act of Vampires. Apparently instead of enjoying ‘Scones and clotted cream’ for breakfast…they have ‘Scones and Clots.’ She also suggested that any boy who pulls a bloodied tampon out of a bleeding female fuck buddy with his teeth, should simply place it in a warm cup of boiling water and have it as tea. It’s a refreshingly fruitful pick me up….if you’re a vampire….or a dirty fucking bastard. (I’ve just recieved an message from a friend asking me if i can fit 3 willies in my mouth, or 2 maxium?? Haha! I said ‘Two and a half!’ He then went on to talk about the ‘half’ being a 15 yr old.)
Someone asked me if i was African today.
Chrissie Wunna x