Oh Lordy! For a ‘Lady of Leisure’ i have worked the hardest any ‘meant to just lay by pools, pout and spaz money on lipgloss and Gucci purses’ has EVER worked. I’ve been up since 7am. I KNOW!!! It’s a shocker! I’m usually only just getting in at that time. I’m sure i’m going in the wrong direction in life. You’re meant to work, so you can afford to lay by pools, do nothing and pout. Not waste your days on being ridiculously fabulous, only to fling yourself into this thing called ‘work.’ Yay! Losers Rock! (ooh…i’ve just read my facebook messages and all of a sudden everybody wants me to have their 19 babies!! I could try and ‘squeeze,’ yet the only thing that would really come out, would probably be erm….Grey Goose. Hurrah! Shots for everyone!!)
Today from 10am-4.30pm i was sent over to a posh hotel by my british agent to do a ridiculously wonderful photoshoot. Far too wonderful for the likes of me. The make-up artist, the photographer, the assistant and the ‘anyone else who helped out’ we’re trophy worthy. I mean give them stars of gold goddamit!! I, being my natural ‘think i’m a lot greater than i really am’ self, did as good as i could…(at posing.) I was a bit rubbish at first, (ofcourse)yet funnily enough when it came to the ‘take off your shirt, but cover up your nipples’ part, i seem to EXCELL. Infact, i was bloody brilliant!! LOL…I definitely found the ‘slag’ in me. (Raised by the best!! Three cheers!)
However, then the photographer (who i simply adore) went on to tell me that i’m ‘too honest to be a baby celeb.’ (A great deal of quite embarassing honesty had actually tripped its way out of my mouth, mid pose. Not sure whether i used it to mask my ‘i’m in my underwear and i feel rather too bloated to be posing sexily’ -ness or not?? Unfortunately, it frightened people. LOL…Or maybe that was just my nipples and he was blaming it on my ‘honesty?’) Hopefully i have some wonderful shots. As only 30 out of 500, will be chosen to grace the Chrissie Wunna ‘Promotional Package.’ (Sounds quite snazzy. I wonder what it’s for??)
Other than that, i managed to sit on a public loo (in a train station,) whilst there was a rather long line of ‘waiting to pee’ other young ladies, in a white fur coat and have my loo door accidently swing open mid ‘pants around my ankles’ peeing. I had a face of a shocked goldfish. (Hilarious!!) Only to have that moment followed up with a young Yorkshire lady shouting out, ”Thats Her off the telly,’ mid-swing! Tragic!! (Hahahahaha!!) Note: Things like this put me at the lofty heights of GREATNESS. You should aspire to such Wunnary Heights!
I then went on a train, after a hard days work… all enthusiastic and beautifully fake eyelashed. Unfortunately i was armed with the biggest bag in the world ever and without me knowing, whilst i trundled through the isle to my seat, waving at my imaginary fans… i seemed to accidently smack 4 innocent people in the face (in the FUCKING FACE) with my disgustingly ginormous bag… and one was a grandmother. OH MY GOD!!! What is wrong with me??? I sheeplishly sat down, only to find real life ‘Chrissie Wunna’ fans, (yay) who decided to sit in all the 5 seats around me (one almost on my knee) and offer me chewing gum, cigarettes and really dirty sex. Normally, this would be a treat! Yet i was having to hide from a granny, who i had just hit in the face… so i hid behind sunglasses. (They were neon pink, and it was dark…i did myself no favours!!) When hiding… only ridiculously large objects or very fast running, should be used to disguise you.
Anyway, hope you’re having a wonderful night. I’m quite terribly knackered so i’m headed for a ‘lame ass’ early night. (Oh shut up…i had to work hard you bitches!! Lol) So whether you’re at ‘The Brits,’ (everyone in the world ever is at The Brits…but ME,) the pub, the sofa or you’re bestmates boyfriends bed (saucy bugger)..i wish you all a very WONDERFUL night! Zzzzz…