She Drives the F**kers Crazy!

Morning Sweeties! I feel amazing today, fully charged, fighting fit and loving my Lady Lumps. I’m prepping for two auditions that i have coming up…that i intend to try and book. However, for right now i’m slacking off and blogging to my bitches as it’s exactly what i’m not supposed to be doing. (I currently have Craig davids ‘7 days’ playing in the background, so i’m getting rather distracted by melody. Great song! ‘) I’ve also got to read all of my blog, in order to give my best ‘cuts’ to ‘BAFTA’ so he can shimmie shake it and turn it into something quite amazing. But all is actually going well! Two thumbs up! Oh and for those of you who are analysing me (which i dont mind at all, as i love hearing other peoples take on who, why and what i am??) I only love it, because it’s ALL about ME. I don’t actually agreee with what most people come up with (except Phil Garcia- Celebrity astrologer) as they always get it wrong. There’s no inner pain, no inner hurt, i’ve had a wonderful life and i’m gonna continue to do so. It’s not so hard to believe. Not everyone has some tragic story. I’m HAPPY…so deal. It’s not that deep. Just because YOU might be hurting  on the inside, doesn’t mean that i am. I mean i’m sorry that you are. Yet, I’m here to brighten your life up a little, make you think outside the box, take you on a moonlit adventure, open your minds, prise at your hearts to the magic and wisdom of  the ‘ooh laa’ and make you realise that what you have isn’t so bad after all. Even if it means, making you believe my life is so terrible. Cheer the hell up! Life is AMAZING! (God that was a fucking mouthful, but it tastes better than most. I hate man gunge in my mouth. I NEVER swallow. I mean i use to when i was young and foolish and listenning to boys, but now that i’m GREATNESS and still a bit foolish…no way in HELL!)

This time two years ago (and i was reminded of this last night) i was piggy back racing Drag Queens in Hollywood, down the streets of WEHO, in the darkest of night, that seemed to be lit up my fairy lights and magical auras. I was dressed as a slutty fairy, it was warm and i was throwing Skittles through the air, whilst calling my Drag Queen ‘FAT’ because she wouldn’t run fast enough. I kept whipping her with red liquorice sticks and telling her she needed to ‘eat more salad’ or have a ‘DIET FUCKING ROCKSTAR!!’ I did feel bad, as she was actually trying her hardest to please. She was treating me like a ‘Queen.’ But i didn’t feel too bad, because in the end she turned on me and started cussing me out…(You don’t want a Drag Queen to get mad at you, because they’re actually men and WILL duff you up. They turn all BUTCH in 4 seconds flat! She was unfortunately giant sized and trying to fight me. But i was already attached to her back…like a wide eyed, ‘a bit drunk on Tequila’ monkey, with Pig tail bunches. I shouldn’t of really called her ‘Worthless’ as it triggered a weird anger in her. Hahaha!  (Sorry, Chrissie is currently pissing herself and is unable to write…)

Anyway whilst She was trying to fight me…while i was attached to her back and holding her burgundy wig incase i needed to go ‘Thug style’ and pull it off. A bouncer of the club i was meant to be in, simply found me, prised me off her ‘now sweaty’ back ( I had Drag Queen sweat all down my front,) and fireman carried me (not the first time) back into the V.I.P lounge. My friends were like, ‘Where have you been?’ I just remember sipping a malibu pineapple and then cold faced lying.

Hope you create a good day today. I’ve godda get back to work. Tell me what you did?

23 thoughts on “She Drives the F**kers Crazy!”

  1. you are the guvna chrissie i got ot go weho one day and get up to some of your mischiefs i love reading about your life as u tell it how it is and u are a great writer and well traveld chrissie. i hope u get the parts as i like seeing me pal on the telly see i only watched bbf when u were there and i only missed 1 or two eppisodes so u cant get lemon take care trouble tada scratch

  2. I love that song “7 Days.” I’m from Canada so i tend to watch the Brit Awards every year and i loooove you brits. You guys have the best singers… look at Leona, she is gonna kick mariah out of the way soon lol. I’m an aspiring musician any pointers??

    P.S be careful what you call people. Some words can trigger the beasts inside of people lol

  3. well … today i got up and silly o’clock. had a shower, got out of the shower, checked my self out a bit whil getting ready to some ac/dc. (eurgh)
    then i mounted (not like that you minx) the train to leeds while ranting at someone for being “socially retarded” because they had sat on one of the 4 seats and they were on their own. STANDARD.

    i then spoke loudly about the fact that i thought i saw a cat the other day until i realised it was flying and was infact a magpie.

    when i arrived in leeds i then proceeded to mock the ticket selling guy because he had to add up 2 x £2.55 on a calculator TWICE to make sure it was right. fool.

    thennnn when i got to work i started wondering if this friday is still on.


  4. Pointer for singing? Do it well and go on a reality show! Preferably X Factor. Usually more than just the winner gets the contract!

    Gonna go buy some cheap DVDs and CDs from the Market today. See if I can find Craig David to add to my collection!

  5. Scratch- Ur a Diamond. What are up you up to today?

    Ashlena- My advice is (and remember my advice ia always rubbish) BE REALLY good at what you do, so work hard at being one of the BEST in your trade, try and work with GREAT producers, (theres plenty in LA, who wil prolly just help shop ya song), but other than that and the whole never give up thang…is go on a REALITY tv show, like little Danyal said. Go fight for ya dream and show the world what ya made of…but just KEEP doing it.

    Harriet- My Darling of Sweetness.. I’m still trying to organize it with the Club…it’s taking longer to organize than i thought it would, but it WILL happen. And not only is the magpie cat thing HILARIOUS, but i i probably would’ve added £2.55 on a calculator at least 4 (very slow) times, in order to drive innocent train goers INSANE!!

    Danyal- I know, i totally forgot Craig David existed until i accidently found my ‘Born to do it’ CD all covered in dust from way back when. He’s BRILLIANT. I want to lick him….a little

  6. i am working then gym then stella and man u porto game i got me new shorts for rehab in vegas they are the guvna they are the frog vilberquins

  7. if not i vote we just go out anyway. somewhere that we can grind our arses to our hearts content. it could have been a cat … that’s all i am saying.

    i hate that man HATE him. however he does check that the final total is ok so i may start trying to barter with him.
    “can you make it £1 … no? … how about £1.25 and a nipple flash?…”

    think of the money i could save.

  8. YES to nipple flashes to get what we want in life. Chicks are sooo dumb sometimes. I mean we have the grubby ‘goods’ lets fucking USE them to get free dinners and train tickets!!! I’ll clink to that!

    Yes we should all go out. I quite oddly miss you.

    Scratchy- I too will be watching The Man U/ Porto Game. Fucking love hot sweaty boys, with balls in boots and i do actually root for MAN U!! I do. I do

    We’re sooo interactive today. I LOVE THIS

  9. stupid biology teachers trying to tell us our goods were for having babies and breastfeeding… what a lie!!

    i know … its the effect of the coco cola drink. who needs date rape when you have that?

    if the original friday plan goes “baby feeders” up we will make other plans.

  10. Harriet –
    Yeah if it doesn’t happen this Friday it’ll happen another weekend. I do it all the time. Can’t fucking WAIT!! We do need to got out though…pronto

    Danyal- U dirty little so &so..(Mmmm… my favourite)

  11. yes craig david used to be ok when he did the garage thing but he started trying to be american to much and lost a lot of credibility with his punters. i hope u enjoy the game i want man u to win for rooney

  12. ok babe sweet i will show u around the mannor then if i am to much for good old ponty i look forward to geting u some shampoo

  13. I would love to be on X Factor but in Canada we don’t have it. Plus Canadian Idol was canceled this year due to lack of viewers from last year. There are so many talented singers in Canada and I don’t think we get enough recognition like other countries and it SUCKS lol.

    But thanks for the advice!


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