Sex in Poolio Foolio

Just got home from a brilliant day. I’m having to write my blog, from my little lemon bathroom, just to find a little peace and quiet. I’m sitting on the toilet lid, with a fluffy peach dressing gown snuggling me, and chandelier diamond earrings draping from my ears. I have a constant stream of kittens following 24/7. I feel like the Pied Piper. Except, i’m not in Hamlin, my pipe is a penis and the ‘following me’ things are well…pussies.

Brilliant day today. Even though i went out in disguise. My friend (I’ll call her ‘Wide set Vagina’) turned around and said, ‘I love how your disguise, is to look as much like a celebritiy as physically possible and wear the brightest colours, in hip/hop chic known to mankind.’ But fuck it, i’m an attention whore, and really my shit hole of a personality and wayward ways of dress really only works, with a little bit of fame. (You don’t think i KNOW i look like a bit of a tit! It’s all part of my cunning plan.)

I was nervous to be honest, since i’ve just got booted off the old telly and all that. However, it seems when you’re given the old heave-ho, from the sort of reality show that i was on…all of a sudden EVERYONE knows who you are. (REJOICE!!) All that happens is, MORE people shout ya name, whilst their travelling up escalators. MORE people stop you in the street and ask you how you’re doing. And you walk through MORE huddles of excited teenage girls, with camera phones at the ready. (There is a GOD!!) Actually before, with every 2 steps i would walk…i’d hear someone whisper the words ‘Paris Hilton…‘ Now, i walk  2 steps and people shout ‘Chrissie.’ I like this behaviour a lot more. Getting eliminated has strangely made all the difference. Lots of positve positive feedback today from the good people of the world, with exceptional taste. From woman of all ages starting at  14 to 44. They wre all excited, telling me  i did i really great job…and if i’m honest…I bloody DID!!!! (hahaha) The girl done good!!  I have people copying my voice. Old ladies doing impressions of my pretty rubbish burlesque dance on the streets and little northern girls following my dress code. I’ve found something that i’m really good at! I’m a fucking entertainer!! (I am aware that the above paragraph is rather conceited. Yet it’s all quite swiftly going to my head…and i’m letting it. OH, shut it! You tarts!!)

I’m already missing being on british tv. I’ve caught the bug. That’s it!! Once you’ve done it, it’s amazing how addicted you become to it. I want to feel that ‘buzz’ that i had, when we were filming in the BBF house ALL THE TIME now. So i have to come up with a way to get back on it. As it seems i’m not too comfortable with this ‘not being on telly anymore’ malarky.. I want it all the time. I mean i’ve been trying to scramble inside the damn thing, since i was able to walk without the aid of old folk propping me up, after an ‘Oopsie-Daisy.’

The bizarre thing about it all, is the fact that it was more the FILMING of it, the experience of it, the being on the set, around other natural entertainers, having fun, and being surrounded by a crew of camera men, producers, sound technicians…just this exhausted family (that i frequently took the piss out of) who were all trying to create and make a damn good show flourish out of nothing. ..that i found amazing. I loved the people working around me. (Plus the fact that you get everything done for you, have security and you get to drink bacardi breezers for free.) The ‘it’ being on tv part for me…i guess was just a bonus. As really so much more excitement happened whilst we were living and filming  the show.  I mean unfortunately you only get to see about 40 well edited minutes of our 20 hour day. That’s not even ONE HOUR of our day!! I wish you could’ve seen it all. It was the BEST TIME ever and i’m gonna do whatever it takes to keep that buzz a going. I love it and i’m pretty good at it. Why not? (It’s like LA all over again. Save me from Myself.)

I wish i had a hot tub. (Random i know) But ‘James Bond’ is in one right now (yes on tv) and i feel as though i need to be in it with him, the saucy little ‘Save the World’ imp. The last time i was in a hot tub, was with ‘Latin Lover’ in LA. We were at a friend of ours called ‘Mickey.’ He’s like a 7 ft tall, 7 ft wide black giant of a snuggle, with glasses. He has a ginormous mansion and often forces us to drink unbrella drinks or Pina Coladas with him, whilst eating red meat, by his pool. He then goes on to try and feel hot blooded ‘Latin Lover’ up. (Much to his disliking.) I remember the boys playing a game of ‘strip for no reason’ by a pool table. Mickey decides to get his ‘nubbin’ (thought it would be bigger) out to turn on ‘Lover de Latin.’

Latin Lover, to prove his masculinity grabs the nearest girl…(Me..lucky spot.) Drags me over to the pool side. (It’s now night, but warm…cos it’s LA.) We both get in, start making out and then out of nowhere he drops his trunks, takes off my bikini top and starts to basically have rampant horny sex with me. I LOVED THIS!! (Until it got a bit weird and he was throwing me into the air, to see how high i could go. Random? My face was like a choked Speedy Gonzales. It was terrifying.) Proving that he was not interested in any male touching his ‘tastes like tacos’ winky, and that he was  ‘Ugh, Ugh…’MAN.’ (Or something like lame like that??) Lots of other people were there at the evening shin dig and instead of being polite, ignoring what was happenning and burying their faces in Pina Colada. They proceeded to circle around the ‘sex’ and take numerous pictures, from all angles with their camera phones!! Infact Mickey’s Mother even walked in and said, ‘Oh look. Same thing. Different Faces! More Drinks??’

Not sure how i got onto that story?

Chrissie Wunna

4 thoughts on “Sex in Poolio Foolio”

Leave a comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.