Self Tapes, Nudes & Big Tings

I started my morning with 2 self-tape auditions. It’s nuts because they’re 2 completely different roles. One of them isn’t even what I originally thought?? They couldn’t be further apart. They’re great. Yet you have to try & ‘whop out’ a bit of acting. A bit of magic. Mainly because you just really WANT the role, the success, the tape, the credit or the money.

I’m baby stepping. But I reckon that’s the way to do it. The 22yr old ‘West Hollywood’ version of me would’ve tried to run before she could walk. Before she was ready. Y’know, ‘wing it with a wink.’

The 38yr old version of me THINKS she knows what she’s doing. (But can someone just say ‘Yes…’ quickly, because I’ve literally done a zillion self tape film auditions in a few days…and the videos are using up all my selfie storage. 😉 I’m joking. But I still want a ‘yes.’ )

Saying that, I’m still good at winging it. It’s a talent that every human, who has been through shit can do. Haha. It kinda turns into an essential life tool. A necessity. You never know what’s gonna happen, so it’s good to refrain from being ‘stuck in your ways.’ Being able to meander & find a solution is always a winner. I teach that on to Ru & Ju…and I never dwell on anything.

‘Chrissie’s hilarious. She’s about to strut into a scene. She’s full speed ahead. She’s been half asleep previous, so she’s behind the scenes rushing about in a panic, hair flicking, sorting herself out and adjusting her boobs, because her character’s sassy & trampy.

It’s all improv…So there’s no script. She can say what she wants…as she goes along. It’s turning dark outside.

She quickly eyes herself up in a window, takes a deep breathe, looks at me and says…

What’s the dead mans name?



And in a flash, she turns away and darts into the scene, like she owns the fucking world! Haha.’

I would’ve preferred to do it with a pina colada in my hand….Yet no such luck prevailed. You can’t win’em all. That’s the only shit thing about acting. It’s PRETEND drinking at a funeral. Lol.


Geordie Ben: ‘You made an effort today Chrissie. You’re outfit looks SO Summery.

Me: ‘Oh! Don’t start!! I’m ill. Infact, BRING IT! Bring it now!!! I’m READY!!! Haha.’

Geordie Ben (who I act with) automatically assumed that I was there to seduce him. (As that is my ‘Casting type.’ Lol. I’ll always play the sassy, sexy vixen chick, who struts in and fucks things up, masterfully… for someone innocent blond.)

However, if seduction was the case, I wore an outfit that covered EVERY SINGLE bit of FLESH, on my ENTIRE body, from my chin to my ankles. Haha. I think I opted for being fluey over seduction.

Ben: ‘She’s like Angelina Jolie, in ‘Mr & Mrs.Smith. Like Gaby in Desperate Housewives..’

He’s obviously had a…..

Me: ‘Kitty! You were good when you played his giddy fan! You were good at that! You actually looked really embarrassed about the nudes you sent him.’

Kitty looked like was having a hard time with herself when she left YAFTA last Saturday evening. We’re all at different stages, but on the same journey. I think when she breaks down an emotional barrier…She’ll smash it…cos she’s feisty. She’s smart. She’s obviously been through shit. Yet breaking that barrier is difficult. She was hard on herself. So I reminded her of what she was good at. One day it’ll ‘click’ and she’ll look back and laugh.


‘Have you ever sent anyone a nude before Chrissie?’

‘Haha. Obviously. I have a pre-shot, pre-edited gallery of nudes ready to go!’

‘I’m dying!!! Really??’

‘No. Not now I’m older & wiser.

Being an actor is just not an easy career choice. It’s hard.

I guess people always think actors just pick up scripts and read lines in different voices. That’s not it at all. That’s the opposite to what we do. We have to be able to FEEL everything and deliver a story, truthfully. We have to be able FEEL happiness, pain, life, other characters and use emotions as triggers, to get to a place on cue. It’s not easy at all. It’s full on. It exhausted you.

Yafta’s great because I’ve had some great ‘moments’ with people, within those walls. I mean anytime you’ve started off your day pretending to eat vanilla ice-cream out of a bowl with Monica, is ace!

Anytime you’ve managed to sit in a mood lit ‘therapy room’ with Irish Rosie, crying at a pretend love story, that you’re actually telling… is magical.

Anytime you’ve managed to state to ‘Tutor Dave’ that biting someone’s penis off, is simply a Wednesday…is a wonder.

‘Well that’s a Wednesday to me…Bite off penis……Get milk…Haha.’

Every week…more memories are made within those walls. Those memories weirdly turn into big careers. It’s indescribably beautiful.

Anyway. I’ve done all my ‘dos.’ I’ve sent off all my self tapes. I’ve read my sides for my Monday audition and I’ve just read a message from a casting team, who got my submission too late. (Awesome. Lol.)

I’ve caught up with Meli’s love life. She’s replacing men with sprouts. Not the best idea, because she’ll end up with green wee… Her heart will still be achey. Her piss, will smell of veggies. I do like sprouts. So I’m there. Men ARE, at times, an annoying species. However, her heart seems to be able to handle anything. She has this ability to understand anyone and everything…and see the world through their eyes. Guys don’t always work like that and I have no clue why?

She could’ve at least replaced men with vodka. Then she could’ve worn a Russian hat and done that ‘boingy’ dance that they do, whenever she felt alone. Haha. I live for that ‘boingy’ dance. What’s it even called? D’ya know the dance I mean? Is there even a dance? Have I just made that up??

Anyway, I also backed ‘Miss. Murphy’ up, this morning before 9am. She doesn’t really need backing up. But I like to do it anyway because…well I’m a feisty one, aren’t I! We’re fire sign women..So we don’t like folk to ‘diddly dally’ with us. I’m

I guess, i’d say, it’s annoying when you have big things to tend to (like she does) and little things try to tinker in…with little thing problems…that have absolutely no relevance or depth to your current real life…‘big picture.’


Okay. I’m off now. I wonder what life’ll bring tomorrow…

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