I feel amazing ‘should skip around doing boobie wiggles’ today! I’m brimming over with an irrepressible ‘Joie de Vivre,’ filled to the merry brim with excitement and have that magical glint in my eye that causes ‘good times,’ in the quite wonderful form of… ‘trouble.’ I’m feeling like a solid 10 and when we girls get these days…its almost nearly MARVELLOUS! It’s Sexy! We’re Wonka tickets to Excitement!!( Boys when a chick feels this way, it’s a jolly good opportunity for you to ‘sausage’ her…after a polite few drinks. When a girl feels sexy. She is ‘Sexy.’) Infact, I always feel marvellously sexy, so maybe that’s why i ended up being such a floozy? (Who am I kidding? That was just a combination of booze and bad judgement.) I’m not actually too much of a Slag in England..as my identity over here is for some reason different. (Which is code for: I haven’t found any hot enough boys as of yet!)
Anyway, i thought i’d test my ‘Va Voom’ on random ‘not feeling me’ dog walkers, as they passed my iron gate, dressed as a delicious bundle of baby pink and yellow! I thought i’d tell them how ‘SEXY’ they looked and maybe do a bit of inappropriate ‘Hooting & Hollering,’ at strangers. It happens to Me, all the time. People stop me with every four steps I take forward. So since i’m feeling so great. I figured, i’d give back to the Wonderful World, right? WRONG!!
Yeah, everyone just thought i was a complete nut job. A proper rubbie retard. I mean, they humoured me, with smiles, nods and a little bit of sympathy. Yet did those, ‘better fucking hurry up and get to the other side of street and pull my dog away’ eyes. They had smiles of terror! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!! (Hilarious!) Yet, there was this one flirty grandad. I think he was about 72. (He looked like he was about to keel over, and eat dirt…but good on him!) He was a Saucy little bugger. I love dirty grandads because you can say the rudest things back to them and they have no idea what you’ve just said! I patted him on the back, felt him up a little and said, ‘Wow! It’s great that at 72 you still have the SLUT in you. You’re a Man-Whore! I think we should go have a shuffty in that prickly bush.’ (Which reminds me. I need to go get a ‘wax off.’) He pretty much agreed! The turned up his hearing aid.