Okay, so to get over my ‘Junior’s gone for 6 sleeps’ anguish, i decided to become a joiner and join things, to take my mind off his absence.
My gut instinct didn’t feel okay and my gut instinct is always spot on?
Junior looked at me like he wasn’t okay. I don’t like it when he looks at me that way…Something’s not right?
I was all empty. So empty, I rattled. Where was he? What was going on? Is he okay? What? What? Where? Where? I cried the first night! No sleep. No settle. No calm. (And I wasn’t even allowed to contact him.)
If you didn’t know…I’m emotional. (Really?) People always think I’m the opposite for some reason? (They really do!)
It all just felt weird. Junior wasn’t okay about leaving. It was like something was missing. It felt like a breakup. I was still up at 4am in the morning …just wondering? Just pottering. Just being all weird in a kimono.
Something’s not right? I’ve never felt like this before??
If you saw me in public…and lots of you did, I opted for ‘laugh it off/all smiles’ thing that I do. But I assure you, I was mental. My insides were lost & ouchy. I wanted to feel full, but couldn’t.
Feeling full is always better than feeling empty.
However because I had Ruby I stayed POSITIVE through it all. (She always saves the day! And she was a DREAM!) We figured we were all in it together. Ruby and I were gonna miss Junior madly, but we needed to try and enjoy our time together because there was nothing we could do.
We decided to be excited for his return, rather than be sad that he was away…and therefore we spent the best time together. ( I pretended I wasn’t concerned to make Ruby happy. I was concerned. Something was not right!!)
Junior left us with ‘don’t have any fun without me’ instructions.
Anyway Ruby and I just did our thing. We lunched, loved & played. We basically just got on with it.
Ruby: ‘You’re the bestest mum in the world. I love you. Do you think he remembers me?’
Me: ‘Ofcourse he does baby. Don’t be silly. You’re his favourite person in the world!!! I love you.’
She was just as lost as I was on the inside, i guess? Everyone noticed…Everywhere we went. Even Kenny at The Mallard, bought her a Barbie Egg to make her feel better…and it did. She beamed. Even security *paused* and said,
‘You’ve lost your gusto little one. He’ll be back.’
She loved that everyone cared.
We only had a few sleeps left…It had felt like an eternity, if I’m honest. I was anxious the entire time.
We went around and bought Junior loads of ‘Welcome Home’ gifts from The Entertainer. It kinda made US feel better, more than anything. Like we we’re doing something for him. I’m so used to fussing over him, I was lost? It was weird.
Me: ‘I’ve lost his blankey. Should I get him another one?’
Ruby: ‘No. He already has Ellie. (His teddy thing.) It’ll teach him to be more independent. We need to buy him less things that comfort him.’
Me: ‘Are you saying that because of what ya Dad said?’
Ruby: ‘No.I don’t need my Dad to think for me. Junior doesn’t need a blankey. He needs me.’
She was hardcore!!
Me: ‘How are you so grown? I don’t get it? You’re like an adult.’
Ruby: ‘I’ve been through a lot Mum.’ 😉
Then we belly laughed, like nothing else in the entire world mattered.
3pm that day… Her brother arrived home.