Roundhouse kicking bodyguards please

I’ve decided i want bodyguards. I ofcourse don’t need them, as i’m  a bodyguard-less, bottom of the rung nobody, but i still want them, as you KNOW you’re a proper star when you have them. Today was a day of getting stared at, but an enjoyable day of stares. It was littered with compliments, love and waves, and yes for some bizarre reason, that made me want ginormous meat eating bodyguards, to muscle them out the way…for fun?? I’m sick! I was at a bar in west hollywood one time, and Christina Aguilera shuffled in with 6 of the tallest, widest, muscle bound, ginormously burly, black suited guarders of her body!! You couldn’t even see her tiny self, hidden away between them, as they had formed a graceful circle of sweaty meat around her. All you could see was a bleach blond bobble of hair, bobbling into into the VIP section, as they elbowed the gays out of her walkway. It was GREATNESS!! I want that, and not purely for the gorilla elbowing, as ofcourse that’s too much of a treat and a half, but simply just for random comedic value. I think it would be hilarious, to be walking into a place, have a flurry of fans rush up to you, with a faces of sheer ‘ i’m about to explode’ excitement, then as they get so close they’re almost two steps away from you, to get that ‘oh so, never wash myself, in that place again’ touch…there you have it…meaty ELBOW to the FACE!! (Booyah!!) Victory! It’s kind of  just like dominos but violent, and sicker. My bodyguards would ofcourse, give out karate chops, roundhouse kicks, then add,’ Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiyaaaaaaah! I am the Kung Fu Master of Monkey!!.’ And yes, it is a bit of a mouthful , but really what isn’t??

I’m currently listenning to that oldies great, ‘Love really hurts without you.’ Bizarre how the melody is so jolly, and uplifting..yet the words so ‘dagger to the heart.’ I’m not sure what message it’s meant to give out?? ‘You’re gone, it hurts, lets boogie??’ Infact, what am i on about? That’s exactly the process of events, except drinks are had..inbetween, ‘gone’ and ‘boogie.’ Hurrah!!

3 thoughts on “Roundhouse kicking bodyguards please”

  1. i will be your dofy guard for free chrissie but i wont be a massive body gard i will be a one of a kind one a cockney speaking lacoste tracksuit wearing with a stella in his hand bodyguard if u are up for it chrissie


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