Just recieved the most hilarious message i have ever laid eyes on from the marvellous ‘runner’ of this quite perfect website and my best friend of all time, who unfortunately has a very tragic love life. It’s funny! So i’m browsing through my hundreds of messages, and being pissed off at all the ‘spam,’ then i open one from a music producer i once worked with, stating he would like to negoiate a ‘signing’ and a recording of an album in LA, as soon as i hit american soil, (not sure i want to be howling to backing tracks just yet) then directly underneath that quite astoundingly important message, is one that reads (in the subject line) ‘lesbians,’ from Wazza.
My views on ‘lesbos’ is simply, i don’t mind them at all, provided they don’t start stroking my face, trying to get me drunk, and trying to convince me that i want to ‘snack on their fanny.’ They can never be normal around me, and for some reason, if a boy looks at my boobs, i feel quite comfortable, yet when a girl of the full on Lesbian variety stares at them, or hits on me… i feel all awkward. They always want to stroke my face, and can never just have a normal conversation with me, (well not that my conversation is normal) but really i don’t need a lady grazing my face with a hand that’s damp from her rum and coke, and whispering nothing but ‘scary thoughts’ into my ear. Why can’t they be just like boys, and realise the code is ‘BUY ME DRINKS??’ ( I still won’t ‘put out’…but it’s just polite to buy a girl booze.) In west hollywood, this gangsta chick lesbo, hit on me, after my bartender friend told her i was a lesbo, because he wanted to gain a somewhat weird threesome out of it..and i had to refuse all offers of rum and cokes from her, due to sheer fear!! I think i said, ‘No thankyou…as one minute i’ll be in the bar sipping my rum and coke, and the next i’ll be ‘legs open’ drunk and laid out on your dirty bed sheets!!’ (Nice touch!) My friend scolded me for ruining his ‘menage a trois’ and not ‘taking one for the team.’ Ah-dee-dums!
Anyway, i managed to get off my proper story and ramble on about my favourite topic….ME!! (That’s the beauty of Chrissiewunna.com.’) Wazza, has only just realised that every girl he has every kissed is now a lesbian. His FIRST kiss, a girl we went to school with is now a full on ‘rug muncher.’ A Lipstick lesbian fancies him now, and a bunch of other chicks he’s tangoed with now prefer to two step with the ladies. (hahahaha) He asked me whether it was because he looked like a girl, and should he now be a football loving, knobhead jerk off to the chicks???
I said, ‘..you don’t look like a girl (you’re jugs aren’t big enough), you could however pass as a Drag Queen, but if you start being a Knobhead to the ladies, even LESS girls will fancy you!!..Oh and lesbos like you ‘cos you’re willing to listen to all their sensitive, ‘blah, blah…’ boring stuff. Ah!! Another great day of advice by Miss.Wunna. Romance camp rocks!