Ripping off gloves with my teeth

Okay so last night is a tragic merry blur. I do know that at some point i was in a Burlesque class, pulling gloves off with my teeth to ‘The stripper’ song (Hahahaha…love my life) at the ‘Subculture’ in Leeds with about ten other girls and our sexy teacher Bella, then doing a ‘wiggle, wiggle fling’ with my glove, only to blink and find myself around a table with wine, (i’m not good at drinking wine) telling people that i’m scared of feeling tied down, water slides and pigs.

I’m one of those annoying creatures who always says ‘Oh well i’ll only stay for one,’ and find myself still there 5 hours later, after 2 more bottles of wine, trying to hit cigarettes out of a machine, with my knickers in the air and the ‘bedroom’ in my eyes. ‘Good times always get the better of me, hence why i make a shit girlfriend or wife. ( ‘Oh honey, i forgot to make dinner…i did getting drunky insteads.’) The best thing about Burlesque class is the fact that we all get trollied afterward. I just take it too far!! But i LOVE the girls and i love all the sexy dancing. I’m fanning around like i’m Dita von Teese in that joint.

You know you’re a mess if you actually miss your last train home, knowing that you’ve probably missed your last train home and not really giving two shits.Fucking hell. I was sat in a wine bar, with Bella (my teacher) getting sozzled and talking about, love, life, and ambition, under the stars. We arm in arm drunkardly marched back to the station, all giggly and useless, with all sorts of boys giving it ‘what not.’ (I roll my eyes.) Infact, some cheeky bastard was like ‘You girls look like you’ve been out since 1.30pm.’

Got to the station, looked at all the NO trains. Oh except if you live in York. Like as if anyone in York needs trains at that hour!! I was yelling that in the middle of the station and shitting myself because i had to get up at 5.30am. Anyway being the good friend that i am…I left my Bella to chill alone until 3am, with the cleaning staff, drunks, rapists & druggies jumped in a taxi and got driven all the way home. (Having money comes in handy bitches!!) I’m awful, i know. But i’m quite independant and strong in sticky situations, therfore i always think people will be okay.

Back of the taxi was hilarious!! I was sat up in the back, drunk dialing ‘Jonny’ (quite loudly) and FORCING HIM to confess undying love. I now love drunk dialing! And yeah, i’m not making a very good impression, but fuck it, that’s the beauty of Chrissie Wunna. I’m doing a really good job at ruining it all. It was like 1.30am and I was a sorry excuse of a mess, just ‘blah, blah, blahing’ down my phone at him and talking to his mate and complaining that i was being palmed off or something?? And to make it worse they were just taking the piss out of me. ME!!! Ultimate Glamour Puss!!! How dare they!! ‘Jonny’ doesn’t love in front of his friends!! Lol. (I am currently pissing myself at my tragicness!!) Awful!! I’m never drinking wine again. Awful!

Got home, ate a sausage that i forked up from god knows where?? Fell into the oven. Tripped over my foot. Tried to find water and proceeded to stroke my pussies.Recieved text messages that read, ‘Miss u beautiful’ and one that read  ‘ The station guy has just made me a tea, sleep tight.’ Hahaha!

I decided i couldn’t sleep in bed, so passed out on a leather sofa and strangely loved it more than ever. OOh la la!! (Just got done talking to Bex from Big Brother. She’s gonna come back to LA with me to be ‘amazingness.’ All my exes are trying to re-woo me and well my ‘Vegas in London’ guy friend ‘Ehab’ is upset because his ex just called him simply to tell him that she was now dating a ‘white dude.’ LOL. Nothing else. Just that!! Love being a girl!!)

3 thoughts on “Ripping off gloves with my teeth”

  1. i know u girls get away with murders if u are sorts one look with your big eyes and we wipe our mouths of it. it is good u stay out and get pissed if u only have one u are boing so if your class has nice richards chrissie i am getting a train next tuesday to join your burlesque class ha ha ha have a good day treacle u watching the england later babe


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