Proceed With Caution

Woke up abruptly to the sound of my home phone ringing.(Funniest thing ever.) I’m jumping up in my pyjamas, stumbling all over the place, tripping over bodies, looking like the Wicked Witch of The West, adorning mishapen hair, and with a face that would suggest, I had previously sucked on a lemon….in fake eyelashes!!! It was ‘Absolutely Fabulous’ style. Something tells me I don’t have a future of glitz & glam, and merely a future on the ‘Worst Dressed’ list. I need coffee!

Anyway, i didn’t get to the phone in time. (Ofcourse.) I call the number back…as i was determined to speak to someone, after my unwanted wake up call. There was no ‘pick up’ action. So I raced back into my sheets, like Speedy Gonzales on crack, gleefully leaped into the air, preparing myself for the happiest of  landings on my Wonderland of fluffy puffness. Then as soon as i hit my cosy cosy bed sheets. The phone fucking rings again!

Now, i’m pissed off! So i march like a demon, all ‘huff, puff and i’ll blow your house down,’ pick up the phone, only to get verbally abused by an american male, who’s at his 1am tiredness stage, in a different time zone. He claimed he was exhausted and needed to annoy someone and it’s apparently hilarious when i’m mad, as i’m like an angry, open mouthed clock-work doll. (And I am…so i’ll give him that! However, it’s not so hilarious before i’m fully awake.)  It ended with him crying! (Booyah!! ) And i don’t even feel bad. 

Don’t get me wrong. I’m a happy go lucky, good time, frill factory. Yet, I’m a highly passionate girly and NOT one to be reckoned (especially before 9am!) If you push me. I push back….hard. I’m as strong as they come. I seem to be great at bringing  peoples insecurities to light…without me even doing anything, but being!! Its annoying. (I’m not very ‘pick flowers not fights’ today am I? I’m getting my period.)

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