So! I have finally managed to get the most AMAZING Pre-Labour spray tan this afternoon at around 3pm at my favourite salon, ‘Talking Heads’ in Doncaster, by the one and only, very lovely Michelle Buxton. Now, i’ve known Michelle for around 3 years, when she first noticed me off the telly, with ‘The Hilton’ that is ‘Paris. Today Michelle had the wonderful honour of having to see me starkers, naked, in the utter buff. 🙂 I was 9 months pregnant, in a little room, with one of her bobbles tying up my hair in a little bun, in front of a full length mirror, in the ‘buff’ looking like a Zulu Warrior. All i needed was a spear and a banchee cry.
We giggled, we chitter chattered, we slagged off boys, praised my hubby, moaned, laughed, talked about partying, motherhood and then we got to spray tanning. The best thing about Michelle was the fact that all she wanted to do (and I did look hilariously comedic fully preggo in the ‘nudies’) was to draw a smiley face on my belly so it could look like ‘Homer Simpson.’ 🙂 I adore that about her. I mean it’s always a bit awkward when you’re naked and fully preggo, without being able to see under your bump…and she was impressed with my shaving job. (I don’t know how i’ve done it, but I’ve managed to not have a..what I call a ‘Jackson 5’ vagina area.It’s bald..with the occasional feel of a chin, if you rub it up the wrong way. 🙂
But yes, she claimed my belly looked like Homer Simpson, because my boobs looked like two big eyes. Then we got down to business and she made up a special ‘Wunna’ tanning potion…a concotion she had made only for me by pouring lots of shit together to create the most glammy tan ever.
I swear it looks divine. It EVEN HAS GLITTER IN IT. Helllooo! I love my life. My mother loves it. I love it. Keiran loves it. So, i now reckon that I’m ready to give birth. I shimmie! I mean, there’s a chance my son my even come out with gold shimmer on his face, i glisten that greatly. 🙂
Since nothing else was working…i’ve been active, i’ve had curry..i’ve counted my blessings, eaten pineapple…(i’ve done everything but sex, which is odd because Keiran’s very easy for me to bonk..he’s dreamy and when we get going we’re dynamite in the bedroom…you’d be jealous…very jealous.) But yes, nothing has been working..and yeah I know it’s not my due date yet, I still have two days, i’ve decided to go with ‘ah well’ lets groom and at least look DIVINE for when it does happen. It WILL happen soon and simply because… as I told you earlier, i’ve lost my mucus plug and I have all sorts of goodies venturing out of places that you don’t want to know about. 🙂
Tomorrow morning i have my last appointment with the Consultant..with a side of the old pre-birth ‘sweep & stretch.’ OUCH! I’ve been trying to avoid it like the plague, but the Good Lord is like ‘Bitch, you WILL get fingered by a strange lady with a smile on your face.’ I never like people to see that i’m in physical pain, if i’m REALLY in physical pain. If i’m not…then i’m i’ll make a really big scene in order to be dramatic and i have no idea why?
However, i’m ready, I’m tanned, I have just painted my nails ‘Coral’ for the art of labour. It’s a way of keeping things ‘Malibu Barbie’ so to speak. I can’t reach my toes though…so my fingers look ‘dollicious’ and my toes look like…homeless peoples.
Keiran’s really excited about the baby…he looked so happy this evening and whilst hanging off the banister, after a steak dinner that I had made him, he smiled told me how beautiful I was..that I was glowing and that he loved me and then asked me how happy I felt on a scale of 1 to 10? I told him I was off the charts happy..and I could just see in his eyes that he had finally found his peace in love. When a boy finds his peace it means the world to him. I asked him if he felt the same and he nodded whist telling me that he too was off the scale and couldn’t believe how we came together and how our paths crossed so magically. That crossing changed our entire lives…and we had no idea it was coming. There was no real reason other than love, or fate for it to happen. Just at that time, on that day…we fell in love in a second from a look. It can happen to anyone. I mean, like HE said, you must pass 100 people a day and mot everyone, if anyone tugs at your attention, even briefly, let alone enough for you to change your entire life, become a father, begin a relationship immediately, get married after 11 months and then be expecting a second child all under a year and a half.
Anyway, i better get to bed because i have avery early start. I nursery run and a hospital appointment. My mums going with me, to be nosey and Doctor like. The wardrobes are also coming tomorrow. But something tells me that i’m about to have a bambino…and well tomorrow will turn into a great dela more than I expected.
My bag is packed and i’m ready…
Keep your fingers crossed and get to pushing.
Wunna land is on edge, happy…and very very excited! We’re welcoming a son soon!!
ps, People really are much much nicer to me whe preggo. I had my tables drinks brought to me at Starbucks simply so I didn’t have to stand in line. I’m loving this bouji treatment…oh and i’m loving all my ‘You’re Fabulous’ messages. I rock and everything.
pps/ Keiran’s just come down looking so cute…like a little boy who’s just woken up from a nap. CUTE! I adore him. Best hubby ever.