Plenty of shame, in my game…

Woke up this morning, with a chick in my bed (just a friend, not anything ‘urk‘ factor) and had to immediately sit up, pause, (swear because i was being blinded by snowy sunlight) then hold my face in my hands, pissing myself with shame. What i learnt last night, is that you don’t drink Port EVER. And if you do…you do not drink it on Christmas day and them BBM ex-boyfriends, confessing undying love, due to ‘it’s almost my period,’ syndrome, being ‘emotional’ during my Port intake and well i guess the last part of that deliciously dangerous threesome is BOREDOM. I’ve noticed that whenever i’m bored, i hobby boys, because it’s the easiest and awfullest thing to do, and yeah i feel 94% embarrassed. Yet part of me (6%,) must have forgiven myself for it, as i’m now finding it mildy hilarious.

Okay, yeah…as you know, (I don’t even think i can blog this without feeling a bit ashamed, but fuck it, it happens to everyone and you’ve all done it or will do it, in time.) But anyway, last night after Eastenders, little Jonny, who i used to date, (he’s only 20 and i’m only just remembering how old he is now) were Bbm-ing. We do, coz we’re friends now and we’re quite good as friends, because really (and now i’ve had a stern talking to by another boy, who is not partial to this male,) i know that he needs to live a great deal more, before he gets to date a Glamour Puss. Like, i’m extremely well lived, and when with me, he’s sort of, always having to play a game of ‘catch-up.‘ Which isn’t nice for any 20 year old, now is it?

Anyway, being the CHAMPION that i am, all emotional and on Port, and subconciously bored, but truely meant every single word, with everything that i simply am, (I’m a passionate girl.) I decide that ‘clever clogs’ Me, is going to confess an awful undying LOVE for him, via bbm, mid conversation. A deep rooted, ‘need to be with’ type ‘ooh laa.’ I went to town on it. And well he enjoys attention…he’s a kid, therefore eggs you on to continue. I mean, we’re good friends, i know he does it with everyone…I sure as hell did as a kid.  But anyway, it was shamefully brilliant and after a 15min bbm ‘dilly-dally’…the whole 9 yards of ‘Love me, love me,’ it ended with a him and I, no longer being ‘mates‘ and an (oh fuck, i deleted my bbm history) but it went something like ‘We’re good as mates & i mean this in  a nice way, you and me are never going to happen.’ (Haha… lovely lovely…i’m well aware that this is rather embarrasing, but i’m not ashamed and I do want all you girls, who wrongly believe i get everything, to know that sometimes…i don’t.) Therefore on Christmas day i got hopelessly rejected, after Eastenders! Haha. How hilarious!!! But, i’ll call him today and apologise. I feel like right now, I genuinely don’t fancy him, i care for him like a baby brother, and i often when drunk or bored, get it all a bit mixed up and head straight for the kill. (Which is worrying. I confuse relatives for lovers now?)  Don’t get me wrong, i love Little Jon Jon dearly, but just not like i was telling him i did??? (Well not anymore.) I’m a hot hot idiot. Ugh, i feel like a Twat. *hits head into brick wall.* But luckily it was HE that actually made me realize that i didn’t fancy him in that way. Weird right? I see a bit of ME in him, (apart from i’m way more ballsy) and i always want to protect him and look after him, and help him do well in life. And that’s very different to wanting to sleep with him, innit. 🙂

And if you think all that was embarassing, Little Wunna  steps it up (*elongates her stride*) and yeah i’m now completely TAKEN…and not even by him. (All in a nights work. *shrugs helplessly*) What i was doing to him, someone else (who paid me a secret visit) was doing the same to me. LOL. And well again, i have previously dated this person and he’s a man that completely inspired me. He claimed that ‘yeah, we could both go on, living our lives seperately and being fine. But i know what it was like when we were together, and well i want that. I want us.’ And just like that…and a drive back to the airport….the ‘Glamour Puss’ was taken. And all on FUCKING Christmas day.

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