Playing Happy hero


You know you’ve had a great night…(Wunna code for being Ultimately TRAGICAL) when you’ve managed to gain a boyfriend, have boobs in sequins, work neon, kiss a girl, whip ya hair into a public mirror on a dancefloor, (i thought i looked sexy, however i honestly looked like a twat) have an emergency thong brought in for you, do shots, leave shots, have a soldier yell at a fat boy for you, due to his poor manners around quite obvious floozies, grab a last minute drink, only to not drink, walk hand in hand with a lovely who managed to get kicked out of a club and wake up with a blue party band on your right wrist, in boobs..then have to place Timmy Mallet glasses on, by a gent with a boner..followed by a blue jumper, in order the perform a ‘taxi of shame’ back home. All this whilst being 30. I’ll never learn. I think i’ll stick to not drinking ‘out-out’ and just being a mum. My feet even KILL from wearing heels. EWW!!! I mean what kind of a glamour puss am I when your shoes actually kill your feet. I understand that a true lady would never admit such a thing. However, i’m terrified that i’m losing my touch. Hence why i keep dating Toy boys. (Talking about previous Toyboys from the Wunna collection. Boyband Jonny. Who went off the rails, then got back to ‘better,’ after getting kicked out of the band and now going solo…has been trying to be my friend again. Any time a boy does that they either feel guilty, want something, regret losing you…or…well i dunno? I’m far too hungover to think right now. Look through my archives. Jonny and I did not do very well with each other. 🙂 )

On the whole i had a wonderful night. However i am now paying for it. I hate hangovers. I love being adored by handsome male ‘potentials.’ I was too hungover to have Nandos. Pete told me he adored me. The pretty boy claims he does too and i’m having to nibble on cured meat, in order to cure my hangover and in pink pyjamas with french dogs on? I’m also currently watching ‘Tashie’ get evicted from the Big Brother house (on repeat). I knew her from her audition in real life and yeah…quite annoying and yeah…i infact said back then, that she would be the first one out, if she went in. In the same moment, i’m reading ‘The Times’ to catch up on Kweku knowledge. There’s a whole ‘Chrissie Wunna’ part of quotes on his personal character. But it’s good! I mean, he’s in a great deal of trouble right now. It seems so out of character. He’s one of the kindest gentleman you’ll ever meet. At 3.30am Thursday,when we were all tucked up in bed. He was getting arrested. It’s crazy how life can pull one over on you. I pray that he’s okay. It’s so bizarre. ( I bet Ackworth school are loving us right now. Yay to former pupils, who can’t refrain from fucking up. 🙂 )

I weirdly don’t feel hungover anymore? I’m in the stage where your ‘under eyes’ ache..but it’s do-able. I’m feeling quite loved right now and i can’t wait to have my baby Ruby time tonight, after her big shopping trip with Grandma Wunna. But anyway whatever..i really need to pull myself together. The drama that Pete put me through a month ago…kind made me become quite rebellious. Reminded me of my Hollywood days. Even though i really was a glitzy, tragical terror. I sort of really loved every moment of it. (I’m getting a Flashback of that Halloween ‘slutty cave girl’ moment. I tell the story all the time. One Hollywood night, i had to climb onto the roof of an entire house, with a mango margarita in my hand and in order to save my gay friend Brandon from wanting to kill himself, by jumping off this very roof…by snogging him..and giving him a sip of my drink…dressed as a slutty cave girl. I don’t know why i love that story so much. But i think it’s because i’ve fooled myself into thinking i saved an entire life. I don’t even know why people love or trust my judgement so much? Everyone thinks i make their life better? I always blame it on my charm. However we ALL know it’s the boobs. 🙂


1 thought on “Playing Happy hero”

  1. So we’ve been reading about Kweku Adoboli in the Wall Street Journal and the N.Y. Times here in the States but wonder if there are other Ackworth students we should have a heads up on? We know about you and now Kweku and if Wazza should be up to something that’ll come as no surprise….. any others you care to warn us about?


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