Pilates Filled Tequila

 Right! I don’t join stuff. I don’t do pottery clubs, slimming clubs, collect stamps or anything like that. I don’t have the gusto for things that don’t involve well shaken cocktails or just me, me, me. Lol. 

Yet, it seems, that during the last 6 sleeps, where Junior was absent, ALL I wanted to do…was JOIN. Join everything. Start a revolution. 

Join! Join! Join! 

I didn’t want to talk to anyone whilst joining. (I think someone tried to ask me a question and I replied with, ‘I don’t know??? I’m filled with tequila.’ Haha. ) I just wanted to join and get on with it. Do the things that terrified me. Be a joiny person. 

In a weird way, I kinda wanted to go back in time and BE who I WAS. Who I used to be? I don’t understand the trigger, (I’ll leave that to the experts) but something happened??? Haha. 

Cue: Being nuts 

So, something happened where I just felt that the only way to get through this ‘dodgy old week,’ was to firstly OCCUPY myself with all sorts. THEN decide that I’m fatter than normal. (Like we do.) THEN commit to total enlightenment AND THEN (after turning Vegan) do a million things that would make me both happier and skinner immediately. Y’know, do a million things that would make me a BETTER & healthier human being. 

Tuesday morning…I showed up at the Santosha Studios, @santoshayogapontefract for the 9.30am Pilates class in Pontefract. 🙂 (All my friends cried with laughter, because as I stated on my Facebook page, I’m Half Asian/Half Tequila. I don’t lunge and stretch and certainly not on a mat around other people.) 

I’d drank a decent amount the night before. 

I do know Meli who teaches the @west_yorkshire_pilates_yoga class. Ruby & Dexter (her son) are in school together. I’d been planning to check into her Pilates shindig for ages. I just never did due to circumstance, time…excuses….court….all sorts. 


Tuesday morning…Day 3 of being vegan. Day 4 of Junior ‘being away,’ there I was…early, for Pilates, in bare feet . (I’m always early.) 

Meli: ‘I’m so glad you’re here!’ 

Me: ‘I can’t actually believe I’m here. Wait!!! I need to film it for Instagram.’ 

There I was in some silver grey, Aladdin sweats because my new Pilates leggings that I’d bought still had the flipping security tag attached to them, when I got them home. 


I was proud of myself for being there. But I was definitely terrified. I felt like I was committing to an ‘out of my comfort zone’ experience, so I knew it was good for me. I had an updo in. This was serious shit. 

However, because I’m ridiculous and never done pilates before, I weirdly thought that it would be chilled and easy…like a stretchy nap, mixed with a soft mellow breeze. 

Holy HOG!

I had never been so intensely worked out in my life!!! I couldn’t even breathe or walk afterward. I almost puked!!! Haha. I’m that unfit!!! 

I was fine at first. (I haven’t worked out in years. Maybe a decade?) But before class, a lady was going on about head stands against walls and that was me done!! 

I don’t stand on my head. My head wears tiaras & takes selfies. It dunt do that!!! 

Meli: ‘I’m actually really impressed, it’s like you’d done it before. You’re brilliant.’ 

 Me: ‘I don’t know how? I can’t even see??’ 

(Chick friend: ‘The thing about Chrissie is, that she pretends she bad at everything, when she’s actually really good at everything. She wouldn’t have gone if she thought she was going to be rubbish at it. Especially in front of people. Oh! And she REQUESTED pictures for her ‘socials.’ Haha ;)’ ) 

I’m not being funny or anything, but I NEED photographic evidence that Pilates actually happened!!! 


The ‘jollies’ kicked in, 10 minutes into it all…and I was like ‘what the hell is going on!?!’ I was sweating, trying to balance on a hog, my legs were stretched out, my bottom half was in a bridge, I was baking in a window of sun, my arms were over my head…I didn’t even know what was happening to me & Meli’s sating ‘do 10 on each side!!!’ Haha! 

It was like being pissed, but I was sober!!!???!!!

In fact, there was a moment where I just laid on my front, face down into a foam block, whilst everyone else was trying to do Pilates and I just quietly pissed myself laughing, whilst uttering swear words.

It was Tuesday MORNING for crying out loud. I was so exhausted. I’d had 4 hours sleep. I was half an hour into class and I figured if I moved one more muscle, I’d either puke or die. Like I had to choose? Haha. 

Only I would LAUGH in that moment. 

 It felt like every alcoholic drink I had ever consumed wanted to be puked out? 

But I got through it. The class was great. It was really thorough and intense on the old core. It was hard, but I wanted the class to challenge me. I’m not one to go to the gym, so I needed a more creative way to tone, burn calories and search for spiritual well being. Haha. 

It was perfect!! That hour was LONG though!!!!  

Class like environments are good for me. I’m naturally filled with pride, so i’ll want to do well. I’ll want to push and be all ‘look at me.’ I’m pathetic like that. 🙂 I can’t do a trainer because I’m certainly not bothered about having someone shout at me, whilst making me do things I dislike. Lol 

I can’t wait to pilates again!!! Literally couldn’t walk the next day AND I had to take two naps. I even took a day off my ‘socials.’ (Oh Lordy!!) However, that night was the first night I had actually slept like a baby! 

I’m still deciding if I can make this Tuesday morning (i might have to alternate through Summer) because I have Dance class at Koby Studios, (Haha…Hello Joiner….) in Leeds Tuesday evening…and also this week is my Junior week, so I want to spend as much time with him as I can. 

It didn’t end there….

That evening….after Ruby laughed her head off at the fact that I was dying after Pilates….I went to see a good chick friend of mine ‘Hustle Barbie.’ She’s started her own business and so ofcourse, I let her whop our some Henna and tackle the brows of Wunna Land….

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