Having one of those Bank Holiday weekends where you’re proud to be a Mum. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m always highly proud of my loin fruit. However, to be honest, i’ve come a very long way from my Hollywood days, where I spent most of my time giving in to things and being tragic drizzled in booze and sequins. Even when I got back, I felt so desperate for love that I immediately chose the wrong boy, followed with the next wrong boy, which found me either getting stood up, selling myself short (due to my desperado-ness) or being used. But that was in London. Once I moved back, and shook myself together again. (I’ll always remember being so trashed after a boy didn’t love me many moons ago that I literally crawled around Kensington to my giant hotel suite. If you ever find yourself doing that…and in a white dress and diamonds…KNOW that you are with the wrong fella. 🙂 )
Anyway, got back to Yorkshire, felt loved, pulled my sexy socks up and got my act together. Worked hard, didn’t play at all, found a boy to ‘relationship with’ who i respected and along came Ruby. Time passed and although that relationship didn’t do ‘forever,’ it was okay because Pete and I to this day get on really well and because we birthed the most dotty little girl together. We’re not stupid enough to ruin her happiness.
Later came and I met another boy. One that swept me off my feet, who I had an immediate connection with. I was whole, stable and together by this point meaning I could judge the bond fairly. He liked me too and after weeks was down on one knee asking me to marry him. We married…and 9 months later…out popped my absolutely gorgeous little boy Junior.
This weekend has really solidified me as a MUM. When I say Mum, I don’t just mean the act of pushing a ‘delicious’ out of you privates, I mean it in the sense where you really serve your purpose. My LA friends are SO shocked that I would ever be a mum of two already. I hobbied handsomes and left them when they messed up. Or vice versa. Yet yesterday when I drove myself and my pretty little family, (minus any Daddy) to the fair, I felt strong, happy and sort of like a champion. I was beaming and ready to SNATCH the ‘Mummy of the year’ title from…well whoever has it. 🙂
I took to the kids to the fair and for a bit of shopping and well any time you find yourself stood next to a juggling clown, by a sandpit convincing your daughter that ‘he’s not that scary’ as she cowers away and asks you to win her a teddy..and ALL you want is to make sure you win her everything her heart desires…you know you’ve come a long way. (Well aside from the fact that we won a goldfish and I told the guy that she wasn’t allowed it, so she had to walk away with a fluffy toy banana instead. 🙂 )
We played, we won, Ruby jollied on rides, as Junior giggled and watched on. I felt like a proper mum…and like I was a lot better and a great deal more independent that I ever thought i was. I had lost that about it, as it had daunted me a little. Or men had. But I can do ANYTHING…and like…I really weirdly CAN. I’M ACE.
Both kids were a delight..but then they passed out. I mean, as if on hour at the fair kills’em like that. How are they gonna handle doing LIFE. The goo dthing is that my cousin and aunty have come up from London, meaning the kiddies are majorly tagged teamed. They’re ‘loved’ out. It’s tiring being adored, i’m telling you. They’ve had so much fun! I mean, even hiding in the loos from the hand dryer excited Rubes (see below)…life really couldn’t be much better.
My Baby Cousin with my Baby Girl. (Being forced to wear the sunglasses)
Passed out, after the fair.
Junior and his Aunty.
So yeah, all yesterday we did the fair, we committed to shopping and I drove them there myself…which is a BIG thing for me. I’m Queen Independence now.
Today has been about partying. And no I don’t mean cray, vodka stripped memories. I mean, a little boy at Ruby and Juniors nursery had his 3 yr old party today. Theme: Pinic, Party In the Park. (Posh Pinic, as his Mum Victoria says. #loveit.)
Rubes love a party and has been EXCITED for this for AGES. She adores Edwards and all her nursery friends, so today has been spent initially going to a big old family breakfast, then at the park for the party. Rubes rocked leopard print and yellow. 🙂 I always seem to dress her MADLY. Even one of the mums said, ‘Aww, it’s cute when you let them pick their own clothes out.’ Lol. She looked like a one foot tall Scary Spice. Junior slept through most of it, but each Mum eagerly awaited his ‘wake up,’ and once up, he was adored and ‘loved upon.’ It was like ‘Pass the Parcel’ but with a half Asian baby. The prize being cuddles. I don’t know how he managed to charm Mums…but he does and I love it. Rubes rushed around the entire park, loving every waking moment of life. She currently likes to do EVERYTHING ‘by myself,’ so I kinda have to let her get on with it…and i’m impressed. She’s quite independent for a little one. When she needs me she’ll tell me…which is just the way I am. So i get it. She wanted me to put her in the baby swing, yet didn’t want me to push her because obviously she can do it ‘by myself.’ Lol.
Two hours later and she didn’t want to leave. Junior pooed and poor Victoria ended up changing him on her knee, after I looked bewildered. ‘Where do I change him?’ I can’t believe i chose on some other mums knee.’ 🙂
But yes, they’re both pretty shattered and well Ruby has gone to Pete’s as I play with Junior at home.
His ‘Give me food Mam’ face.
I’m really proud of myself today because I always think I can’t manage the little things in lfe, but I can. I’ve done it all myself today and loved it. I’m impressed with myself, so i’ve treated myself to cake. Best cake ever is ‘victory’ cake.
Tomorrow is the last day of full on Mummying, before they go back to nursery, so i’m gonna make the most of it. I’m still doing something that scares me on a daily and it really is shocking myself and my system.
On the Keiran front and with my feelings..We haven’t spoken. I’m used my time wisely. I have missed him. I mean yesterday when my stubborness eased away and I felt happy, I missed him and in and out today I thought about him here and there. That’s what happens though isn’t it. You think about everything you’ve been through together and the times that you’ve shared. Yet i just don’t believe that he cares about me. I just need to balance things out a little and weigh how i feel emotionally. However right now, he’s not here and well what can you do but your best. Weirdly my best is really *swear here* GOOD! 🙂
I love being a mummy.