Peter Pan’s, Labour terror, Crumpets and Cheese


God! I got called a ‘Cunt’ and a ‘Bad trick of a mum’ the other day on Twitter, by a blond that I don’t even know in America. My fan base is tremendous. 🙂 They’re good to me, aren’t they! 🙂 Some get flowers. I get sworn at. Lol. I forget that almost every continent and 164 countries read this bit of nonsense, *boast-boast-brag-brag-check it-double deck it* as each jolly day passes..but really I do forget, as I’m just doing life and currently from the exotic climates of Pontefract. Meaning…I forget that just as much as people adore me…they also despise me…well they despise my previous persona, which I kind of enjoy because all attention to me is good attention. When you’re 32 the ‘hater crew’ is like water off a ducks back. Yet saying that, I never know whether the American Diva’s are just playing, as is kidding, because there’s weirdly a green light to speak to me in such a manner because everyone thinks that’s how I truly am as a person…open mouthed, minded and able to humbly ‘kick it’ with ya’ll…they read my life or have seen me out on Hollywood and so they think i’m they’re best friend. Which I also enjoy. Yet…at the end of the day, i’m a cool…yes….:)  but i’m a Brit…and even though i’m decorated in a sequinned, wiggle of delight…i’m deep down a snobby, poshy Brit. 🙂 You can call me a cunt…or a tramp…or a ‘5 cent whore’ for having a baby on the telly…(even though it was filmed for the BBC, yet the Youtube version was a ‘no money shot’ home video…that approx: 958,000 viewers decided to watch) but ‘bad trick of a mum’ is poor manners. It doesn’t go well with champagne. All i’m gonna say is when the girl in question is not a ‘bottle service’ girl, who believes everyone’s boyfriend wants her and that life should be played in such a manner…then I can be bothered. Right now, I have everything I want and I feel really lucky because I started off having everything I needed to put my best foot forward, gambled it ll away, drank it and partied it pathetically in Hollywood and then finally found my worth once more. Great world, great life, great career, budding star, money making, loving husband, beautiful daughter, son on the way, and an amazing family. I’ve got my foundation, the package and the bundle now and that’s the hard part…now that I have it, all I have to do is carry it up the rungs of the ‘Ladder of Greatness’ and I intend to…once my son is born. The quest for my own solid foundation and for love, family and ‘forever’ is now accomplished…the rest of my time is all about success. Making my mark. Everyone can…and it’s just so much easier when you don’t waste your time hating on others that are doing better than you and instead concentrate on what you have going on that’s so great. (Ya weirdo. 🙂 )

When I read the Tweet, I was actually in my 9 month of pregnancy, cuddling the freshly bathed Baby Ruby, who was tucked up in bed watching ‘Cinderella.’ What more do you want from me. 🙂 I’m Mummy of the Goddamn year! She was at Pete’s all day and we had the perfect night with one another. Our bond is precious and because we’re quite alike. In fact everyone in our family is quite alike, as Keiran is the same. Good of heart, believes in ‘dreams coming true,’ loving, affectionate, ambitious and ridiculous all at the same time, dipped in ‘Diva.’ We’re all like that. I mean you’d think things were a bit awkward with Ruby growing up as she calls Pete ‘Daddy Pete’ and Keiran ‘Daddy’ and she does it in front of then both, because to her that’s the ‘norm.’ it must hurt Pete a little, yet he’s too well mannered to say, because Ruby is so happy and that’s his main priority. But Keiran suggested we all have a chat to make sure parenting is going down the way everyone wants it to go and especially because we have ‘the bump’ on the way shortly…I don’t really wish for obvious divisions in my family and Keiran doesn’t either, because he never really knew his father or got to see him up, when his other brothers and sisters got to hang out with theirs. Plus, Pete was adopted…he has a wonderful adoptive Father, who took him in at 6 weeks old, but he doesn’t know his biological father at all.  It’s quite a big issue with both boys, so we’re wanting to  make sure the transition and change is smooth wth both the new bump and ‘B’Doobie ‘(What i call ‘Ruby’,) and it will be.  I just want us all to feel whole and as one, the way Ruby does now. It works so well and her development emotionally, physically and academically is absolutely AMAZING. We can’t believe how well she’s doing. *Stepping off her serious stool and getting back to the fun part of Wunna land.*

Okay, so today it’s raining. Hardcore pissing it down. I have a banana peel by my side, the washer is on ‘spin’ and at 2.30pm today I have  flipping Health Visitor appointment. JEEZE! How many appointments so I need? they keep telling me ‘everything’s fine’ and that I’m going to have a solid, perky, labour, with no complications that they can see right now. Jolly good! Lets get this show on the McGlitzy road. But why am I needing to have a gzillion appointments. I went to Ponty Hospital TWICE in one week last week and then to the surgery the week before that. Now it’s Monday and i’m back with having a health visitor knocking on my door for a check up, followed by a further visit from the midwife on FRIDAY! I don’t get it? There wasn’t this much medical fuss when I had Ruby? What’s the matter? I need to nest and for them to leave me alone. Maybe I shouldn’t answer and hide behind my freshly bought loaves of bread, peeking over with my ninja slanty eyes? Or maybe I should answer, yet drink gallons of rum before hand and get drag queens to dance around her to the Samba, in order to make a scene and make her trip worth it. I mean, it’s raining heavily, the poor old thing. Nobody wants to get their weave wet in the rain. Especially just to poke in, look me up and down, feel my bump and say, ‘Everything’s fine.’ It’s not worth the star tricky trek-trek, is it? Yanno! *Hood sign here* (I’ve just eaten a burger patty. Sexy! Now for crumpets.)

Last night, Keiran and I did the snuggle thing again. I love being at home these days because I get a snuggle in every room I enter. We cuddled up and again watched a romantic ‘on the telly’ comedy. They keep being on by accident and it’s just lovely at the end of the night to settle down, think about the great things you have in life and give the man you love a cuddle, as he cuddles you right back, to made in Hollywood ‘love stories.’ I think Keiran’s horny right now because he’s always ass smacking and zooming in on sex and liking me to tickle him in parts that I particularly deem as ‘naughty-naughty.’ * Ooh face.*

All was well and we were delighted to be with one another. I was sponged in a glow of happy preggoness, to the point where I felt it was quite bad of me to say how much I didn’t enjoy being pregnant before. I feel really lucky now and I don’t  know whether it’s because our family life and relationship has hit a peak of euphoria, or whether I feel more stable hormonally and emotionally, or just because i’m at the end of the nine months and therefore see the light at the end of the tunnel? Who knows. I still won’t have a gzillion children until I have my millions though. You have to have enough love (which most people have,) enough time and more than enough money. It takes all three and you’re silly if you don’t realize that. For me to raise more than 2 children the way I wish to…I need millions, because I have the love packed in me already. That’s just my own view with knowing what I personally can cope with. As once when I was on a hot tub at home in LA…a guy told me in a hot tub that he was doctor…a decent guy he was, you could tell by his manner. He had 6 brothers and sisters, and they didn’t know their fathers and they were poor. Not chavy. But poor. His mother raised them all by herself…in the good old ‘strong black woman’ way, under the hardest circumstances. Three of them are doctors, two of them lawyers and the final child was a teen, meaning her destiny was yet to be discovered. But a round of applause to that lady!  I don’t know how she did it. However I did actually get to meet her, as she was visiting him the following week, they were really close and loving. This time we all sunbathed. 🙂 #hardlife She told me that it was easy because she ‘set the example’ by working hard, 2 jobs and loving them immensely, whilst passing on knowledge, her life knowledge, earning their respect and guiding them the right way in life.

It’s a moment…that as you can see..i remember to this day. I was actually married at the time…so I listened to her intently. I love people who have great stories to tell that are short, but direct (the story, not the person 🙂 ) and hit me with a life lesson to remember. I never listened more, which was odd as at the time I had zero intention of having children, a child…let alone 6..even though my movie star hubby would’ve adored it. That was me at 23. I’m now a decade older, in a completely different part of the world, back where I began…and now learning from this lady. 30 is a good place to be because it’s the place where I was able to take a step down from always making things just ‘about me’ sacrificing things to care for the people that matter to me. (Currently eating crumpets.) I watched ‘About a boy’ the Hugh Grant movie yesterday and there was a quote in it that resembled how i saw my life and it was the fact that my life was all about me, It was a movie, that I was the STAR of. Everyone else sort of a guest appearance, co-star, or they qualified for reoccurring role..they’d come in and out, but I was the STAR, so I just moved on tending to my life, making everyone else a second class citizen.

Things are different now. (I now have cheese in my hair. UGH! Stupid crumpet.) My life is now of worth. I have things in life that matter. My children, my husband, my family and ofcourse ME. But now i’m able to share my throne, something I never wanted to do before or maybe I thought i wanted to do, but couldn’t when it came down to it.)

Anway, we were watching a romantic comedy, cuddling, Keiran was moaning that my weave itched him chest. THEN he told me that he would be away this weekend…because the security company that he part owns, is ready and set to tend to their first festival of the Summer. I think there’s around 26 or 27 in total. His company is running the security for them all. This the first one, in Derbyshire. I didn’t know it was all happening so soon, so now the stress-o-meter has *boinged* up like a clown boner because i’m thinking, ‘Hang on a minute, I have labour in 2 weeks and a couple days!! I could GIVE BIRTH this weekend. What if he’s not there, or misses it, or doesn’t make it in time, or I need him??’ SHIT! It’s scary because my waters could break on Friday night, he’s driven off to work away…and he won’t be around to even drive me to the hospital and be there for me immediately. Like I’d have to wait until he has made it back. It adds a note of terror to it all. It’s not my favourite because it worries me and you all know what ‘sods law’ is like with me. I’ve managed to hide from the Good Lord all this time, so he doesn’t notice that i’m having a baby, because he’ll add drama. But i don’t wanna give birth until after this weekend now because i need him to be there, or make it on time to hand hold and everything! I have my mum..i do, i do. But i’ll feel like a single mum, instead of a loved up wifey. Terrifying. I’ll be fine either way, won’t I. I know I will. It’d just be nice, if he was around for it all. Derbyshire’s not that near Wakefield. He can’t get there in 15 minutes.

I currently have ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’ on my telly box. She’s having to deal with men who have the ‘Peter Pan’ syndrome. When will men learn that women, real women want fully grown up men…not Peter Pannish boys. It’s a saying with boys innit. Even if they don’t mean it. Sort of like when teenage boys say they love lesbians…etc…old story. In fact, Keiran even stated that he was ‘Peter Pan’ and never wanted to grow up. Women don’t like that, we’re not attracted to men of that sort. It’s like a man saying, ‘Hi, I’m still a boy, and I never want to grow up and love you an be faithful to you and care for you like a grown up, and provide for you, love you romantically, be a great man, father husband and work hard to make money. i want to still wear my party shoes, do whatever I want, with the boys, keep geting pissed and fucked up, in stick to the floor nightclubs, flirting with girls and without you complaining and without having to commit to your values and whilst you look after me. I want to always put me first and the things i want, instead of putting what’s best for you, me and the family before my own selfish boyish needs.’ 🙂 We don’t like that. Why would we, we’re not stupid. 🙂 These men on this show are hideous…and they’re millionaires. Plus, they’re syaing that they boned everyone, because they can, yet would never marry a girl or commit to a girl who ever had sex with them on the first , third or fifth date. Lol.

‘Peter Pan’ syndrome never works with grown up women. It’s the sort of thing a teen girl or an early 20 something that isn’t so experienced with men put up with because they are not as secure as they need to be just yet. In the past, if i’ve met a ‘Peter Pan’ type boy…i’ve just placed him back on the conveyor belt and let him chug along to the next chica, who can be bothered. It takes a lot to transition over from boy to man. Though once they learn it, they are truly a great species. They do the bins and everything. 🙂 *Wiggle-Wink*

Talk to you later. Let me get this cheese out of my hair.

This is America’s newest reality tv star. No joke. Her name…. ‘Honey Boo Boo Child,’ aka Alana Thompson. She reminds me of the former version of myself before I became a mum at the bar. 🙂 She’s 6. I can’t help but adore her, even though I shouldn’t. You can’t pick on kids, they only are what they have learnt from the environment that they are gooey dunked into.


Ps/ Today nursery said, ‘Ruby looks like an advert for holidays.’ Lol. Anyone would think i’d sent her in a tropical bikini, with a beach ball, an umbrella drink and an Ibiza sound track. #maybetomorrow 🙂

PPs/ My top lip has swollen up, well sort of looks swelly due to a new fabulous MAC lipstick. It’s ace because it looks likes i’ve either had them done, which I would never do, because I hate pain and well I have big lips anyhow, OR…i’ve eaten squid. (The only think i’m allergic to. It’s makes my top lip McDuckie Pout.)




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