Pete has lost his mind

He’s going through a mid-life crisis. A hilarious moment of ‘he think’s he looks old’ and at the very mild age of 25, has ocurred! I’m in stitches at how far ‘Loverboy’ has decided to go, in order to feel the fountain of youth upon his brow once more. When you hear the voice of your ‘handsome’ asking if he can borrow your eyeliner pencil and then 7 minutes later witness the foolery that I have been blessed to witness, you know you’re about to hand the ‘other half’  title, of your ‘whole’ to a complete and utter…. nutjob. (I don’t care if he flops his willy out by a tumble dryer.)

Okay, so Pete walks back into the room 7 minutes later with a Bee Gee’s swagga, thinking he’s all the rage and 10 years younger…with what looked like his new HAIR! Now, I’m a Glamour Puss. I’m all for a bit of a new do! We know I love my weave. YET when the new hair is your girlfriends EYELINER  and you’ve tried to be unfortunately creative in order to feel young again. You can’t blame me for being concerned. *Does puzzled face*

It seems Pete in a moment of utter panic and in a desperate attempt to cling onto his ever dying youth, *Rolls eyes* decided to COLOUR IN the receeding parts of his hairline, with firstly black Biro and then MY EYELINER (after the Biro didn’t work on his sweaty bald parts) in order to make himself more fanciable. HAHAHAHAHA! This is the father of my child! I used to be married to a movie star for crying out loud. I’m now having babies and romantic forever love with a human who draws hair on his fricking head!!!

He truely, no word of a lie, believes that his receeding hairline is ruining his darling ‘good looks’ to the point where COLOURING IN his bald patches with biro and then eyeliner has now dawned upon him as a wonderful idea. I love men, when they’ve gone a little wacky out of insecurity. I’m used to this kind of ‘show.’ Yet they’ve never coloured in their bald patches. HAHAHAHAAH.

I mean he’s sitting on the sofa right now, with drawn on hair rocking our child. Infact, he now seems to have a drawn on beard and moustache??? What has happened? I went out to buy a beef sandwich and in the time that I have been absent, the whole of Wunna land seems to have fallen to pieces. Loverboy has coloured in hair and is chilling like it’s REAL…and he won’t fight the feeling. ‘Now be honest Chrissie. Do I look younger? Do you fancy me more now?’

Drawn on hair officially terrifies me from this day forward. You people, make my blog writing far too easy on me. He’s trying to kiss me with an eyeliner moustache! What the pokery is going on?? I’ve literally  sent another boy *doo-laa-lee!*  If this is Pete at 25, then Lord Knows what i’ll be victim to when he actually gets properly old! (‘Pete…your hair is DRAWN ON. I can’t tell you that I fancy you. You look like a fucking weirdo.’)

Anyway, I was gonna tell you how I had a bit of a much needed pamper day. Now i’m a new mum, you don’t get a REAL pamper day, you only get time to fo your nails. But that i did. I now rock hot pink tips, with a silver glitter band. #BEME! I’m tanned. I’m feisty. I FINALLY FIT into my old clothes. [Party Dance Move Here.] I made the chinese nail lady cry, after telling her the story of my current sleepless nights. (Apparently it took her back to when she had her baby girl. I’m good at taking people back to a time they had forgotten, via my life…and then making them accidentally cry, over a full set and glitter.) It was oddly moving…until i got charged £32. But whocares, I loved the chinese nail lady and well my hot pink tips, with silver glitter band ROCK!! I say, worth it..and mainly because mid-file down she kept forcing me to do vagina clenches, in order to ‘keep it tight.’ lol AND I got a cuppa tea!

Other than all that I bought sight. I invested in an extra pair of slutty secretary glasses. I bought a sun bed session and DOLLs do i feel AMAZING. Today is the first day in 9 months that I actually feel back! I feel sexy glamourous and back to being ME! I worked it. I strutted and winked at anyone that would stand infront of me long enough and I had an eraand running blast. I have my ‘ooh laa’ back, my body back, my world back and it just feels great to be swaggering my confident little ‘Mmmkay’ around once more! Hurrah!!! Loving it.

I enjoyed all the attention, all the stares, milked the compliments and thanked every women that congratulated me on getting my ‘ooh‘ back in full ‘Daddio’ force. Bitches The Wunna is BACK! I feel powerful I’m HOT again and it feels goooooood!

I did the whole afternoon in sunglasses and faux fur, ran back home and told Loverboy how wonderful my day of ‘attention‘ had been. After 9 months of waddling around, it really made a difference to step out and have people look and treat Me the same way that they always did. It made me feel sexy again. I’M FINALLY A M.I.LF!!! *Ticks that off her life long goal chart.*

Infact, now I think about it, since coming home and telling Pete about how all the boys were giving me the ‘Woobie woobie’ (It’s what we call the ‘oooh she’s a bit of alright’ look.) He THEN decided to colour in his bald patches with Biro. HAHAHA. Aww…he’s trying to be all young so i fancy him even though I love him anyway. We’re a couple that couldn’t be more in love. Me getting the old figure back terrifies him. Like I said, he’ s not keen on the other ‘handsomes’ swaggering in. I cuddled him earlier, when I was all smiles of excitement. He looked at me and said ‘You’re making me feel nervous again.’ Whenever i’m all confident and Kitty ‘ooh.’ He turns shy?

I think i’m gonna wipe off his drawn on beard and give him a big smooch. Not only does he need some TLC. But I’m sure Baby Ruby (who now has a terrible rash all over her face 🙁 ) is terrfied. I’ve just read an email stating that I’m meant to be at work right now. Oopsie!!! I didn’t even realize!!!

1 thought on “Pete has lost his mind”

  1. Lovely darling , i wish to get succesful in life like you. If you can help me in any way please add me on facebook or mail me.
    Take care Darling. xxx
    Tara Jordan

    Reply

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