Okay, so I was in Edinburgh yesterday. Actually did 8 and a half hours travelling and only 2 and a half hours shooting. I wanted the perfect, ‘never been seen before’ pics for my book cover and inserts, so I paid photographer Brian Richmond a visit and handed him the job of making me look delicious, on camera.
I’ve pretty much been a model my entire life. Therefore i guess i know what i’m doing? However, for the first time in a lon time, i actually began to feel really insecure. Brian is one of the most published glamour photographers in good old
Scotland, therefore knowing that didn’t scare me (as he was highly honoured to shoot me.) Yet, the knowing that my body, due to recently having a bambino, wasn’t up to scratch, made me feel all uncomfortable.
I’m an open girl. I told him this immediately and well he began our rapport, by getting all my outfits out and displayed upon a table and then telling me that he was not only a master at his trade, but also needed me to feel like I was 21 and filled to the brim with that Chrissie Wunna ‘Va voom.’ He made me show him my stomach. I did and then…i didn’t feel so bad anymore. Well until i had to squeeze into the tiniest corsets, panties and god knows whatelse. Lol. The only thing i fitted into was my tiara. However i guess that’s mildy reassuring with me having the ego the size of 22 elephants?
I’m feeling fat. I’m in stockings, corsets and tiaras. I’m draped over things that my 30 year old body shouldn’t even be attempting to drape over and well i worked hard. Two and a half hours. Nice and fast, nice and proffessional I was done. I loved every moment of it, because i believe that the pictures will have turned out deliciously. I’m more cutsie than anything else. Yet every being that shoots me, always wants me to look slaggy or do a topless shoot. Even ever the professional Brian tried to make me. ‘Why don’t we do a few cheeky topless pix for Pete?’ Yeah right whatever. I’m a mum now. I have no interest in topless Wunna pictures and it sends off a very old message about me. Plus, i’d need to get paid. 🙂 Plus, Pete can see my me naked whenever he wants. I don’t need to take a picture of my boobies and email them to him. LOL.
I got out of that little predicament charmingly. Adjusted my tiara. Then got naked, with a piece of giant cloth over my lady parts…and continued to enjoy the rest of my Glamour Pussy shoot. Loved it. Missed my little family the whole entire time. I’m really excited to see the pictures. Brian is a genius! However more than anything and from what i’ve seen of his work, he is WONDERFUL at editing pictures and that is just what i want. Those magical pictures, that tell a story.
I’m not gonna tell you anything else about them…other than i actually fitted into black body stock, in 9 inch heels, that I won from Paris Hilton and whilst being on a swing made of chain. LOL. What is my life??? I had a great time. Brian was really respectful. You won’t get to see the actual pictures, until the book is out and well then i got my arse back home. Hellooo 4 hour journey!
The train home was horrific and I was freezing. You know when you’re just exhausted and need to be at home. I felt that way and unfortunately in floozy wear and peach…with luggage on wheels. UGH!
My train back from Edinburgh was a circus…I was starving and this old tattoeed, bald man, kept trying to offer me lager and make me listen to Patsy Cline on his ipod. He said he was lonely and he needed a friend and that I firstly must feel like a ‘cunt’ for not sitting with him, over lager and secondly not tell anyone he’s about to smoke in the toilets. As if that wasn’t enough, after spending the day being shot in tiaras, by one of the top glamour photographers…but he kept doing giant comedy *winks* at me and pretending he wasn’t trying to feel me up, by talking to close to my face, spitting every other word and then trying to go in for the ‘lean in’ snog. WTF!!!!
Then he nipped me, before he did a wee, as he passed and a bunch of the loudest ever Geordies clambered onto the train and began shouting, being footballer hooligans and actually stealing cans of lager from the buffet cart. They openly stole them and threw full cans of the not bought lager over people’s heads and down the isle of the train cabin, THREW THEM! It was mayhem for a whole entire stop. I never wanted to be at home more.
I looked at my phone clock and i had 2 whole hours left. The tattooed, bald man wouldn’t leave me alone, continued trying to make out with me, kept placing his headphones in my ear and kept asking me if i felt like a ‘cunt.’ I just looked at him, fake smiled and said ‘No, not at all. You survived it.’
Hours later. I heave myself and my luggage off the train at Doncaster and then get molested my more drunk boys, who double cuddle me from the back and the front, with the everso romantic words of’ Wow, your tit’s feel good.’ I backed off, laughed and told him that his didn’t. 🙂 With that he called me a ‘cheeky bitch’ and ran off with the rest of the drunks.
I finally see my brother, who guards me to Mercedes safety. I’m driven home by my mum. I knock on Pete’s door, freexing cold and with my pathetic luggage on wheels by my side. The door swings open and i fall into his arms with relief. What a day! Can’t wait to see my pictures. they better have been worth it. 🙂
Today we’ve had a lovely family day and enjoyed dinner at ‘The Dam Inn,’ (Best service ever) followed by a beautiful walk around the park/woods of Newmiller dam with Ruby. Pete took pictures all the way. I just enjoyed nature and being a wifey and a mum. My favourite things ever. We walked around the dam for an entire hour and enjoyed how beautiful life was. I mean usually if you’re in the woods, you’re on a teddy bears pinic or getting sexually abused. Today we had family day and it was glorious. I don’t even want to go to work tomorrow. Life is too perfect at home, with Loverboy and Rubes.
I’m on a diet. I’m working out and i’m getting ready for the nect coming weekend, where I have ANOTHER THING to audition for. Knackered much! I’m tired of being a chub-fest. I’m sick fo looking at fatty pictures of me. I finally have Pete on board and now he’s helping me diet and get back to the way i want to be.
Loving every moment of today. I can’t believe it’s back to work tomorrow. 🙁