I love the ‘Yorkshire Post.’ They did the sweetest feature on me today, with the cutest little ‘Party Picture with Paris.’ It was great. They really got me and who i represent as a person. Which is odd as reporters usually go down very dodgey routes of untruthy truths! I love dodgey routes of Untruthy truths as they are always 100 times more exciting. If i was a reporter i’d always make stuff up. Job well done my Chaps! Infact, you guys made me sound quite decent! (Evil Laugh!)
I’ve had a busy day today of interviews, hesitating, stuff in my eye (oh-er) and cups of tea. Yet the best part of this Merry Madness we like to call ‘Monday’ was having to get ridiculously glammed up, with glitter eyelashes, ease myself into the squeeziest of ‘little black dresses,’ (i’m all lumps, bumps and store bought curves…so the ‘squeezing’ is a chore! Go Jessica Simpson!! ) Then i had to sexily stumble strutt outside, into the freezing cold in over priced heels, actually tripping over a garbage can of cat shit and sludge (says it all really) and pose in my garden, in the left over snowy mud for a local newspaper. It’s hilarious. I’ve gone from a Hollywood life, then a British Tv show to standing by a wet back -garden bush, so a lovely man could snappity snap some shots really quick before i died in the chillest of airs. (Double Brrr…..) I love it all. Which totes up some jolly ‘Loser’ points. I was shamefully red carpet posing, like a Prize idiot, in a dress and diamonds in my own back yard. CHAMPION! God knows what he thought!! I’m sure i made great afternoon office gossip. I’m soo camp it’s delicious. As soon as his car drove off, and after a flurry of smiling and waving… i ‘rickety racked’ back inside and leapt into the most snuggly set of old pyjamas, furry dressing gown and hugged myself warm. I looked like Old Mother Hubbard…..on crack.
I have lots coming up and a smile on my little asian face. I’m just taking the piss out of myself threefold and it’s working like a charm. (You Fools!) I’ve had to do a lot of comforting today. Lots of people calling me with their troubles in dying hope that i’ll make them smile. (Oh the pressure!) Luckily all i have to do is tell them a story of my tragic life and all of a sudden they think, ‘Shit yeah, i’m no way near as bad as you.’ Little Miss.Wunna bringing Peace and herpes to the World a wink at a time!! Itchy crotches all the way!!