Woke up this morning to the funniest commercial, in the world ever. Oh and i mean ‘funny,’ as in laughing AT it, and not ‘funny’ as in laughing WITH it.
So 3 plus size ladies, models, whatever you want to call them, were galloping around on my TV screen, in the most wretched long white FLORAL, bag like dresses, quite happily walloping around like bulls in a china shop, whilst doing the ‘John Travolta, pelvis thrust, with wiggly finger movements,’ dance move ( you know the one i mean,) during my morning coffee!! They were apparently happy, because now they can order clothes online from ‘Marisota’ or whatever,( of the baggy, floral variety)..hence the gleeful prancing. I’m not being mean or anything, but yes, WORST commercial EVER!! Who the hell came up with that??? The skinny Victoria Secret models, get the sexy commercial, with darkness, nakedness, oil dripping from their bodies, whilst they slowly writhe around in thongs, with wings. Yet the fatties, get MASSIVE baggy dresses, brigth lights,and the worst dance moves EVER, for their commercial!! I feel their pain!! It’s really not fair.
Then like my life couldn’t get any worse, i then flick the station at 11.20am, to see a GRANNY, who sells sex toys for a living, sniffing a lilac coloured GINORMOUS dildo, whilst it was merrily pulsating upwards!!!! She really was sniffing it, and making others sniff it too!! I mean, i’d never make anyone sniff mine!! (haha) This is why England is ACE, as you would never beable to see that on American TV, at 11.20 am. However, you would probably beable to see that in real life at the bottom of your west hollywood street, so who knows??? haha. I actually have no complaints about the Granny, with her dildos, she was GREATNESS, and actually use to work in a Post Office. However the fact that even Grannies are now stealing MY jobs, is somewhat upsetting!!! Like it isn’t competitive enough already!!! Anyway sadly, life really does go on!!
Oh and get this, (great morning) I managed to call into a competition line, at the same time as viewing such delights, to try and be the Winner of £13,000. I do this sometimes when i’m feeling lucky!! I guess, i must have dialed the wrong flipping number, and accidently confirmed that, I too, am a sufferer of Facial Blindness???’ I don’t know what that is?? Yet i have been blinded, many a time, by a weird substance, shot into my face…so i don’t actually feel too bad about that!!! Maybe i’ll get some help??
Anyway, i’m going to fix myself something to eat, as i’m bored, and there’s nothing quite like, stuffing your face, out of boredom. It’s really healthy! And maybe I too can get on a ‘Marisota’ commercial. But i do really want to get a kitten. Obviously, i can’t get one as of right now, because i’m currently in England, and not back home in LA. I was at my friends place, on Sunday, i’ll call him, ‘Wish i had his house,’ and he had a cat, on a bed, called ‘Benny,’ now ofcourse, i want one. Yet, i want to name mine ‘Pussy.’ You can just Imagine!! ( ‘here Pussy, Pussy.’) Yes!!
I kind of believe that whatever name a girl gives her domestic pet cat, is the name she secretly uses for her little ‘ Bagina.’ Paris calls her’s ‘Prada.’ I call mine ‘Pussy,’ = Greatness!!!
I really am going to go right now, and make some Mclunchy. I love you, and welcome to Chrissie Wunna’s Topless Tuesday!!!