Random babbles…lucky you!!

Lots of ‘stuff,’ is happenning. Lots of work is appearing out of nowhere, lots of gin is being drunk in celebration, and i feel like i’m on top of the world! Whoever said it was ‘lonely at the top’ was just ‘anti social,’ as it sure as hell feels GREAT to me!! ( but i am a complete whore face…so, you judge??) When i got fired from ‘Crunch Gym,’ (who’s motto is ‘No judgements’) for wearing a skirt to work, or being too flirty or who knows?? I caused a lot of drama, and i had too many bedroom ( well parking lot) rumbles, and the boss ended up hating me, so she drop kicked me out. I don’t know what point i’m trying to make here?? Oh yeah, she’s a bitch! You could pour a bucket of water over her and she’d melt, come back to life, smack me around the face and fire me all over again!! My work there was done anyway!! hahaha! And i ended up winning that war!!

Anyway, enough!! I feeling sexy, i’m feeling happy, and i’m trying to get Gordon Ramsey to give me a cooking lesson. I might be magnificent with ‘red meat’ in the bedroom, ( and i am, i invented the mexican blowjob- who else has  invented a blow job….exactly,) yet it’s always a bit awkward with the piece that toys with me, ontop of the kitchen counter. It looks at me, and tells me to ‘F*** off!’ I think it sometimes adds, a ‘ You Slag!!.’

Oh the joys of cooking!! Oh wait i have to go, i’m explaining to a friend, why their boyfriend is like a bad pair of shoes!! ( y’know, you keep wearing them even though you know they give you blisters.) EMERGENCY!! They are turning from Superhero to Supernanny!! Not good…ever! The great thing about being a girl, is that we have, or ‘I’ have (haha) Immense power when it comes to the game of love. ‘Ooooh laaaa!’


What i do for fun!! You should try it fellas!! Hamish Boyle took this piccy. ( We praise him.) I was standing in my knickers, and he ‘out of nowhere,’ ran into a back cupboard, produced a bouncy space hopper, and asked if i wanted to bounce on it for fun? GREATNESS!!! We took pictures!! Enjoy !!

Put on those heels my dears!

Hello!! Morning!! I’m in the greatest of moods today, so sit back and enjoy the grand splendour ( did i spell that right??) as i bark on about my wonderful life!! And it is, i feel like a Goddess!! Booyah!!

A good way to start the day, is to have an appointment with a bathtub full of bubbles. I actually got to enjoy a quiet moment (yeah daddy) in a proper bathtub, all on my own….without a aggressive photographer telling me to ‘arch my back a little more’ and blow bubbles, whilst he tries to take a good shot! ( oooh-er.) Ahhh! Bliss!!

I have a coffee in my hand, i have a looong string of McJobbies. I feel lucky, i feel happy, and i wish Kerry Katona, was smarter than she is. Really, you could grab that girls head, and smash it against an elephants butt, and still not knock any sense into her.

I’m getting invited to lots of poshy events, yet i’m not able to go to any of them (typical, how am i ever gonna get famous??) because firstly, ‘Hubby Martinez,’ is sunning it, in LA, (UGH) and i can’t go alone as i’ll look like a right ‘billy no mates.’ OH!! I guess, i put, ‘firstly’ which would mean, there should be a ‘secondly??’ Bollocks!! Yeah, secondly, work is full on???

I can’t write this right now, as there’s coffee to be drunk, and shops to be shopped at. My life is really coming together now. I needed this break in England. Theres no evil distractions!! It’s kinda like therapy, yet without the pervy therapist!! ( long story)

I managed to book a small role in a ‘not so small’ movie. Don’t know how?? But it’s great being me!! hahahahahaha!! All my LA friends, will now hate me. YES!!!! I am greatness!! I seem to stumble into good opportunites. This is why you should always wear heels, they aid stumbling.

The fear bloody factor

A lesson on ‘Fear’ was taught today! I had a great early morning phone convo, with a delightful man, who was wanting to book me for a job. During the phone conversation, (that was a bit too early for my lazy arse,) i spent the majority of the conversation, being scared, and thinking about what ‘others’ would think? I was infact quite pathetic. It was GREAT!! My mother looked at me, shook her head, and said, ‘Don’t NOT do something, just because you’re scared, about the opinions of others. You only DON’T do something, if you really hate it, or if it comes back on me…badly’ (lol..)

So i went outside, fed a horse a carrot, (bizarre i know,) and after a jolly old ‘cigarette of thought’, i made the executive decision, to just  fuck it, (oh wait, not the horse..haha), find my Va voom, and do as many jobs as i possibly can!! I’m doing it and with GREATNESS!!

So this blog, is for anyone who is wanting to do something, it can be anything, yet NOT doing it, due to the thoughts of friends, or negative thoughts of others, or just because people are telling you not to do it…just dust yourself off, put on your best heels, and take the job on with a bloody smile on your face!!! Only you can play you best! Plus,a smile always fools everyone! (evil laugh) God, i’m so ‘inspirational barbie, ‘ today. I love it!!

Anyway, i’m off to ‘Xscape’, to go watch a movie…’Step Up 2′ here i come!! So excited!!

I’ll be much warmer

Long day, even longer night! I’m back on hardcore work mode, and enjoying every second!! I’m a lucky girly! I spent most of the day in Sheffield, spending quality time with the ‘Great Wunna before Me’ (Mummy dearest), and i guess we decided to celebrate the lives we had, by purchasing extra uplift, plunge, ‘looks like you’ve had four boob jobs,’ bras. Hers came in ‘Virginal White.’ ( Hmm..yeah whatever?) Mine, in ‘ Hot Pussy Pink.’ (lol…) Happy Easter Monday honey’s!!! It’s hilarious! When you adorn these such bras, it feels as though you’ve also managed to steal, 20 bags of water, and stuff them into you’re ‘boulder holder.’ You take one step forward, and theres a random, wobbly water sound!! It’s hot!!

Anyway, get this, ‘I’ and in my 5 ft 4” glory, have managed to book, a massive fashion modelling gig. My pictures we’re submitted, with ‘boobs out galore,’ (it’s all i had,) with a note that says, ‘She does fashion.’ My message back was, ‘Good times, you booked it.’ Apparently, one Glamour photog, i had worked with, gave GREAT ‘Shake it baby,’ feedback, on my skills, and i have 12 fashion outfits, a massive shoot for worldwide publication, and a GIANT smile on my facey!! ( cha-ching.) I’m SO excited as i’m not use to doing a shoot with actual clothes on. Yipee! (I’m sure it will be much warmer.) I’m still in shock, but sooooo happy!! They’re even having a posing coach, there to help me, if i get nervous and bollocks it up! (Which i won’t, i never balls anything, apart from my personal life.)

Can you believe it?? I feel lucky, hopefully some of my luck will rub off on you!! ( But probably not, i’m selfish…it’s ALL MINE.)

Kissy kissy face, my Darlings! I love you!!

Ex’es, Exes.. Never touch..

Morning Chickadees!! I’m feeling magnificent, in bloom, and full of life , after a late-ish night, (which is somewhat surprising,) and whilst some folks are an Easter church going, others like ‘moi’ are having to go through a messy pile of emails, messages, more emails, more messages, from my wonderful dull land fill of , yes, ‘The Ex’es!!’

I don’t know what it is, but around the holiday times, or times of special ‘ to be remembered’ dates, ‘The Ex’es,’ will reapproach the ‘Wunna’, threefold. All you have to do, is bang up a couple of naked pictures, and get a successful career going, then out of the woodwork they come a crawling, with what they call, ‘happy memories,’ and the greatest stalking equipment known to man!! I’m usually quite good to my exes, yet now i feel that’s there’s so many of them, that i could have a ‘date to remember,’ every bloody day of the year and then it seems, each one of them believe they’re the one i really had a connection with, or something like that??? Today, I had one girl, tell me that she knew, ‘*random boy*’ i once dated. I smiled, i nodded, and mentally thumbed through my mental black book, of ‘people i should never have met.'(lol…)  Seriously, i get the messages from the ‘Exes, followed by the Exes friends, followed by the Exes current girlfriends, followed by girls they use to date, followed by messages from their dad wanting to hook up!! It’s difficult being me!! (hahaha) Definitely not the perks of the job!! The free dinners and booze is!! Bottom line, i never re-date an Ex, and it’s not because i’m a bitch, it’s just because i’m more of an adventure, and less of a ‘whiney about the past’ kind of girly!! Why cry over one ‘penis,’ that was a twat to you, when there’s millions of new ones waiting to play, right?? (hahahahaha) Ofcourse, as of right now, i have a delightful ‘Latin lover.’ But on the whole, i’ve learnt the hard way with boys! And not the good kind of ‘hard.’

Anyway, whocares about all that shit the first time someone ever had sexytime, the ‘ooh laa,’ the McBonky Jones… was apparently, 570 million years ago, and it was attached to a 12 incher. What happened to penis size??? Thats my bit of ‘Happy Easter’ knowledge!!

Erm…where did the snow go Flo???

So ofcourse, i put on my winter woolies, my giant fur boots, a hat, gloves, and baby pink scarf. I saunter outside, SO excited because i’m about to make, ‘Bob the Dodgey Snowman.’ I open the doorway, to dodgey snowman making delight, only to find that ALL the snow has disappeared??? GONE!! It’s now the sunniest day in all the land, without a single trace of snowage. The bloody skies are baby blue, the grass in the greenest i’ve ever seen it, and the sun is blinding me. More importantly, i looked like a complete IDIOT. A mental case!! God knows what the neighbours  must of thought?? ( well we don’t have neighbours, just a massive white horse.) Now it’s sunbathing  (well not quite) weather…..so i’m going to fake tan, i guess?? This is Stupid!! Or simply I’m stupid???

It must have taken me a lot longer than i thought, doing my hair, face, and picking out a ‘building a snowman today,’ outfit. So bloody long that the weather turns into a whole new day!! The Good lord is fucking with me!!

Bob the dodgey Snowman

Hello my Pretties, i’ve just woken up, and outside the land is laiden with the most delicious amount of snow. It’s thick, it’s fluffy, it’s white, which means, (Oh yes siree,) that this little Princess is a snowman making today!!! I would’ve been able to film it for you, if my brother hadn’t wasted all the precious film on images of him being wasted. Three Cheers!!

So yes, i’m gonna strip down, build a snowman, name him, ‘ Dodgey Bob,’ and now, not be able to show any of you, any of it, as all the film now has ‘Drunk brother Wunna,’ shit faced, and with ‘wearing no clothes,’ 15 year olds, gyrating to ‘Don’t cha.’ (sad face) Yet, i’m still gonna have fun, maybe take a few pictures, but probably not ( i’m really shite at remembering to take pictures, as i’m so use to having my picture taken.) I don’t even have a camera, so i don’t know what i’m talking about, when i say…’take a few pictures,’ (hahaha) i guess i meant mentally?

Happy Easter boys n girls, and remember… Jesus died to give us chocolate eggs!! ( quote by Waz) Thank the Lord!!

It’s snowing

It is currently snowing so hard right now and i love it!! I always thought snowflakes were meant to be tiny, however these ones, (that i’ve just been running around in naked, in badsworth,) are giant sized!! They’re like the size of MASSIVE cobwebs or chunks of candy floss. I love it, i love it, i love it!! It’s been so long since i’ve been in proper THICK snow. It’s Greatness!! All i need now, is turkish delight and an Ice Queen, and it’s SO ‘Chronicles of Narnia,’ ( if you don’t know what that is…it’s not my fault you didn’t go to school.) The seasons are so WAY behind this year.

Anyway, as all glamour pusses do, i shopped (again) today, and managed to actually have a GREAT time. Infact, this lady stopped me mid- buying my brother an army jumper, and said, ‘It’s Christina, right?’ After, i did my whole nod, nod, smile number, she then went on to tell me that i had inspired her little daughter to dance and that she is a big fan. Aww…how sweet. I use to dance a lot competitvely, and i use to win a lot, due to my competitive-ness (can’t spell), so it was just good to know that lots of little girls adored me, as ADORATION is something i too have a darling relationship with.

Speaking of little kids, my agent, is trying to make me audition for a pop group/tv show…which all sounds dandy etc…yet my audience is apparently for children in pre-school. Isn’t that a nightmare waiting to bite me in the arse later, when i make a 4 year old burst into tears, because she’s seen me ‘nips out, naked’, straddling a stool, in a barnyard??? Ah well whatever will be, will be??

As i’m writing this, i’m also being IM-ed by ‘Good model friend whore,’ and having a conversation about how, dating black thug-like men, is SO tired. It’s done!! Plus, i only like the P.Diddy, and Pharell type, thug and not the ‘flava flav’ or any other really killed people outside a ‘7-Eleven,’ type thug. Infact, i’m just not attracted to thugs at ALL, it  doesn’t seem to mess well with my ‘ooh laa,’ unless they are gentlemanly…i guess??

You know what?? I actually feel so bad for any of those girls, fighting to win the love of ‘Flava Flav..’on his show..  I mean he’s entertaining, yet.. come on girls, he’s no real ‘Prize.’  (hahahaha) I’d rather fight over a bucket of lard and a sandwich.

Anyway, i’ve got to go, as i’ve got lots of worky to be getting up too.

Love ya!!