Paddling pools, Auditions & Heartbreak…

I’m over the moon. Life is just a miracle. But I’ve obviously been distracted by wonderful weather, good times, a missing Junior, my awkward expanding waistline and the basic delicious wonders of life. 

I’ve noticed that if I’m feeling emotionally uncomfortable about something in my life…I can’t blog. I can’t blog at all??? I withdraw!!! It used to be the other way round. I needed to blog to release the stress! I used it as an ‘empty.’ (We all know how that feels. ;)) Then I’d be much better & have a pina colada. I’d have five! Tally ho! I’d have six! 

However as my life changed…and Wunna Land started creeping up the success ladder A LITTLE bit more..and I began to creep myself OUT emotionally, a little bit more. (Now that I’m old, ‘changes’ seem to terrify me. I’m not as ‘Slick Rick’ with them as I used to be. I’m fine once they’ve happened and the glitter has settled. However, at first, I like to panic. QUIETLY though.)

Ruby, Junior & I enjoyed the 34 degree heatwave, in our paddling pooled garden. I cancelled all work on those 3 days, to just be with them. We lived it in for 3 whole days. I made a rubbish BBQ on a disposable thing because they demanded that such a task should occur…

‘Kids! This is not okay. I’ve never bbq’d in my life!! This is so hillbilly.’ 

‘It’s wonderful mum!!!’ 

 No-one could eat the sausages because I burnt them so ‘wonderfully.’ We tried to feed them to my little Burmese Dad…who came to sunbathe in all his clothes. (He’s not like Mum, who’d just tell us to ‘GET LOST.’ He’d try to be calm, loving and supportive…over the fact that I’d burnt all his lunch. Hahaha.) 

I was left in charge of the WHOLE of Wunna Land…because my Mum had vanished off to Optical Express for 3 days for laser eye surgery. She took my brother. All I had to do was feed & nurture my Father. 

We lived off toasted marshmallows for a good few hours…until the sun went in. It was actually bliss. 

(I even did an emergency acting audition, on tape, straight out the paddling pool. I didn’t get it. I knew I wouldn’t. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind for intense emotion. I had a neon pink octopus attached to my bikini and inflatable stars around my ankles. Haha.) 

I learnt to always be on the ball. I could get called at any second. I need to be ready…and not in a paddling pool, dancing to 90’s pop tunes with a Michelob light in my hand. 

Ages ago…when I booked Ann Summers…Nicki the Queen of organising AS talent, called me… 

Nicki: ‘Hey! Where are you?’ 

Me: ‘I’m in a hot tub.’

Nicki: ‘Who with? Do you have pants on?’ 

Me: ‘Yeah.’ 

(I actually didn’t. Don’t know how she was so psychic? I even told the other human to put their swimmers back ON, simply because it was rude for me to talk to Nicki on the phone whilst they were undressed. Haha.) 

Nicki: ‘I need you to be at Ann Summers tomorrow for filming. I need to book your travel. Where are you?’

Me: ‘I’m on holiday… in a forest. The cabin.’ 

Nicki: ‘Send me the address. I don’t care if your driven, trained or flown. I need to get you here, for the day…for work…by 9am tomorrow.’

This always happens to me. I never turn down good work or an opportunity. I’m not in a position to. So I’m always then left in a really lovely position, where I have to tell the human and/or humans I’m chilling with, that I have to leave, cancel or disappear for 24hrs…literally from that precise moment onwards. 

That’s why I prefer it to be family, good friends or other peeps in entertainment, because they’ll forgive me & get it, without me having to feel bad. 

Anyway, I enjoyed the sunshine. I’m working hard. I’m influencing quite a lot. I went to acting class at YAFTA. We’ve broken up now for Summer until Sept. I thought no-one would show up because it was the ‘hottest day on record’ for Britain. Nearly everyone did. It showed me how dedicated everyone is to the things that make them happy.

I was early. But I’m early to everything. Everyone made it though. Even newbies. I mean, maybe they got there with one minute to spare, a little more tanned than usual, after a sunshine wine and like they’ve suddenly shocked themselves away from garden sunbathing because ‘shit, we have acting class.’ But they got there and the people who got there are my kinda peeps. Innit. Haha. 

‘Honestly, if no-one shows up…I’m gonna be well annoyed because I could’ve had evening cocktails in my garden!! If I’M here, then everyone should be!!!? Haha.’  

Anyway…. The babies & I have literally done everything. Lunched, played, adventured, worked, filmed, loved and lived. I can’t even tell you all the things we’ve done. There’s been that much. Plus, we’re settled now, ready for ‘Welcome to Wunna Land.’ 

Y’know Ruby has been pestering me like CRAZY because she wants to start a YouTube channel. I’ve said ‘no’ for YEARS and she’s hated me for it. 

I let her start an Instagram last year, provided I ran it and she shared it with her brother, because she begged me so much and performed well in school. 

Ruby: ‘Insta’s fun, Mum. But it’s just pictures and they’re easy. I want to do videos more.’ 

(She wants to feel challenged.) 

I said ‘no.’ You need to build a following…a reach. You don’t have that yet. 

Ruby: ‘But we have you… You don’t even use your YouTube and you have people subscribed.’ 

Me: ‘Only 900.’

I stopped posting things on YouTube because I never used it properly like a channel. I just posted 10 second clips of bits & bobs. I did try once. But I had too much on my plate & I can’t edit videos etc. 

Infact, I had used my YouTube  so little, that I couldn’t even remember the email account that I’d registered with it.

So I checked last night. Had a little look. A play. Found the registered email address. Read through old emails. Just over 14,000 people had subscribed. I read my email telling me that I had reach my 10,000 subscription rate. The last one I had read ages ago, was my 1,000 subscriber thing. 

I never use my YouTube correctly so I kinda felt bad that so many people had subscribed and I’d done a mixture of nothing or rubbish stuff…when I actually love shooting video! 

Then I saw the email where my video monetisation had been disabled because I didn’t update something on my Adsense account or I hadn’t posted in a while so they closed it. 

Sooooo, I went through the procedure to relink my AdSense account (which you do need to be able to be paid) it takes 48hrs. I’d already qualified for the payment scheme thing. There’s a requirement before you earn. I think you need at least 1000 subscribers and a certain amount of watch time to the channel. 

And well, if that comes back smoothly (it may not…if I haven’t used it in ages, they could ‘no no’ me.) But if it’s a ‘yes,’ then I’ve agreed after watching things like ‘The Norris Nuts,’ and ‘Morgz.’ It’s All family, silly and fun. Anyway, I’ve told her that WE as a family can start vlogging on da tube. 

If it’s a YES. (I’m only doing it, if I get paid. Haha. It’s not a joy for me. But I’ll help them all the way. The kids want to do it regardless, for kicks.) 

However, weirdly, whenever I tell anyone that she wants to start YouTubing…she gets embarrassed and starts crying, whilst saying, ‘I don’t!!! I don’t!!’ 

Hmmm…? So that makes me feel like she’s not confident enough to do it yet. She’s still trying to act ‘cool.’ 

Me: ‘If you can’t admit to wanting to do it in public, you’re not ready yet. It’s not about trying to look cool or thinking about a watch count. It’s about doing something you enjoy? Plus, you’re making me look silly, by begging me to say yes, but telling everyone else no!’

Ruby: ‘I want to do it…I don’t want everyone to ask me about it though!!!!!’ 

Me: ‘….you have 4 MILLION views on a video of you being BORN…If you’re gonna do it, do know that everyone will be talking to you about it? You need to be 100% ready, before you start jumping in.’

Junior: ‘I’ll do it. I love it. I’ll dance like this…’ 

Waitress: ‘I have a rare steak, with peppercorn sauce and….’


Welcome to Wunna Land! 

(Then Junior went away for 6 sleeps…and a crazy feeling of loss filled our entire glittery world.)

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