ILL! Not only have i had to leave work early AGAIN, to go see a nurse, about my new found over-active thyroid. Yet NO over-active thyroid wonders were tended to and instead i was treated to ANOTHER FRICKING needle! OMFG! I am soooo unbelievably OVER surprise ‘pin pricking.’ I feel like a Burmese VooDoo doll. People must just sight me from a far, decide i’m ill for me and then to get me back for being a floozy, surprise jab me with sharp things!!
I wondered into her little surgical room, once my name was called…which kinda made me feel good because i had a waiting room of eyes glaring at Me. I’m always noisy in waiting rooms because to this day, i have NO IDEA why people all of sudden notch down to ‘Volume 2’ when others, who you may not know, are made to wait for moments of their life also, in the same small space as you? Today i talked Bentley’s. I was weighed and politely bantered with. THEN out of nowhere came the ‘Oh Chrissie, you should probably have your swine flu injection, otherwise you and your baby may die and pregnant women are highly prone to getting such a illness.’ packaging.**Grabs needle-unpeels the sterile packaging!’
Before i even had time to reply (and i didn’t AT ALL want a swine flu injection, due to my intense FEAR of needle pricking,) she had already managed to push up my cardigan sleeve and JAB me, rather painfully in my left upper arm! OUCH!! (You whore!) You can’t jab me without my kitty cat permission! WTF! Then she gave me one of those *smiles.*One of those i’m about to really hurt you, nursey smiles. Luckily she didn’t cause me much more harm, due to the fact that i gave her a glare that pretty much made her soul dissolve into an evil, gooey mush of worthlessness. Yet she did go on to say, ‘Now that you’ve had the injection, you’ll probably feel fluey, ill, achey, dizzy, a wee bit of nausea, tired, in pain and full of the snuffles! Oh and you’re arm will go dead. K’thanx. I’ll see you next time.’
WTF!!!! I was shuffled out of there faster than a midget’s congo line, dumped into the ‘Oooh can we get a Nissan GTR’ loving arms of my ‘Handsome,’ who was booking appointments for his ears and talking to middle aged women who fancy racecar drivers. Then made to book another appointment with the midwife AND Doctor, in order to get my baby AND my over-active thyroid sorted out..NEXT time! (This may sound bad, but I am quite pleased about the whole over-active thyroid thingy-me-bob. I went into work this morning, all ‘i have a disease,’ and the first thing everyone said was ‘is that the thing where you put on lots of weight or lose it?? Google it NOW!’ I frantically Googled and HURRAH…i will now have an insanely high metabolic rate, which will pretty much help me lose my ‘after bambino’ podge at the speed of light! YIPPEEE! Yay, to gland swellings!) I think i jumped and yelped with GLEE in my upstairs office, then got told i looked like a ‘whorey blowfish with tits’ downstairs at reception, by a muscley man named Neil. I might not need Miss.Geldof to help me now that i have over-active things on my throat.
Anyway, long story short. I finished work early. I got stuck in a powercut, in a small navy looking room. I totally won our ‘in work’ lottery Bonus Ball marlarky. Well done Me! Hand me my trophies. I’ve ever so humble. ‘Matt’ (who’s turning from ‘Party Boy’ to ripped Californian stud muffin in the next 3 months, sauntered in, with his beanie, sat on the coffe table and told me of my winnings! A decent person would have calmly and rather gratefully uttered the quiet words ‘Oh..great!‘ I shouted ‘FUUUCCCK YEAH!!! I WON! IN YOUR FACE!!’ I picked the number 33. Not only did it come out, but i also actually won £33. How spooky! I’m actually LOVING work right now. Therefore having to leave early for needles to be jabbed into my left arm by not even hot ‘Carry on film’ nurses in garters, makes me want to weep!
Now, i’ve had my swine flu jab, i feel dizzy, ill, achey, snuffley, tired and sick. I can no longer see, move my arm, operate my legs and my belly hurts. My brain refuses to function. I’m swollen in all the wrong places. My nose feels odd, my face has gone numb and i actually feel like i have swine flu. 🙂 THAT illness preventing BITCH! It properly hurt me too. I mean, she definitely got me with a sneaky little ‘Awoogaa.’ I made Pete make me dinner and buy me sweets to make me feel better. I don’t. I feel AWFUL. I couldn’t even go back into work…and that’s NOT like me. The Ben & Jerry’s didn’t even make me crack a smile. My mouth has now gone numb. Lovely.
Not only that, but i bantered with my literary agent today, who’s got Me an audition for a film. I’m been talking to the lovelies at the BBC, who have booked Pete & I for an interview that we go to in London next Thursday. I’ve had my *bump* felt up repeatedly by my work colleagues. (I love it when they get all excited. I’ve had Lucy, Ross AND Matt..who called my ‘Bump’ a ‘bitch’ have a bit of a feely wheely.) Then i tottered off into the distant sunshine, Julien MacDonald handbag at the ready and crystalized in black Blackberry, on my right. My little Bambino recieved her first ever baby pink accessories today, from Karan. (A wonderful lady who i work alongside.) I’m am now a proud Mummy who WILL get to accessorize her little girl in a white headband with a giant pink bow, with matching booties. There is a God!
For some reason i need to go and do * Preggo trumps?* Work tomorrow. Oh and i’ve just got off the phone to Andrea at the BBC who asked me a few questions about my relationship with Pete, how we feel about our new arrival and all about our love. Aww! I did the whole prep, whilst laid in bed, eating ice-cream. I was gonna get a ‘feel better’ pedicure. But now i can’t be arsed to walk, since my legs don’t work. The Kitten has pissed all over my comfy pyjamas and i’m telling Pete off for swaering at pretend Army men. (I’ve just gotten really dehydrated? This swine flu jab has made me feel all ‘druggy.’ My system has been all pure for ages, due to pregnancy. Not even a drip drop of rum has entered my body. Today, i got injected with the piggy flu. Hardly Glamourous. Well done Pete & I for getting that interview. I have my friend Nicola to thank for that. Loving it!!!) Did i really talk about 4 year olds with boners today and did Neil really tell me that his willy did a ‘sick?’ 🙂
8 months Preggo! Not long to go now Pussy cats! *Excited face* (Totally went to my Mum’s birthday dinner last night and forgot to say! Love it. My baby loves chicken. Didn’t karate my insides at all last night.)