Ouchie much Dollies

Good morning, my giant hugs of ‘hubba-hubba!’ I’ve AGAIN, not managed to get any sleep due to a dodgy tummy ache. We’ve now found out that i have swollen bowels (sexy i know.) But yeah, i laid there all night, in the dark, glaring at the ceiling with baby Ruby by my right fast asleep. I was all *ouchy* and feeling quite quite sorry for myself, topless, in a diamante necklace, leopard print pants from Matalan ๐Ÿ™‚ and in knee high socks. The pain was sooo bad, it felt like early labour ‘ouchies.’ Therefore i reached for the painkillers, cuddled baby Ruby and hoped that the pain would pretty much go the hell away much! I HATE being ILL. It’s like ya body doesn’t want to play along to the merry tune of your life and instead wants to conk out and have a bit of a sit down. I’ve been on total ‘burnout’ right now, therefore like all pains, i’m gonna ram an imaginary label of ‘it’s all down to stress,’ on it and ‘front’ like i’m fine. (I’ve worked the entire time i’ve been ill and yeah, there’s only so many fake smiles and hair-tosses you can perfom when you have swelly, glitzy bowels.)

Okay, on the love front. Keiran totally made it all up to me, by asking me to get a taxi to his after work. (He had spent the evening before getting..well ‘fucked’ i believe is the appropriate word and well because in my mind that’s what he does when he’s stressed.)

Anyway, i got to his (loved my taxi driver and only because he actually had ME as his phone screen saver…notice how i got that in ๐Ÿ˜‰ ) and well when i walked into his house, with what felt like every bag in the history of the world, he was half dangled across the top of his stairway banister telling me to ‘take my coat off’ and come upstairs. I have no idea what he’s up too, but hoping his way of making it up to me, wasn’t going to be the art of giving me his body. Lol. men do that EVERY time. I don’t mind a bit of ‘Team Keiran’..we have an awesome sex life…especially now. But yeah, when ‘sorries; are involved..it takes a little (a lot) more.

Anyway, he had run me a steamy hot bubble bath. The bathroom, (his is dark wood and white) was all dim but candlelit with cozy but tiny orange glows. He handed me over a wine and totally told me to enjoy myself, as he left to give me a time out. I loved it and well it was more the fact that he went out of his way to try and make me smile. I was laid in the bath, with the wine, with the bubbles, in a dark ornage glow of cozy-cozy…then i got bored and figured, moments like that aren’t ever any good, unless you have company. What i had missed was HIM and not a ‘timeout’…so i made him come up to watch me bath (lol) whilst we had chitetr chatter about people going to jail. ๐Ÿ™‚ Romantic.

Anyway, afterward he helped me out of the bath, towel patted me dry and lead me to the bedroom…(and i again thought this is the part where he attempts to reward me with his body *rolls eyes* lol..but NO..he told me to lay on the bed and he gave me the yummiest back massage EVER, whilst he discussed why we had argued, how he never wanted it to happen again and we ironed out the kinks verbally over love. I had a beautiful time and well the rest of the evening cuddling, loving each other, wishing the negative would stay out of our relationship, reforming our bond and then having the dirtiest sex EVER. OMG! If we were taking it up a notch before, we’re not totally turning up the heat. I like it mucho much. But ofcourse that part is our time and therefore our little secret. We have amazing bedroom time. It’s on another level completely. We’re a very lucky couple.

The daytime of that day had been quite shit really. I needed the evening in order to make it magical. Infact, i tell a lie, the only good thing about the daytime of that day was my friend Kelly and I talking about emotions and the art of expressing them. I’m either highly expressive or completely guarded. I’m never inbetween, but quite truely BOTH. Like i’m confident, brave, but shy and mildly insecure at times. A bit of everything innt. Which i adore. It keeps me real.

Anyway, Kelly (who is the genius who found me the ‘Toyboy’ warehouse online) told me that she always and quite randomly gets emotional in the bath..(as in when she sexy bathes with her beau Phil.) I don’t know why i found it hilarious but i did. The way my darling kelly explained it was like this ‘Y’see, it’s like a water and Me thing! It must be. I mean LORD HELP me at a pool party.’ LMFAO. I adore her.

THEN she topped off her greatness, by telling me about how she managed to commit to a ‘Fireman Fling’ before she turned 30. I mean, how jealous am I. I haven’t had a flin in forever. I keep accidentally being wildly commited to men. But saying that, i was a beautiful whore of a flooze, in Hollywood. But still….NO FIREMAN FLING and OMG I HAVE FLUNG. How did she managed to ‘one up’ me?? I love it. I mean, i’ve fucking FLUNG. Be they rich men, poor men, hot men, ugly men, old men, young men, gay men, straight men, women, twins…YOU NAME IT, i’ve flinged with it. But NEVER EVER A FLIPPING FIREMAN!!! WTF! Infact, she didn’t have to tell me too much about the glory. Her eyes told the story for her and they told the story perfectly. I actually don’t think i could handle a fireman fling now i’m old. I sat next to her at a desk, stating that i managed to get myself engaged and committed…which would make me a poor excuse for a whore really. (Whilst all this was happening my little Baby Ruby, who i adore more than ever, was sat at nursery with 4 other babies in a dim light, lit my carved pumpkin candles, eating cottage pie and giggling. Pete was somewhere in a village stressing out about life. Keiran [my hubby to be] was now happy we were back to ‘fairytale’ but knackered from his previous evening of ‘party-party’ and I was happy that i had finally conquered life. I’m gonna do the best i can at it.)

Yesterday, i failed at doing the best i can at it. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know whether it was work, or me being ill, or a lack of sleep, missing Ruby, or Keiran, or being hungry, but i threw a wobbly and a half. Holy crap, did i throw one. I was GIANT FUCKIN bitch, hanging up on people, yelling down phones, feeling trapped and wanting to feel the air on my face.

After 6 hours of this wonderful behaviour and a few moans from my mum and Pete (who are fighting) later…i felt better. Happy. Infact Keiran took me out to dinner in order to put a smile on my miserable mug and it did. We’re in love and well i want us to be as happy. We have sooo many people involved in our little shindig, that it’s now getting rather annoying. But whatever, at least we have love and at the end of the day that is what will keep our bond endless.

Anyway, away from all that, i’m completely burnt out. I have swollen bowels, i’m juggling a day job, i’m being a mum, dealing with Pete, trying ot be the perfect daughter, trying to invest time in my love life, balancing my book and the showbizzy stuff, along with life and for the first time, in a long time..and mainly because i feel ill, i’m quite quite stressed, i need more ME TIME. I need a pamper, a chillax and a whole lot of ‘ooh laa.’

Therefore i’ve done what any decent human being would have done at a time like this and booked a spray tan. As surely being a few shades more orange will make the day run a bit more smoothly.

Missing Rubes, loving life, just bought pants, need to get better bowels!

 

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