Currently experiencing a delicious flashback of Jonny and I finding a dusty BIG BLACK DILDO laid on the side of a pavement the other afternoon, all lonely and abandoned during a walk to Kentish Town Police station. I don’t want you to get the wrong impression, like we weren’t rummaging through the streets hunting for a big black used dildo..it kind of sort of found us! I love where we live! In other towns people throw trash, hate and clutter out the window. In Camden people throw lives, love and dildos out instead. We were going to the Police station so Jonny (@jonathanctaylor) could fill out forms, before we lunched by the lock. People keep commiting to pinching our wallets from us, (which is code for, ‘we just get drunk & leave them places.’) Every week we’re ordering new cards! I need to learn how to not leave my purse on club floors. To be honest i guess it’s the next thing in line. I mean i left my dignity, virginity and innocence there..why not unload the old wallet to a floor of party & disgust. Anyway, we had a lovely walk, through Camden/Kentish Town (it’s weird because i’m not really a Camden girl, but it’s really peaceful to me…Everything you need is within a 5 minute walk. Food, shopping, life, love. I’d never have to leave. Plus, it’s away from a mad Oxford Circus bustle. If you’re going mildly insane, you can stop grab a glass of wine, and sit in a park/by the canal/or on a cobbled stairway with a loved one and chillax. It’s lovely! And i totally want to live on the street that is one long ‘woooo’ of rainbow coloured pastel homes! I want a lemon one!!!!) I LOVE that street.
Anyway before i get showered, (I’m currently covered in kittens and having to get ready for a Family dinner.) The other night, i went on the razzle dazzle with Jay- ‘from sclub juniors’ & Jonny (who i really should be calling Boyband Jonny.) I really get on with Jay, i find him hilarious and Boyband Jonny and I…you all already know the history.
Okay so we ventured into Central. Boyband Jonny and I took the bus in…the tube drives me insane now and instead of protecting me from little gangsta boys, Jonny notices they fancy me ( they did the boy ‘growling’ at me….oh the joys of being a Glamour pussy) and well he places me RIGHT infront of them on display, and begins to get his banter on. They were cute…haha…all gangsta, i will shoot you, and ‘ra ra brap’ it. lol. Very young. Thought they were naughty. Liked the Kitty Queen of Greatness (ME) and infact, quite liked Jonny. It was weird as, there was about 5 of them. All of which were aged around the 19-21 year old bracket. (*rolls eyes.*) They were drinking Coronas on the bus, and telling me that it didn’t mean matter that he was only a ‘young boy, because he had big tings going on downstairs.’ Aww…haha…cute. Then one of them kept going on about how many girls he banged…which with all 20 year olds, you know whatever number they say…you minus half of it, then half of it again. To be honest, they were the same age as my Boyband Jonny. But Jonny just came across as older.
Anyhow, we meet Jay in central. He was waiting outside ‘WE WILL ROCK YOU.’ I actually made a great joke about that little incident, however i don’t believe i’m allowed to say it. But it had something to do with exes, stalking and wanking whilst crying ‘What went wrong!!’ LMAO! We walk into soho…hit Pre Bar, and well from then on, the night begins.
Lots of drinking, love, fun and attention whoring. Now we all get on great. We have the same sense of humour. But we all like attention. Jonny being the one who wants to grab it all if possible. We got very wasted, very fast. The boys bought me my drinks, which i don’t like, but i couldnt really help. I like to buy the drinks, it makes me feel in charge. We we’re having an amazing time. We flaunt off under the midnight stars to G-A-Y and then we decide to verbally abuse each other. Not sure what happened, but I noticed Jonny and Jay perching on the edge of the dancing platform, with pitchers on their knees, doing drunk sways. Well Jonny was! They then started verbally abusing each other and storming off on one another, which i find highly amusing. Jonny thought we were all ignoring him. (HAHA…he was so adorable. lol. All huffy puffy.) Jay decides to make out with a HOT blond that i (might i add) set him up with. Loved it!!! I was being bamboozled by an aggressive dancer who was gay, but kept telling me he was straight? Infact, a lot of boys kept doing that to me all night. Drunkness confuses me. I gaydar is rubbish.
Anyway, time passes and i looked around only to notice Jonny has done a runner somewhere with his little skinny legs on a hunt for attention. I make sure Jay is all dandy and i go to find Taylor, who i know will be in trouble somewhere. I found him, all drunk at the back of the bar, in a BUNDLE of Trannies. HAHAHA. (Anything for a bit of ‘Look at me.’) I firstly pissed myself, then saved him. Only to have one of the tranny bitches yell at me. But fuck her. I’m a REAL LIFE girl. MMmmkayy! Jay finally came a running and well we trundle off to Heaven.
One of the boys was chasing a boy, the other was grumpy…it was hilarious. I was like a drunken slag of a Mother. Heaven i can’t at all remember. I went in every room and danced around. I had to babysit Boyband Jonny, because he wanted attention. Anyway, we end up in the Departure lounge, HAHA…i forgot about this, just sitting watching steps perfom ‘I know him so well’ and welling up to it and going on about how musical theatre always makes us cry. A guy called ‘Daniel’ who claims he’s seen me out every night, bought me beer. I swigged it like i was Captain Jack sparrow. I love Daniel, but it’s odd to me how he enjoys Jonny verbally abusing him.
Nights over. We get thrown out. Everyone goes to MacDonalds. Jay’s in line, with his ‘catch of the night.’ I’m being cutsie to everyone, Jay is completely content with life, Jonny hates everything at this point. Everyone eats their Mac Attacks and then i don’t know what happened but Me, Jay and Jonny end up in the street at Leicester square, all riping the piss out of each other, HITTING each other and yelling at one another in a highly abusive fashion.. We we’re going to TOWN on each other…I loved it. I’m being Mother hen. Jonny and Jay are wrestling on the pavement. I’m swearing and getting shoved and threatening to smash them in their faces with my zebra print clutch. I swear i couldn’t have 2 boys for kids. I want girls!
Then we all laugh, make up and take public transport home after calling each other twats. Jay got a cab all the way back to Essex. LOL. Jonny fought loudly on the bus all the way home. I think i was calling him racist and he was telling me he didn’t care that i was going back up north….coz he wouldn’t miss me. Hahaha. I love drunk bickering with Jay and Jonny. Everyone around us gets terrified. It’s hilarious. The boys crack me up. Cute little bastards.
Fuck i’ve got to get ready for dinner….