Okay so i worked super hard (oh-er) today. I spent the first half of my morning naked and being photographed by a semi odd man, infront of a fire place naked on a white rug, followed bya bed with a boa, a book shelf and then a…(wait for it…) a BARN!!! How many more times can i get shot in a barn, with my ‘namby pambies’ out!!! I loved it, but it was kind of ‘before i’m awake’ early, and off putting simply because i had to pout and pose naked, to the soothing sounds of Gareth Gates!! (Haha, i’m not hating lover.) Yet really i can’t be all vixen sexy, ‘watch me writhe around my rug all seductively Mr. Cameraman,’ when ‘Gates’ followed by ‘A1’ (Just ‘one on one’) are moaning on in the background about their tragic fucking love lives, to dated pop dance beats!! Hush it boyz! As if i can get my kicks to that…you gay love sick bastards! I was being tortured by the devils music…and in Primark panties!!!! I’m meant to be the Ultimate Glamour Puss…not 2 for one knickers!!

Anyway after that i had to hurry my pretty arse onto the next shoot in a mansion, which was long but pretty easy. I’m a good model. Pouting and a posing comes naturally to me…i did it on Pimms (yeah bitch) and sprawled all over bed sheets in mens shirts and floozey knickers, getting the odd whiff of trout every so often in the blistering stained glass heat. It happens! Don’t hate!

I’ve been working non-stop. I mean last night i was in London, so i got knackered really fucking quick. I didn’t show it, because i’m all good and open like that. I just grabbed my cash (wink wink) and strutted down the dirt track home. (Bex from Big Brother has just told me she has swine flu. Only she could get swine flu!! LOL…) I got finger banged a few days ago.

My back hurts, i want a pet sumo wrestler and a very big gin. I have cocktail umbrellas being thrown at me by cunts and i’m being told how much of a childish nuisance my father is…a beer has now been poured down my back..(haha) and animals are scuttling around me. It’s July 4th in LA (well it kinda is everywhere) and i’m missing the Playboy mansion party. I want a massage. I’m tricking people into giving me one…(AND a massage…wink wink.) Oh and i’m missing my baby (as in ‘boy’ and not ‘random screaming child’) soooo very mucho.

Day off tomorrow. Yeah bitches. I LOVE my life. (An old man is now banging his walking stick against my door in anger. I don’t know why he bothers? I mean it’s not as if he can chase me, if i pushed him over, with a martini in my hand and tottered off into the distance. If u need a stick in order to chase, then becareful who you totter fight with.)

11 thoughts on “Oochie-Wally-Wally”

  1. lol Don’t you blame it on the sunshine, don’t blame it on the moonlight, don’t blame it on the goodtime, blame it on the boogie!! woooooooo!!


    I’m that little bit of hope, when my back’s against the ropes, I can feel it, mmmm, I’m the world’s greatest


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