Thoroughly enjoying the term ‘Rotating showgirl.’ It describes me to a
‘T,’ even though i completely just stole it from ‘Dancing on Ice.‘ (Only the best Glamour Pusses take all the credit for the work of others. I do it quite frequently. Then i *wink* and you all forgive me…well something like that anyway?) Loverboy has run off to grab us a curry from ‘ Abduls’ and simply because the sequins and lycra, that ITV have dosed upon us, have gotten the better of our dear sweet natures. I have no idea what I meant by that? Yet again…it works for Me. *Wiggles.* Yay to curry night! We do it every Sunday.
Okay, i’ve spent the entire day with my family, doing last minute baby purchases. After an hour and a half in
‘Mothercare.’..where the customer service is exceptional, might I add! The customer service in the Meadowhall ‘Mama’s & Papa’s’ is extremely shit!!!! They’re like proper chavvy, ‘can’t be arsed to make this experience worth your while whores of orange.‘ I’m the only whore, who’s allowed to be a tinny shade of orange. The only difference is…i’m actually pleasurable. Mothercare…The Doncaster branch, was divine. Every lovely that worked there, made every moment of my breast pad buying experience magical. I loved it. They made both my Mother and I all excited about our next chapter and were nothing but the greatest of help. ( Hang on the curry’s here. I’m gonna have to take a Kitty cat popadom break…)
[A spicy hour later]
Sooo yeah..my day was spent getting all the important things ready for my upcoming bambino. Thanx to my Mother, who seems to not only be the best future Grandmother the world has ever seen, I now really do have everything. Including breast pads..which are what i’m calling ‘preggo nipple tassles.’ (Woohoo…swing’em bitches!) I’ve decided that i’m going to dress my daughter like a bear for pretty much ALL of her infant life. You really can’t help it. During her toddler years, she’ll be rocking her ‘ Spice Girl- slam ya body down’ chic and by the time she’s a teen, she will have totally learnt how a Wunna’s world whirls and i believe the term ‘Mini Me’ will bloom into action…with ‘Purrs.’ (I’ve been really tragic today. I’ve spotted Gucci fur booties, with a matching hat…sprinkled with diamantes and Dollies there is NO WAY in this entire WORLD, that I will NOT be purchasing them for her!!) Now i have everything ready. Only the fun stuff is left to buy and that’s the dignity and the outfits. You’d think with Pete being a boy, he’d be rubbish at all this ‘ dolly‘ marlaky. However luckily dating a flooze like Moi, has truely educated him in my magical world of deliciousness. He’s now worse them I am. Every minute he can get, he’s online picking out appropriate bows for her hair and declining certain shades of pink that he believes just doesn’t make the cut. ( But Chrissie it’s just not right?!’ ) Now, am I the Glamour Puss or is he? Am I the one who knows the shades of pink, or am I the boyfriend who just wears pink because my girlfriend wants me to ‘match..goddamit?’ To be honest, I’m very lucky to have such a wonderful ‘Baby daddy.’ He’s been nothing but the perfect amount of help and held the ‘Daddy of the Universe’ trophy way up high. The only sign above me…is neon…and reads, ‘Add Gin.’ (FYI, The food from ‘ Abduls’ is to die for.)
It’s been great having a family day with The Wunnas today. We’re all excited for the upcoming bambino and we’re all excited for Me getting back to being the legend that is ‘Chrissie Wunna.‘ I’ve been in hibernation for a while and technically, I still am. But when i’m out and about again…you’ll be holding onto your tiaras and watching your walk, as my leopard print *strut* flies by! I can’t wait. Plus, this time i’ll not only be armed with Chanel..but also with a child attached to mychimp breast It’ll be so terrifying, that you will not even DARE to question it. I can’t wait to reach for my tiara again. Have you noticed how much nicer people are when you have diamonds on your head. Kittens, I’ve learnt the Hilton way, then given it my own inappropriate *twist.* Don’t think i haven’t spent the eveing looking at flat tummies and waist lines with excitement. There is nothing more exciting to an 8 month Preggo, (other than having your baby ofcourse 🙂 ) than the sheer thought of having your waist line back. Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! *Totally redoes her lippy-Pout*
Once again, everyone in town gave my *bump* huge amounts of attention. Every store i waddled into, doing one of those royal, but smiley down to earth faces, that i do, ( it’s in order to let you know that i’m a Queen, yet will still have a giggle and wiggle with you if you let me,) had a good old chitter-chatter to my *bumpy.* Infact, looking at my *bump* made the girl who worked at Waterstones decide she never wanted children ever. LOL. I can’t remember the entire conversation because i was blantantly fantasizing about dry shampoo. However,. i do remember laughing a lot and telling her how excited I was for the ‘aww the baby’s here’ part. Yet the *oochie-ouchie* part I could pass on. (‘Oh honey, you don’t have to pretend that the labour is going to be fine for me. I know it won’t. It’s everything repulsive all at the same time… to screaming and sober.’) We burst into laughter, then i waddled to the elevator with my strawberry volvic water.
I’m weirdly noticing that Loverboy is trying to make me be rather active. He’s making me clean parts of the house, have sex and eat really spicy curries. ALL OF THE TIME! He’s dying for this bambino to be ready for the whole ‘Hello World‘ thing. He thinks he’s being sly. But puleeease…i’m waay ahead of him. (Erm..even though i’ve done the cleaning, walked up flights of stairs, refused sex, but had the spicy curry…AGAIN.) I think he just wants me to *pop* her out, so he can have 2 weeks off work. I’M NOT READY!!! I don’t have the correct eyelashes on yet! 🙂 Work tomorrow! I actually can’t wait. (Aww….Pete’s kitten has just learnt to steal. )