God i’ve been shit at writing my blog, but let me tell you, i’ve had the most amazingly drunk two weeks of almost disgustingly disgraceful ‘party party.’ Every morning has been one where i’ve trailed in at 5am, fallen asleep half pyjama’ed/half clothed, maybe with my face still fully on, and well woken up 5 hours later, opened an eye, realized i have room spin, that i’m still awfully drunk (maybe vomitted a little) and well have had to put myself back to sleep in record time, in dying hope that the next time i decided to do the ‘wake up’ thing….i’m sober. It actually works! Try it. It seems you really can sleep anything off. It also seems that partying whilst you’re recovering from the flu, is terrible. But i’ve had the most amazing time, so *hair toss-hip bump* i’m LOVING IT! (My currently back in Yorkshire FINALLY, for a few days to sober up, celebrate my Mums b-day and get some work done. I’ve been shopping in London ALL day and knackered.) I think this blog would also be better, if you actually got trashed before reading it. Therefore you really will FEEL what i went through. You sort of need to truely commit yourself to the Chrissie Wunna bloggage this time round (lol) and well believe me when i say, i was in a hazy, wobbly, glamourous, night time cocktaily mist of ‘ooh laa,’ in heels, eyelashes and boobies, armed with Jonny (@jonathanctaylor) and a sheer bundle of feist. (Actually i was also armed with Jay- ‘from sclub juniors’ last night.. who i can’t help but adore) and well when i’m talking drunky, i’m not talking ‘Oooh we’ve had a white wine spritzer…’ I’m talking ‘Wow did we really just finish 5 Pitchers of cocktails each and want more & did you really just make out with that fugly?’
Basically over the last week and a bit, i’ve spent the majority of my time with Jonny. We’re really good friends, really similiar, good connection and due to the fact that we live streets away from each other, we get to hang out a lot. Which i like. The more you hang with someone, the more you actually KNOW them, and well now, i know him better than i ever have done…and i knew him pretty well before, so it’s a good old time. Plus, we kinda need each other. We both are warm northern spirits, and well if you don’t have a true someone to hang out with, when you are of this sort, then it seems London can be a bit of a lonely place, right? It’s important to feel like you have someone looking out for you.
We’re pretty much, waking up, grabbing lunch together, having a walk around Camden market, having a natter, then going back to our appartments, chillaxing for a bit, (he’ll go to the gym, i’ll be a whore in my mirror to pop music) then as the night sexily calms itself upon us, we’re hitting the town for a delicious time of good fun and drunkardness. Every day. But you have too. I refuse to live my life sat alone at home, twiddling my thumbs to the sorry tune of ‘what might have been.’ There is absolutely nothing wrong with going out and having fun. I have made so many memories in the last week…and at the end of the day, they’ll be all you have. Plus, being out and about a lot, is an AMAZING networking tool. (wink, pout, wink) There is method to the madness. Don’t get it twisted. 😉
Anyway, i’m just gonna skim a few facts, as my jugged cocktails raped me of memory. But just imagine, two happy, lovely drunken beings, merrily staggering about the late night streets of London, living the only life they have and loving every moment of it. We’re both quite naughty and troublesome therefore *sillyness* that we ought to be ashamed of always happens. I’m never ashamed. I don’t believe in it. If i did, i’d be fucked. (HAHa. I’m not the good kind.) But let me tell you, not only did i venture into the downstairs part of Ku bar, where it turns into a club on some nights, looking DIVINE, in my hat, pink and diamonds after shots and Jack Daniels. But some awful Drag Queen was on that night. I mean i don’t mena to be evil, (and we all know i can be) but i know a good Queen, and that Doll seemed to take any melodic tune of ‘ooh-ness’ and turn it into a rather looooong, droaney mess. Even her hair wasn’t draggy enough. My hair ‘out dragged’ her. Anyway, Jonny & I couldn’t take it anymore, and we had met a table of boys, who seemed quite chatty. I strutted off to the toilet, to do a big wee…passed the Drag Queen, thought i was ‘ all that and them some.’ Did a big wee, i think i sang to myself whilst i did it too (haha). I pull the rather heavy door, open. It’s all dark and the ‘Queen’ is still being quite droaney, but for an baby audience now. I’m rolling my eyes…Then i don’t know what the fuck happened, but in true Wunna Fashion, i immediately TRIP OVER MY OWN GODDAMN FEET, and FALL on my FUCKING FACE and in a TOILET FUCKING DOORWAY, like a drunk bimbo’ed trollop. It goes silent. I lift my face up and people (including the Queen) being to applaud. Hahaha! I just kinda sat there kneeling, laughing shamefully at myself. Then i tottered up as fast as i could, to go and report the news to little Jonny with such and eager pride! ‘I fell on my face…’ (He does a good impression of me saying it.)
Not sure whatelse happened, other than dancing and Jonny telling a man to ‘get back in his cupboard where he belonged’…Yet i did end up calling the Drag Queen a ‘slag‘ and quickly leaving. Haha. I’ve noticed that Jonny and I will walk into a bar, they all know us now because we’ve been out everynight. Infact, when they see us cheerfully tottering up, they do ‘faces’ at each other. LOL. But yeah anyway, we go into a bar, drink, dance, have fun, destroy everything, end up fighting with people and leaving to simply do the exact same thing in the next bar. (Except, the drunker HE gets, the slaggier he gets. Therefore we leave a trail of broken hearts behind us as we saunter. I don’t get slaggier. I started off a slag. I end up getting more frigid and angry, as the night goes along. LMAO!) Before the Drag Queen moment, we were in the Black Cap, getting photographed by Lesbians, who adored my boobies & a post man who adores willy. I was their favourite BBF. Then an ‘angry at life’ Irish lady hurled abuse at me and a drunk guy, kept balancing his pint on his head and threatenning to throw it at Jonny. We left!
Lots of fun happened that night, I actually loved it. I’m meeting the most amazing people, from all walks of life, and dandy dilly dallies. We found ourselves in Pre-Bar, (we always do because i guess we’re creatures of habit.) Again met loads of Chrissie Wunna fans. Loved you all. I am infact now only meeting you all when i’m completely pissed up, so i’m a bit worried. But whatever, i’m doing the reputation proud! Woohoo! I’m a loser…an everso glamourmous kitty of loser! *wink.* Then the most randomn man crossed my path at Pre bar, whilst i was out on the smoking patio. He kept demanding to be my slave ( i get a lot of requests for this) and i’m not even kidding. He was begging me, in a creepy fetish kinda way. I mean, i don’t mind…whatever floats your boat really. I’m one to test peoples moral meters. However, It’s funny really because i’ve always wanted a slave…i have. But it seems when i have one…i don’t like it at all and they really piss me off. I just don’t understand how a grown man gets off on ME bossing. I feel bad shouting at him. Yet, he seriously wouldn’t leave unless i yelled at him like he was worthless. I usual enjoy yelling at men. But i feel like he took all the fun out of it of it. I mean, it’s no fun, if they like it? I did keep very nicely telling him i didn’t really think this ‘slave‘ thing was gonna work out, but he wouldn’t go until i said, ‘FUCKING GO HOME…NOW!! I COMMAND YOU TO!’ He loved it and went, after begging me to let him be my slave for enternity. There are more strange people in London town then there is in Hollywood. FACT!
I actually also learnt from the ‘slave’ moment, that i’m quite independant, quite self sufficient. I don’t like people doing things for me, or me having to yell at someone every 3 minutes to do something. Jonny hated my slave but only coz he wanted one and didn’t have one. Don’t get me wrong, I like men to carry my bags and open doors, be romantic etc…but i don’t like them to fuck with my ‘party’ and hover around me waiting for a command. It annoys me terribly and because i want them to LIVE. I mean I’m the Glamour puss that encourages people to HAVE THERE OWN MIND and do what THEY WANT. It goes against my whole purpose!! But whatever i’m lucky. I’m quite flattered. No, very flattered. It’s not every day you have a slave. I made him lift Jonny’s drink (which was a whole pitcher) to his mouth when he needed a sip. It bored us. Infact, Jons quote the next day when we were doing lunch at the Wetherspoons (table 4) by the lock in Camden was ‘I can’t think of anything worse than being bossed around by you all day!!’ I’m not even a bossy boss. I’m more playful, do whatever you want and as long as you’re making me look good, it’s fine! He did then say, ‘in the bedroom the slave thing is okay.’ Erm… i wonder what he gets up to on lonely nights! LOL. I like to be dominant in the bedroom. I wouldn’t mind a guy who was a bedroom slave. Infact, i’d like it. ‘Ooooh laaa.’
Can’t remember what else happened apart from an AMAZING TIME of Ooh laa, clubbing all night, 4am dinners at Balans, with a crowd we had picked up on our way. We do that a lot. I love it. The more the merrier. I also like it because, well if you’ve seen us both out, (and a lot of you have) you’ll notice that Jonny turns EVIL and abusive and well i’m adorably nice, when drunk at 4am. He actually makes me look all sweet and kind. I enjoy that…coz i am, until people fuck with me. Then my feisty knickers go on! *wink, pump*
Now, i think about it, i remember us meeting a latin man, who i MADE come talk to us, simply because he called me ‘Mamacitta.’ (Don’t care if i spelt that wrong.) We all know i Love a latin man and well a delicious latin tongue. I only wanted him to come sit by me, so he could reel out a whole bunch of spanish & i could creme over it and call him ‘Papi’ repeatedly. Jonny and I talked to him for about 30 minutes and i know not one thing about him other than he was Latino, lovely and liked the attention. Don’t we all.
I’ll blog about last night with Jay & Jonny etc tomorrow. I’m up north and tired. Lots of fun, frolocks & fighting occured last night in London and well anytime you lose your friend, but then find them in a bunch of trannies..who want to beat you up…you know you’ve had another GREAT NIGHT! To be continued….