Woke up this morning at 10.15am, after having the most random dreams of going down ski slopes, with some blond chick. Most people dream of riches, or sailors, or even crowds of gays lifting you in the air, whilst cheering and worshipping in an explosion of glitter, cake and madness. Chrissie Wunna dreams of sliding up and down snowy ski slopes!! With a random playboy bunny type blond. Nothing even happened in my dream. I just got carried up, then slid down, and everytime i got to the top, the blond bunny, would wiggle, giggle and aid me to safety, then i’d slide down again. This happened about 45 times!! What does that mean???? To make it even worse, i was actually having the best time ever, in my dream, all smiles, and joy joy, only to wake up at 10.15am, in Yorkshire, dry humping a pillow and in desperate need of a tan. How cold is it here??? I have two halogen Powerglow heaters, facing me right now, whilst i’m writing this. I hate being cold, as it makes me hibernate. Hibernating is bad, as it goes on to make me FAT. It’s a slippery slope!! Maybe that’s what my dream was telling me….i’m going to get fat! Great! Can’t bloody wait!!
Last night, i hardly saw any flipping fireworks. Everyone’s slacking!!! I went on a night-time walk around the village, at 11pm, dressed like a 5 year old, with frilly socks, pig tails, and eyelashes..all pink and white, armed with a crustless smoked salmon sandwich, in order to see fireworks. I only heard the noises. Those baby bomb-like sounds. What’s the point in having fireworks, if there are no FIRE in WORKS??? I looked like a fucking dipstick, running around in the dark, trying to see some sparkly rockets. I’d hear the ‘whizz’ then leg it, hoping to discover an explosion of spitty red, green and orange…but i kept missing them or something??Hilarious!!
I have to go now, as i need a quick cuppa tea. The worst thing about writing my blog, is that i’m surrounded by attention seekers. Everytime i sit down to write it, no-one fucking leaves me alone. They wait until i saunter up to my laptop, they get ready to ask me a million questions….then as i type my first word they decide to TALK MY FLIPPING EAR OFF. Why?? Why?? WHY!!! Write your own blog, this is chrissiewunna.com goddamit!! I am busy!!