Quick blog, whilst i’m fondling kittens, and placing them on my private parts to keep me safe from all the horror and hurt this wee world has to offer. I can only breathe through one nostril, and Celebrity Juice is about to start, so i’m keeping this brief..as i need a bit of a chuckle, that doesn’t taste like Grey Goose before i retreat to my sheets.
I’ve just got off the phone to two of my friends. One in England, the other in LA. I was sitting at the top of the staircase, in my pyjamas with a cuppa tea, nattering away like there was no tomorrow. Okay, so people have seemed to have gotten into the habit of calling me up…talking to me on the phone, then whilst being on the phone to me either Youtubing the BBF show and watching me on it. Or going onto my website and reading my blog. Or mid natter, scrolling through online pictures of me. I think this behaviour is a bit odd really?? Not bad. Just odd? I don’t quite understand it???
I’m quite a stickler for phone etiqutte. Which is bizarre in itself, as i’m not a stickler for much else, but ‘good times and bad choices.’ I once dumped a boy for simply passing the phone around the room, mid conversation…so all of his friends could say ‘Hello,’ to me. I hate phone passers. It’s never really as entertaining for the person on the other end, as it is for you.The same boy also secretly videoed me having sex with him AND made me sit through hours of crap football computery game playing. Yet that nonsense didn’t seem to bother me. But he passed the phone one drunken night and that was it! DONE! OVER!! Look, when i’m on the phone to someone, they have my FULL attention. Like 100% of it. So it’s like a major pet peev of mine for someone to be doing something else when they’re talking to me on the blower…even if it is watching, reading or googling my life. (Which ofcourse i adore you for.) I mean i’m on the other end of the phone to you. You can just believe it or not…ask me things!! (lol) It’s a weird concept i know, but really it works. They don’t even listen to anything i’m saying now. Or even have the decency to pretend to listen!! They simply add in appropriate ‘Hmm…yeahs’ in all the right places and instead are watching my life on Youtube, Via my website or scrolling through half naked pictures of me.
So here’s a heads up! I don’t really need a running commentary of the show, when i’m on the phone to you, because i was kind of THERE, living it, so i know what happens. I’ve seen the episodes. Lets talk about better things like SEX, munchkins and dildos. And even though i adore you reading my blog and all that good stuff…there’s really no need to read it, whilst you’re calling me and tell me what’s on it (lol)…because i kind of WROTE it. (Hang on my cell phones ringing…Ugh, it’s someone i’m trying to politely avoid.) So once again…i KNOW what’s happened to me today. (Please discuss SEX.) And my piccies, well i was probably trashed when i did them, so yeah by all means feel free to describe them to me. I’ll have no idea what you’re on about?? I actually need to start thumbing through those files!! But really can i be bothered? Methinks not!
Other than that, i’m a happy chappy and shall now return to inappropriately touching my domestic pets. I adore you.