Okay, so i’m now that tragic, that I actually find it funny to walk around a family mall of excitement, now in my full
‘Lost baby weight-ish, Glamour Pussy glory,’ whilst waltzing around in a flowy lilac dress, 7 inch heels, far too much lippy and whilst air circling my ever so lovely cleevage, with my index finger, to a distant background bustle of diners and Rihanna songs and teenage looking party goers. I’d only had one rum and was again draped in a brown faux fur. (I prefer a white one.) That isn’t even the tragic part. Whilst I tending to the cleevage air finger circling, I was mouthing the words ‘YOU LOVE IT,’ and because in my world…it’s funny. I couldn’t even seen under my eyelashes and dodgy contact lenses and was on my way to get a taxi home after going to what i’ll call a ‘works do.’ When the most entertaining thing to happen at a ‘works do’ is my post preggo cleevage, rum and a 51 year old drunk lady, in a mini skirt and tight top, falling off her heels, while uttering really drunken, yet humourous complaints…you have problems. However, nonetheless i’m a ‘Flooze’ who will always make the most out of any god given situation. Be it hazy or amazey. I had a good time. Rambled on about how i was sweating like side of pork dumpling. Laughed out loud with the occasional ‘popper inner’ of work colleagues, then went to hail a taxi at 8.15pm. (I actually strutted passed the 51 year old drunk lady during my taxi walk way. She was hysterically crying upon a grey wall of building, whilst drunken cuddling a friend who was telling her that she wasn’t ‘useless.’ Lol. Oh those were the days. I looked, smiled and glided by like a Goddess. I graduated that stage of life. It was kinda like the Dear Lord, plonked that little scenario there infront of me, mid-strut to remind me of my past and how far i’d ventured. 🙂 I say that I ‘glided,’ but I actually looked, giggled then ran madly away because some weirdo was shouting at my boobies and wanting them to love him? I then got overcharged in my taxi. I feel like there’s always a set price and then a ‘Wunna’ price.
Anyway, Loverboy and I are floating along nicely. We made up, yes. However, it seems i’m quite happily hormonal right now and no longer taking any nonsense. I’m a girl that no matter what, will always always reach for the silver lining and rose tinteds, even when I find myself tripping over and landing in a giant trash can. (That did happen and when I resided in London.) Yet in my world, when things need to get sorted (*hair-toss*) they need to get fully sorted and with a calm candid honesty. Therefore merely creaming over ‘Oopsies’ with a bit of utterly butterly or even a dabble of cheap glitter, doesn’t really resolve the good old meaty ‘ouchie.’ We’re really happy and completely in love. We’re living this fairytale, yet currently and accidentally (due to my work schedule, life and our delicious newborn) caught up in this weird ‘limbo’ of emotional ups & downs. It’s not at all bad, because remember I said that we’re happy. Yet we’re learning a lot more about each other now. He’s realizing that i’m maybe not just some 100% ‘happy-go-lucky’ Bimbo of ‘ooh,’ (i’m actually quite a strong minded, dynamic, determined, hardworking…bitch? 🙂 ) And i’m realizing that even though he’s the most adorably loving man you will ever meet, kind, polite and selfless. He’s lost, adorably needy and longs to be guided, loved and to find his life direction. (Which is normal for a 25 year old. I mean at 25 i was trolloping around Hollywood getting into all sorts of high heeled trouble and being a basic slag.) He gets the little things wrong, yet triumphs the ‘big’ things with glory flags. I like him to get the little things right and because i can already handle anything BIG. 😉 We’re going through normal fairytale hiccups. They do have them in fairytales. Yet like all P.C entertainment…they edit the hiccups out. A talent i am yet to master. 🙂 [Add wine here.]
Basically, my current time is pretty much taken. I work an 8hr day, come home and have a few hours allocated to writing my book and the rest of the time goes to being a Mummy. (Which is my favourite part of the day and my life.) For now there’s no ‘Pete time.’ A time that Loverboy deeply treasures, because he loves like i’m his real life Fairytale Princess. The fact that I don’t seem too bothered by the distinct lack of ‘Pete time’ kinda makes my dear old ‘ Handsome‘ feel all sad and unloved. But whatever work, right now.. is important. As is being a Mum. I got to wake up to my delicious bundle of Ruby this morning, without having to quickly and madly rush off to work and it made my world!!! I actually refer to her as my little ‘ooh na-na-what’s ma name’ and well she’s currently laid on my left arm right now, like a kitty cat of baby bear, as I one hand type my life at you. I feel like i’m seductively one handed typing through life right now! It’s drama. I mean, yeah I have a juicy cleevage. Yet behind it is a circus. My only lifeline will end up being rum. I mean I shouted at Loverboy last night for bringing me Peach schnapps, when i asked for a wine. Oopsie! 🙂 He wanted it to be a ‘nice surprise’ for me. Yet i retaliated with a ‘Why would ANYONE bring someone a dodgy Peach schnapps, when they had specifically ask for a WINE!!!’ I HATE Peach schnapps! That’s like YOU asking for anything but potatoes and ME trundling in with a sack of the finest fucking spuds Pete!!!’
I’m candid girly, I’ll always speak my mind and it’s a bit rubbish really. Haha. He actually looked at me with real life tears in his eyes, so I immediately *shocked* myself out of my cocktaily mist of preference and comforted him with sighs and sorries. I keep forgetting how sensitive he is? I mean, i’ve had grown men monkey wrestle me in a moment of anger in a Mexican resturarant and i’ve dusted myself off with a *wink-wink-walk away.* I just didn’t fancy a Peach schnapps and because i’m not sneaking into clubs at 14! I love him, I just need to get this book done. And I don’t NEED to get this book done for a brief, 4 minutes of ‘LOOK AT ME.’ I need to get it done to secure a rather glamour pussy financial future of utter glory. I can change our lives. He just needs to let me and luckily now he will.
Other than all that i feel delicious, sexy and like i’ve started a little showbizzy whirlwind, that will end in a magical tornado. You’ll love it. I promise! Harriet, my good Ponty chick friend has finally had her baby! It actually feels amazing and i’m quite ridiculous proud of her! I mean we’re both now welcoming the world of M.I.L.F. Yet where as i’m armed with a ‘Ruby Isabella.’ Harriet’s armed with a ‘Evangelina Rose.’ Awwwww!!!! They’re a beautiful family and well nothing is more yummy than that! Not even Greek men in speedos, or a Ronaldo ‘look-a-like’ who pretends he really plays football.
I’ve been sending all the wrong texts to all the wrong people. Therefore congratulating people on babies they haven’t even had and comedically abusing the Mother’s of past friends. LOovely! My agent sent me the most encouraging text last night,
‘ I’ve always really believed in you and think you’re gonna be big. I never waste my time and you have TALENT. You’ve done more in your life than people get to achieve in a lifetime and i’m passionate about helping you, because i just KNOW you’ll make it big. You have something special and your book really will sell massively..so focus and get it done because it will be available in bookstores all around the country…and this is whats going to make you those millions! I love you xxxx’
THEN Gay Adam sent me a text reading,
‘ The gym I was gonna join today is currently on fire…like seriously…flames..the lot. I’m choosing to take this as a sign that exercise is bad for me.’
I’m sooooooooooooooo easily distracted. Yet when you’re a floozy with a cocktail, life, a cleevage and adorers…you would be, right? 😉
Tonight I apparently have some secret ‘surprise’ dinner going on or something? My Mum wanted to come and look after Ruby so Pete and I could go on a romantic dinner together to rekindle the passion. I guess she’s nervous that i’m going to pull one of my ‘Runaway Bride’ stunts again. I’ve found out about the dinner…obviously and well i’m deciding whether we need one of those ‘date nights.’ I mean, I thought couples who had been with each other for 40 years and falling apart at the emotional seams had date nights? Aah well…any excuse for a bit of celebrating.