Oh ‘Hi There’ Hormones

Oh heellllooo hormones! I spent the entire last evening tossing and a turning due to my ‘braxton hicks’ contractions, (which pretty much feels like period pains,) creeping up on me, every couple of hours. I then woke up early. Made arrangements to hang out with my Mummy, didn’t quite leave the bed, because Petey slept with his bum out again and i always have to plum squeeze it. Then after a few text messages and a scroll through my Blackberry Torch of Facebook happenings, I rolled out of bed, hair-tossed, realized a bit of my newly extended eyelash had ripped off during my moment of tummy pain, *shrugged* and then tottered out of the bedroom, topless, but in leopard print pj bottoms, straight into the living room and sat at my laptop.

Now, i don’t know what happened in that time? But one minute (and because i was thoroughly enjoying my ‘alone’ time) i seemed to be as happy as the most delicious ‘dolly’ in town. Then the next minute…and because i was no longer alone…(‘Loverboy’ had walked in, in a white wife beater, a kitten in his arms, but with his willy hanging out) i became overwhelmed with stress and frustration. I mean, i didnt’ even care that he had his willy out. I just wanted time alone. ME time. Time to do whatever i wanted to do. Time to be…Me, i guess? I’m a highly independant girl and the core of my nature is to be free. I’m ambitious and usually have a great deal to do. The masses often do not realize how much work and time goes towards the art of my life. I joke about how i’ve accidentally walked into opportunity. However really, i’ve worked every minute of every day in order to dust to diamonds. I work really really hard. That hard work is merely decorated with a simply *wiggle-wink-purr.* (Which is the final product, that you see!) The boys I date get all narky after a while, due to my undying commitment to work and the ‘want’ that i have, to do well in life and simply because they’re not getting 100% of the attention. They fall behind in my list of priorities and boys just don’t like it.

Loverboy isn’t too bad, when i mist over and pull down the ‘I’m working’ shutter. Yet he’s slowly, but surely realizing that i haven’t just gotten everything from tossing my hair and drinking rum. (That’s how i got herpes. 🙂 Bad, baad joke, when i’m about to become a Mummy.) He’s realizing that opportunity hasn’t just strutted towards me. I’ve gone out, found it, worked it and made it my own! You don’t get something for nothing. I’m a hardworker….i just do it in glitter.

Anyway, i got all hormonal because i had a great deal of work to get through. I have a book right now, a day job, I’m about to have a baby and i have TV meetings to organize, which is really hard when you’re not in heels. I don’t have time to ‘dilly dally’ right now and wallow in the depths of a jelly chill-fest. I have soo much going on and in order to be a decent mum, a decent human being and happy. I have to get it ALL done! I love doing it. What i don’t love are road blocks in the form of uneccessary and rather pointless chill time. I’m a go-getter of Kitty cat, with boobies, brains and everything. Pete’s in chill, ‘slow as hell’ mode. I think i’ve called him ‘Lazy’ 42 times today and taken pretty much all of my hormonal beauty out on him. I mean, i went to bed late after working all evening. I then recieved pregnancy practice contractions all through the night, every hour, until 7am. I then got out of bed,  very very early, in order to write my blog and finish off my book. Then spent the rest of the day preparing for the birth of my baby with my Mum, taking phone meetings and going through career options! I’m not one bit lazy and i’m 9 months pregnant. I love Pete. I do. Yet we’re on alternate waves of motion. All he did last night was drink a whole entire bottle of red wine, feel so drunk he couldn’t walk and ‘aww’ed‘ at me through my evening contractions. Only to WAKE UP at noon and be annoyed at me for not wanting to hang out with him all day, because i had other commitments to tend to.

Now, i don’t mind him drinking a whole bottle of vino and passing out drunk, when i’m due to have a baby at any point of time. Yet if you do, you BETTER beable to wake up and get your game strut on when it’s time to get to business. I mean, i used to stay up until 5am partying and be at work, on set filming for 7am. I was never ever late and performed like a champion. Infact, jealous ex-boyfriends would try and make me stay out with them all night long, in order to sabbotage my reputation, in dying hope that i wouldn’t make it to work the next morning. I’m not a twat. I was there on the dot, ready, fresh and stepping into the ‘sent for me’ car, without being a single minute late. I’m silly, but i’m professional. I do well because i’m fun, reliable and dedicated to my cause. (Ooh i can totally smell garlic bread.)

Anyway, after a busy day, ‘Loverboy‘ and I have made up now. He attempted to be mildy cocky before. (I’d usually say ‘and not the good kind’ here. However i’m ‘Frigid Preggo Chrissie’ right now. Everyone keeps telling me to ‘put out’ in order to’ bring on the labour.’ Yet i’m refusing to ‘get jiggy’ until i know that it will 100% work. ) I have two weeks left of pregnancy. I think i’ll *pop* her out this week.

Anyhow, again..yeah. We’ve made up and he’s apologised. I don’t mess around girls. Know that it’s important to keep your gent in line. I’m always rather decent to mine, pretty much all of the time. Therefore today i felt that he needed a bit of a talking to, because he’s had life a little too easy just recently and when you give a boy an easy life, they often take it for granted!

I’m the one that 9 months pregnant here and he’s the one that’s moaning! Hair-tossing, stern words and stomping off occured today. He got the message and quickly reassessed his behaviour. Now he’s making me garlic bread and yeah we’re finally back to normal.

Other than that, I must remember to stop watching ‘Dancing on Ice.’ I don’t know whether it was the combination of lycra, sequins and spinning to Copacabana that got the better of me. But my practice contractions began as soon as I started watching it. OMG! I was in the most intense pain ever and they weren’t even the real thing! I even puked. All the way through the madness, all Pete did was look at cars on the internet and houses he couldn’t afford with moats. I think i might have gotten a *pat* and a bit of fake empathy. It actually really didn’t bother me too much, because i’m weirdly self sufficient. It’s just the fact that he didn’t have the natural brain capacity to stop, think and realize what the right thing to do was, WITHOUT me having to tell him to perform in the appropriate fashion. Annoying right? MEN!! *Yawn.* Pete’s been a great boyfriend, throughout my whole entire pregnancy, yet when it actually matters (LIKE NOW WHEN I’M ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH) he’s being pretty lame. (We’ve actually argued through the whole of this entire blog. Lol.) At least he made me lasagne. I can forgive him for his stupidity now. Our ‘Labour’ day which were having filmed…is going to be a circus! My hormones are insane right now. Maybe because i’m tee-total? It’s never very good for you. Don’t bother trying.

Oh and to those of you who are worried that I won’t Tweet through my labour, remember who you’re talking to. 🙂 I’m the Ultimate ‘LOOK AT ME’ Puss of ATTENTION WHOREY Glamour. I’ll Tweet, Blog, Facebook AND send smoke signals!!! Even if i die…I’ll get Pete to do the work for me. Lol. Oh and for those of you who want me to place diamante dummies in my upcoming new born baby’s mouth. I’m way ahead of you. Although i haven’t managed to retrieve a diamante dummy, like the girls of ‘My Big Fat Gypsy’ wedding. I’ve figured, i won’t really need to have one? I mean, surely breast feeding though a silver sequined nipple tassle will suffice. The breast feeding Nazi’s will trundle in immediately after the birth of my child. I’m utterly commited to being all growly, if they even ATTEMPT to peel my nipple tassles off! There will be a war! *Booyah-Pow*

I think i’ll watch ‘Real Housewives..’ now in order to ‘bring on the birth.’ I don’t think a lavender bath will work as well, as a bit of  an insight into her future.

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