Now hurry up & worship me…

‘From the Queen of stamina, to the Queen of the World. You move quickly…’ said the delicious Wunna fan to the Ultimate Glamour puss. And too right. I do intend to die with quite a legendary status. I mean, i could actually die now, and have pretty indecent tales of me told for years to come. However, why not share them with the world. You all need a sexy nuisance in your life. Let me be yours. (Or not…? Know that if you went with the ‘not’ option, you won’t get groped. I mean who else loves their fans enough to grope them!!! Apart from Gary Glitter, R Kelly, every rocker known to mankind and well yeah…everyone. I’m not that special.)

Having an amazing day. I don’t think i’ve even BEEN happier, than i am right now, in a loooong ass while. The Gods are sort of looking down on me and cutting me some slack (finally) with actual real life smiles and giving me a ‘happy ever after’ in work, love and basic ‘life.’ I’m surrounded by AMAZING friends, people who are actually people and i am aware this may sound bizarro to you. However if you live my life, you will discover that more good folk of the world, find it quite difficult to be the delicious  ‘people’ that they truely are around me. They have a ‘way’ they are around The Wunna. Which can often be confusing in dark rooms. Yet, I’m about as non-judgmental as you come, except i don’t like chavs, who pull my beauty queen hair and  have bad nails, or  try too hard tomboys, or horny fricking midgets, or paedeophiles or boys with pony tails. I also don’t like haters or those who ‘ruin everything.’ Why would i? I’m the Kitty Queen of Fun. I stood on a pool table at the Red Pearl in Hollywood, and lifted my leg over my head, like a drunk Pussycat doll, in order to ‘out pimp’ a gay man called ‘Lewis,’ who kept insisting he was ‘flyer’ than Me. Don’t be silly now!

Anyway, lots of Wunnaful things are a happening to me, since i’ve travelled back to northern soil. Believe it or not, it’s aiding my ‘dreams come true.’ O love London for work and a bit of party party, but the north has a warmth, a spirit of ‘magic.’ Actually almost an unbreakable, yet positive strength.  It’s the ideal place to find yourself a bit of happiness. I’m working hard today. Doing a great deal of business…i’ve actually been non-stop. However, being the floozey that i am, is hilarious because it’ s fooling people into believeing that they can try and take advantage of this little Glamour Puss.

 Now, I’ll admit that Hollywood (the town that created me, made me, and taught me life..one of the best cities in the world) gifted me with the bad habits. It taught me that i didn’t really need to use my brain in order to get ahead. (Awful i know! But it’s true and i’ve certainly got by with a pretty face and popularity.) England however, is teaching me, that i do need to have a bundle of ‘brain power’…However, luckily for me…i have a working brain and i cant even believe it!!! All it needed was a little exercise. I’m quite good friends with my brain now. I’m a diva, a hustler and i’m working really hard. I enjoy listenning to people throw me a well decorated piece of ‘i’m taking advantage of you, without you knowing’ jargen. I’m definiflte not a force to be reckonned with, now matter how ‘Dolly’ i may seem. *Wink pout*

It’s 2.31pm and i’ve already had a drink. I love me. I rock. I do. Annnyway, in the past few long hours, i’ve spoilt my Mother, eaten far too much sushi, made a pack to have a lesbain wedding to my girl best friend @Harriet_Hannah. We intend to adorn matching dresses. I went for neon yellow with a tragic Black lace. And well ofcourse , my raven haired beauty went with neon green and a leopard print trim! UGH! Jealous!! I think @Wazza agreed to bless our unity in a sailor suit, fit for a 4month old. (I’m actually giving him love advice right now….it always goes well, when i do. The last one, ended up needing to get fluid drained from her brain, being racist and stalking him. Yep…move over Cupid, i can take over ruining lives for right now.) I love Wazza and Harriet. We’re tremendous human beings. I mean they know which parts of my life to ‘censor‘ and everything, so you don’t know about them. Wazza, (manager of this site) is the friend that’s known me the longest ever…and Harriet is the chica, who yells at my dates for wanting to pay for our drinks!!! I LOVE HER! And we’re all in agreement that he’s much much better than the ‘last one.’ Yep, he’s been reduced to ‘last one.’  I mean Jonny couldn’t even really pay for a half pint, i don’t think.

God, lots of funny things have happened, but i can’t at all remember them now. I need help! I know that Harriet wants us to get a Yorkshire/Hollywood terrier, that i can name ‘Coco Chanel‘ and when most people go to sleep at night, a friend of mine named Jaike, impresses me by not only telling me i NEED four arms for shopping and sex. BUT THEN goes on to really making me adore him, by finding a chinese baby WITH four arms, followed by CREATING a FOUR ARMED picture of ME, via the fine use of Photoshop and delivering it to me, on Twitpic! I FUCKING LOVE HIM. This is why i need my gays in my life. I was literally at home, on gin, weeing myself in my living room…infact, i was so impressed, i let him have my number. I can’t not have him in my life! Adoration much!

I should really get back to working hard, yet i keep getting distracted. One minute i’m working out stats, then the next minute i’m wiggling around merrily, with a wine in my hand to reggae dance hall and Destinys Child tracks, in any mirror that will have me. I’ve had ‘Bills, Bills, Bills’ on quite a lot, simply because i’m humoured by it. I havn’t heard it in ages and the fuuny thing about it is that one of my ex-boyfriends is in the video, sat in a glass box, with the word ‘BROKE’ hung by him, in ‘lighted sign’ form. How true. I was 23, having to pay for him at 28…infact 29! I mean, i do like the boy…but i pretty much like where i’m at now more. 🙂

I can’t think of anything to banter about, because i’m too sober. But i love you and i’m actually on the merry path to great success, accidentally. Never been happier. I was once this sexy misfit, that society tried to batter. THEN it didn’t win, and therefore decided to turn Me into an Idol, and honour me. Not bad really, for a Glamour Puss, with the best wink ever! (‘Lashes’ is currently BBM-ing me. He’s cool…but i’m not too bothered now, because i have a decent and rather loving ‘handsome’ who tends to me pretty well. It’s funny because when i’m happy, all my exes venture out of the woodworks to try and fight for what they once didn’t want. Luckily, that’s not how it works in Wunnaland. The New boy pretty much does everything, all of those fine gentlemen daren’t do…and that’s express how he truely feels without fear.) Learn from it. I mean after a  phone chat yesterday and after i had said, ‘i don’t want you to just be saying whatever to me for fun..etc…’ He responded with a ‘I mean everything i’ve said, it’s the truth. I’d wait years and years to just be with you.’

God, i feel ADORED!!!!

Also, my mum gave me a look, that would suggest that she really crazy loved me yesterday. I was galloping down a street, mid shopping spree, overly excited, and maybe twirling… describing my next wedding dress that she would have to finance. I was girly and bimbo and full of wiggly woo.  (Note: I’m not actually getting married to those of you who are fan mailing me.) I don’t think she realised what a bit of mildy slaggy  ‘rumpy’ with my Daddy would create???

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