Nippy Nappy Porn with Tan

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Well aren’t you lucky. Two blogs in one day! You can tell I have nothing to do…as I’m giving my time to the art of the wordsmith. I’m currently smeared in sticky fake tan, in men’s pyjamas, trying to dry…hopefully I’ll be as orange as Dale Winton by this evening…yet some of us just aren’t that lucky. πŸ™‚ I tried to book in for a local one today, at a place across the road from where I’ll be getting my hair ‘did’ in Ackworth. Now, I don’t know what’s wrong with that little lady, but she never ever can fit me in. She never has time for me and whenever she realizes that it’s me who is attempting to book in, she straight away says, ‘Sorry, i’m fully booked.’ AS IF! LOL. The busiest place in our town, (which is the one I normally go to, however i’ll have to check in with them tomorrow, as today i’m in chill mode and don’t feel like a venture) isn’t even fully booked, so how can this lady be? She ALWAYS IS and doesn’t open everyday. I mean how does she make ANY money? But whatever, she can stick her spray tan up her pretty…*i’ll let you fill in the blanks.*

I’ve also just got out of the most glorious shower. One of those showers that you never ever want to get out of. Sucks! πŸ™ I stayed in it for ages, then suddenly grabbed the twisty knob and in a fast second, and yes…with my Kung Fu grip, turned it off. #glum Then I ruined the feeling of the glorious shower, by smearing myself in sticky ‘doesn’t dry that fast’ fake tan. Β I’m sat here, hoping that the boy’s pj’s will protect my tan from getting on everything, yet feeling as though i’m smeared in lard. It’s grossly mostly.

But yes, 3.40pm, i’m off to get my weave trimmed. I might even be able to bla a few layers for volume. My hair is beautiful but a nuisance. Everything in my life is that way. I need to hire staff to do it for me and massage me and put my heels on for me. When I have millions…that’s the first thing i’m doing. (Remind me to check my 100 unchecked lottery tickets. I’m sure i’ve won.) My shower’s made me feel like a nap.

Talking about a nap. How boring are the story lines in porn. Not to just randomly bring it up, but my guy friend sent me a link to a free porn video that he believes features ME? Erm…firstly…it was M.I.L.F porn. I like M.I.L.F pron because there’s something sexy about a 40 something, old but fit Mama with tans and boobies ‘ooh arring’ with a boy who knows nothing about sex. Yet you can’t just send me pron of some random oriental girl, with too much eyeliner and eye shadow on and say it’s me, for crying out loud! Lol. I mean, it was a COMPLETELY different girl, Asian of course…but she just had too much eye shadow on, whilst giving a rather aggressive blow job. It wasn’t even a double-take moment, where I look and think, ‘Hey? Is that me?’ No wonder all these random men think im their future, if they’re just looking at every girl from the orient, with too much eye shadow on and thinking that it’s ME.

Anyway, after confirming that it wasn’t me, I then thought i’d have a peek at the rest of what the site had going on. πŸ™‚ It’d be rude not too and whatever, i’m preggo-horn-tas, right now. Let me tell you…it Β was ALL snooze-fest and i’m someone who is open minded, who thinks that porn is a good way for couples or singletons to get in the mood, in the privacy of their own bedroom, if they so wish. But those story lines are SO DULL and SO poorly acted..that I actually, in my 32 year old, woke up at 4,36am state…fell ASLEEP through one…hahaha…without realizing that I had actually nodded off and shocked myself awake to rampant video’d sex. You know you’re an oldie when you’re falling asleep to porn. It was THAT BORING, so I’ve decided that of I ever watch porn again…i’m going to fast forward the shit acting part and get to the saucy bit. The sex bit doesn’t even get me going. It’s the bit inbetween that stirs a woman..the foreplay.

HAHA. I LOVE that I accidentally took a nap during porn. That’s how kinky I am. My ‘freak number’ was at zero. Nice nap though. I just don’t know how they manage to do it for a living? Literally. πŸ™‚ I mean, of course know porn stars and have listened in on their conversations, where they are so proud of themselves for DP’ing? I didn’t say anything, but I was like ‘what?’

Is that counted as a life achievement? Lol. It’s just so bizarre to me that a chick would say ‘I have the best job ever. I go to work and get ‘fucked’ every day.’ Hmm..? Lovely! πŸ™‚ Jesus Christ! They were the exact words that I heard the girl in question say. Like I said, i’m as open minded as they come and it even made me throw a cringe-festival. I’m not quite sure that getting paid to have sex on camera is better than finding true love and making love to the man of your dreams, because you’re both madly attracted to one another sexually and love each other unconditionally. Yeah…it’s for free. Lol. But Holy Crapola. It’s worth it. It’s called ‘love.’ πŸ™‚ Keiran and I made A SON…a life…on our wedding night, out of love. Crazy, but true. The timing is insane. Yeah, we might not have been given a couple grand cheque for the performance…lol…but a son…is surely worth a bit more than that. πŸ™‚ Plus, we didn’t have to get jiggy in front of you all for entertainment. We had our bridal four poster bed, to ourselves…well when Emma and Goodhall left anyhow. πŸ™‚ Love them! Sizzle couple! Emma was running around in her pyjama’s and with a front pony tail. Keiran and Goodhall we’re climbing up the posts of the bed. I passed out…in leopard print.

But saying that…if there wasn’t any porn…I wouldn’t have nap time video’s would I…so I’m grateful. πŸ™‚

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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