National Clevage Day Bitches

Okay so April’s just hotted up and thank the good lord!! It’s sunny, it’s amazing, and although i’ve just mindlessly spent the morning gardening in my sequined bikini top to my favourite hip hop tunes, (soo ghetto fabulous) after a quick shoot for a charity for people with bad hearts, let me tell you BITCHES that it is NATIONAL CLEVAGE DAY today!! So go forth and get out that delicious crease of fleshy weshy, carefully produced by the art of squishing together two wonderful meaty bags of fun, that are hopefully attached to your chest (i obviously can’t squish mine, as they don’t move due to ‘fake implantness’…yet they do fire out bullets when neccessary, so i’m 99% pleased.) It’s time for Pina Coladas!!! Loooove it!! My guy friends in LA would always try to give me ‘Penis Coladas.’ It tastes like chicken.

So yeah you tramps, todays the day where you are completely allowed to be a slut and blame it on our nation. Thank God for National Clevage Day!! Thank God April got better, i was about to start digging my way to the land of ‘whoopdee.’ I actually have a ‘To do’ list, i’m supposed to be getting through, but i’ve decided to opt for the ‘fuck it’ option, as simply staring at it, is not making it go away! I have two big auditions coming up, so in order for me to do well…i need to rest, have fun and re-fuel with friends. I’m excited!

Apart from the shoot, the gardenning and getting my ‘knocker crease ‘out so  Badsworth grannies can scowl at me, i’ve always decided to commit to being a pervert! Now, i love men, boys, the hunter…we all know this. But when the sun is out….i love you more!!! (She makes ‘herbal essence’ noises.) Luckily i have chick friends (all 3 of them..) who also quite like being perverted, so i dragged them along with me to hoot and holla (LA style) at shirtless joggers and any random passersby. I love eye candy and it is all out and about today!! I F****** LOVE APRIL!! I’ve winked, i’ve followed, i’ve hooted, i’ve hit on and i’ve declared undying love to every piece of man or chick, i could possibly find somewhat attractive today…and it’s been MARVELLOUS!! Ofcourse i don’t intend to McBonky any of them, but i believe sometimes you just godda tell people how hot they are. I’m NOT a shy girl. I’ll go up to anyone and shamefully tell them how delicious they are on the ‘Wunna Scale of Whoredom’..whether they be on it or not!! ( I have nothing to lose. I left my my soul and dignity somehwere in the valley.) I’m naturally flirty (yet not with Calum Best) and y’know what… it makes people feel good. And let me tell you, this nations got to cheer up, lighten up and muscle up! I mean, i’ve been walking around the streets looking like a hoochie hip /hop verison of Timmy Mallet today. I’ve been bum grabbing and kissing peeps on their cheeks and it’s been brilliant!! I think it’s okay to be a pervert provided you’re an innocent open pervert and not one that sits in the corner of a dark room, at his laptop at 3am, wanking it to ‘Saucy slits’ whilst his wife is asleep in the other room. I mean that’s okay too, as that’s your life…yet it’s just more fun in the sun, except you’d probably burn your ‘ohh-arr.’

Got a great message from Canada today from a ‘Michael.’ (Canada currently loves me, not sure why…but i bloody adore all the attention, so lets bring out all the banners!!) He comes from a small town where it’s hard to come by sexy Brit Chicks (well probably because it’s Canada???) Anyway, he flattered me to pieces, which i simply love and then went on to tell me that the closet he has to me in his small town of Canada, is a creepy frump of a painter lady who has a sign on her front lawn that says ‘Margaret Waters: Artist.’ Hahaha! Love you Michael Bradley!!

I’m gonna go around licking things today…to see if it is actually important to ‘lick it before you kick it.’ Wunna predicts this ends badly! I’m going in…stop me!

Chrissie Wunna x

7 thoughts on “National Clevage Day Bitches”

  1. i really do hope so … i went down to the village fayre the other month (i know) and it was terrifing in there. perverts galore. rather enjoyed it.

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  2. is it realy national cleavige day lovely darts i bet your neighbours love living next door to u seeing u gardeneing in your bikini quality i am gonna get me next gaffe in pntefract and talk yorkshire then maybe one could woo u then miss wunna

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  3. Harriet- There’s perverts in Badsworth, How did i never know this!!! I’ve been wasting my talents travelling all the way to Hollywood for a bit of action. lol

    Michael- loved the message…especially the parts where you tell me i’m amazing! hahaha.

    Scratch- I can’t wait until the day i am wooed

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  4. there is far too much knit work in badsworth for there to not be perverts PLUS they can’t all need wellies ! kinky indeed.
    there are a few cute guys now down on back lane. sadly the mother lives just up the hill below the water tower so i rarely get to indulge. SELFISH BEHAVIOUR!

    Reply

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