Morning!! I hope you’ve had the most amazing Christmas time! I spent it with my family…ALL The Wunnas, in ALL THE LAND and it couldn’t have been more wonderful. We’re such a close family and to just watch Ruby & Junior be SO EXCITED about the arrival of Santa, just made me kitten heart melt. It’s just amazing.
Having children at Christmas, sets your world on fire with love. And just being around my Mum and Dad etc…was great. I’m a little independant Sasserilla, but I am 100 percent a family girl. It was brilliant! I mean I sat with my Mum over cocktail sausages and watched a bit of Strictly and we just pissed ourselves, as my Dad and Brother had kips. My Dad’s ace because he’ll sit and enjoy a Port with me. (He’s an emotional man, so he may weep during the process. Lol) My Mum’s ace because she’s just an amazing MOTHER. We can sit and watch The Hangover and cry with laughter at the most inappropriate moments.
Mum: ‘I love it when the naked Chinese man jumps out the car boot and humps him!’
(Now, you all get why I have such a rubbish sense of humour. It’s evil!)
But let’s rewind.
So, the evening before. Christmas Eve. A time where some of you are out on the razzle, kissing strangers under the mistletoe, (remember when you were in school and the boys used to attached mistletoe to their trouser belts and try and make you kiss them under it??? Eww! Maybe it was a 90’s thing? Maybe it was a Private School thing? Lol)
Anyway, the rest of you either made your way back home to your families or like moi got your children excited for Christmas morning.
We watched Christmas movies, laid out a mince ie, carrots and milk for Santa and Rudolph. I leave nothing under the tree. Nothing at all. I do the ‘everythign magically appears on Christmas Morning’ thing, which is quite practically a ball ache.
So, I let Junior leave his ‘boobie traps’ for Santa…and I tinkered the babies upstairs for a big sleep.
OH MY LORD!!
(By this point i’d filled my soul with champagne.)
MY KIDS, ofcourse DO NOT want to go sleep and instead insist that they are going to CAMP OUT ALL NIGHT IN MY ROOM, WATCHING FOR SANTA TO f**&(*$*&&&* ARRIVE!!! They set up some crazy blanket tent, with snacks and standed guard.
So, I had to pretend to fall asleep. Junior was on Team Mum, because I had manipulated him with love 😉 …so he got into bed with me first…then Ruby followed at about midnight, because she FINALLY FELT EXHAUSTED.
I too, unfortunately fell asleep at this point. Champers, full bellies and discreet present wrapping had killed me off for a while. My ENTIRE FAMILY (as in my Mum, Dad, and Brother, were also staying at mine, to watch the babies open their presents in the morning.)
I WAS COMPLETELY NAKED.
Laid on top of my sheets, because my brother had turned the HEAT ON, some kinda crazy ‘full blast.’ Now, I like it hot…but I had to fling my giant fox onesie off, like a budget stripper gram, in order to just BREATHE and feel cold air on my skin.
But yes, there I was starfish naked, on my sheets…and my Mum ‘nudges’ me up with a..
‘Get up, you need to put all the gifts under the tree…’
So, I fling on some satin pj polka dot bottoms, a tshirt, a giant white faux fur and a pair of cream heels…like ALL THE FASHION DISASTERS IN ONE…tip toe out, half asleep to my car, gather all the pre wrapped good from y back seat ant boot, that i’d shoved in a giant plastic carrier bag and hidden under a Little Mistress faux fur…dragged them into the house, plonked all the presents under the tree…nibbled carrots like the reindeers had had a go at them, drank a cup of milk and made it look ‘spilt’ (because Santa’s so busy) and then ate half a mince pie…which I HATE. I despise a mince pie.
At this point I was filled with glee, because I had completed my Mummy duties…So ofcourse I Snapchat it, like i’m some kinda ‘Hero,’ take everything off and get back in bed. I also swigged a mouthful of Baileys OUT THE FUCKING BOTTLE, before I tucked myself in, because i’m classy like that. (Shut up, it was Christmas.)
Got settled, felt like the comfiest soul in the world, then…
JUMPED UP WITH FEAR!!
I’d totally forgotten that I needed to sprinkle out Santa’s footprints.
SO, not being arsed to put any clothes on because it was STILL BOILING and I hadn’t had the sense to just turn the heating down…I get out of bed FULLY STARKERS…RUMMAGE IN A BAG, where I had hidden some ‘Lemon Fresh’ Shake & Fresh….and in the complete NUDE….and in the half dark, I totter around my house, holding this green ‘shake and vac’ shaker, sprinkling Santa’s snow footprints all over my home. The footprints made no sense. Nudity made no sense. I got to bed around 2am.
It was all totally worth it!
The next morning, we all had a lay in and the shock on their faces made my entire world complete.
I had the best Christmas Day!
It was filled with family, love and glamourous hilarity.
I whopped out my breakfast platter, I cooked, we danced to Christmas songs, we opened presents, we drank..OH I DRANK MY ENTIRE BODY WEIGHT IN EVERYTHING…i need to stop….and after messaging all my friends abroad and someone here that I care about, then sending the babies off to their daddies in the evening…
I settled down with my Mum and we watched a ginger Rugby player Oli visit the First Dates restaurant and go on a date with Kat…for us all to watch and judge. Lol (I loved their date. He gifted her with a photo of his butt. J I love that show. There’s a magic to it..A magic that everyone can relate to.)
Today, I’m spending some time with my Mum and Dad. I need to get out of my pyjamas at some point…and then i’m headed to The Carleton to meet my chicks friends for a couple of drinky poos!
Have an amazing Boxing Day!
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