I’m at Loverboys alone because he’s decided to go to work, due to the fear of them not liking him. I recieved a frantic call from one of my chick friends, who was crying because her boyfriend had just commited to the art of cheating on her. Right, now i’m in a mode that would suggest a giggly, happy, chipper bubble of delight, therefore being snowed in and feeling all safe in MY four walls, (whilst watching re-runs of ‘The Hills’,) yet knowing that others are similarly snowed in, yet completely devasted with heart ache, between THEIR four walls…kinda makes me feel uneasy. It’s Christmas time and i want everyone to enjoy it. I want to be bundled up by fireplaces, sharing laughter and mulled wine with loved ones. I want that for them because this time last year, i certainly didn’t have that little dream. I was alone in my appartment in London, being treated rather poorly by a boy i loved, living off cigarettes, hope and booze, whilst not paying for my heating bill, watching North London pass by my snowy window, yet going out every night simply to keep life moving. Don’t get me wrong. I loved it at the time. However now i look back i feel sooooo happy, that i am nowhere even NEAR that kind of life anymore. I’ve graduated and moved up the rung of happiness. I feel pure again. Like the girl i used to be, instead of this girl that was dipped in a sordid pool of ‘eww.’ This year, is THE year i got my life together and i’ve never felt better! I feel thoroughly decent and although my past makes me wildly opened minded with others and their choices. I can now sort of look back on that chapter and secretly smile with a nod of pleasure, knowing that i’ve got smarter and ditched that phase of ‘i guess we all have to go through it.’
Anyway, my chick friend called crying because her ever so loving boyfriend has cheater on her 3 times and she’s managed to find out via jolly old Facebook. Not only that, but he’s apparently been watching a whole chunk of porn and making out with her ‘friend of a friend,’ whilst telling her he loves, but secretly messaging his ex, saucy inboxes of sin. Hmm..? Merry Christmas!!! *Pops open champagne-cries into it, in streamers at 2.01am*
These days, (now i’m 29) i’m not one who enjoys to snoop in the secret drawers of others and simply because ignorance really is bliss to me now. I don’t want to know or see what goes on behind my back, when it comes to the man, that i may love and because i’m all about celebrating the ‘good times’ ignorantly …without having to ‘ouch‘ myself with a pain that could turn me into a kitty cat, that i don’t really enjoy. I’ve walked that path before (infact last merry year) and yeah…it pretty much sucked balls. Took me a lot of time to glue myself together. But i did it. 😉 [Applaud here.]
However, saying all that (i love that i have a kitten on my lap right now, preventing me from typing) the phone call alarmed me in a bizarre way of ‘awkward.’ Therefore i figured i would view my laptop ‘history‘ (Oh Lord) because it’s the laptop that both Loverboy & I use. (You know this ends badly.) Be warned! You are a product of your environment!
Everything looked pretty normal and it would really. I mean, surely i don’t date a boy that’s retarded enough to forget to delete his Cyberland history, from my laptop. Then i looked and looked again. Went in for the *click-click* and there it was..a live porn stream of girls on webcam ‘teasing’ online viewers, with fannies. LOL. TYPICAL! Just when i decided to snoop, Pete’s stupid enough to leave a porn trail on my laptop! UGH! Weridly, i watched girls fiddle with their privates for a wee jolly while, then got bored and deleted the fact that I snooped! 🙂 An odd kind of role reversal!
It took me a good few minutes to decide if i was angry about this? However, after watching a couple of the ‘secrets,’ it became boring and i got over it. My mum would always tell me, that men are wired very differently to women and they will always be stirred by any womans sexually, no matter who they are with. Apparently, if i secretly find anything out, i am to refrain from saying a single word because then they will wrongly believe that they have not got caught and therefore be more careless with their ‘secrets‘ in the future. I’m not good at the ‘not saying anything’ part. 🙂 I’m Chrissie Wunna, not ‘Holly Hushy Pants.’ If i’m narked off, you’re hearing it and hearing why! I’m already, all guns blazing in frilly knickers!
To be honest, the porn thing doesn’t bother me. (There was one that looked far too young and lost for such a job. I wanted to cuddle her and give her advice on men.) Pete has secret wanks…so what? Don’t we all. I’m not an insecure girl. I’m just not too bothered by it all really…which is not like me at all. (I’ve takenVERY deep breaths, to mask a GREAT anger.) THEN, i find out that he’s stalked his ex on Facebook and tagged himself on pictures with her. For some reason…i HATE THAT and now i want to be evil to him. Now, this seems somewhat out of character for him, as he’s quite the Prince of romance with me. He wants me to be his wife. I’m having his baby in 2 months!! Therefore, i need to wait until he returns from work, before i emotionally wrestle with him, in order to win my own trophy of utter justice. Then i will report back.
This is why i need to work constantly. I’ve had one day off and i’ve turned into a snoop. Lol. If i’m busy, then i don’t busy my time with pointless acts of jiggery! TRAGIC! My advice to dollies in relationship predicatments, is to basically let your partner do whatever they want. I watch girls often try and force a change upon their ‘handsome’ labelling what they do, as somewhat taboo. Men like Taboo. Infact, as do women. My tactic is to always let a person be who they are, until they themselves learn to stop being foolish. Whether i decide to leave them, love them or lick them? You don’t at all have to stay with them…but eventually, (if not forced) they’ll get bored of the ‘same old sinning’ and it won’t be as exciting anymore. Then they’ll go through a phase of glorious regret and come trundling back…whether you want them to.. or not.
Now,don’t worry, i am happy. I’m just not bothered with drama right now. I’m far too jolly pants. I’ve turned up all his heating so he has to pay for it all and managed to *trump* on various clean things that i found in his house. 🙂 The reason why i’m not worried, is because i always WIN our battles. Plus, upsetting me never seems to work in his favour. [Insert evil laugh.]
I shall now return to stroking kittens and watching ‘I’m a Celebrity.’ Well done me! I really do need to go back to work tomorrow. What’s happening between YOUR four walls?