My Date Day with Vickie…and cunts.

dsc_04831 (1)

Yesterday was such a glorious day and even though i was hanging, I sort of felt all bored and lonely and really missed having fun. So i was forced to find it…but after I had found a decent Bloody Mary, which might i tell you does not exist in Pontefract.

In LA, after a great night out, we’d all go for morning Bloody Mary’s, as it is THE BEST hangover cure, in the world ever. Yet the Bloody Mary’s in LA are divine…in the sun. I had mine at The Carleton…on my own..and it was SHIT. However, it funnily enough worked. I felt wonderful afterward.

Plus, after such a shit night. I kinda needed and just enjoyed having that alone time,that ย quiet ‘me’ time…time where i can just hide away and chill, without feeling ‘oh show.’ ย I actually really loved it. ๐Ÿ™‚ I had an awesome time. ๐Ÿ™‚

I actually chatted to my mate Tony whilst i was there, who’s currently in Newcastle on a stag do, that i refused to go on because i’m a girl. It sounded like the quiestest stag do in all the land. But i’m sure it perked up, as they had strippers booked for 2pm. Tony has this inability to know the difference between a stripper and an actual prostitute. He’s actually been punched out for such a mistake previously and will continuously get punched out, until he learns his lesson. LOL. Him and his mates are meeting really classy birds, as one girl stripper bent over on the dance floor, with her whole bum out and ‘holes’ on show and everything…and his friend casually actually put his finger in her! EWWWWWW!!! HAHAHA. I’m not sure what to say, other than there are places to get finger blasted…and…i just have nothing to say. ๐Ÿ™‚

Long story short. I love Vickie and I have only really first met Vickie a couple weeks ago…but we got on really really well when we met because we have the same sense if fun, humour, politeness and just manner. I’d said that i was gonna take her on a ‘date’ and well the sun was out, life was worth living…so i sent her a message…and BOOM, within 30 mins, we were both at the Tap and Barrel, enjoying beer garden weather with fruity beer and wine.

It was BEAUTIFUL and we were having the BEST TIME EVER, chatting about boys, life..’doggin’…and all sorts. ๐Ÿ™‚ I like Vickie. Infact, I Iike Vickie a lot. And it was kinda nice to just be around a girl. A happy, fun one for once. Instead of always being surrounded by testosterone and I wanted to treat her simply because i believed she derserved it.

As always ‘beautifullness’ got out of hand…as we left the Tap and Barrel to meet other chicks (Anna and Paige) at ‘The Blacky.’

OH MY GOD, WAS THAT THE BIGGEST MISTAKE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. If i actually knew what was about to occur, i would’ve rather rammed my head into 20,000 brick walls with nails in…then gone to The Blacky.


To be honest, when we first got to the pub, life was still beautiful. We enjoyed more chatter, drank gin, sat outside and just giggled. It was AMAZING. Every inch of life was brimming with delight and i could tell that we were maybe getting a little pissed because we were laughing like the world belonged to us and decided that we should get married.

In fact this idea stemmed from the fact that we thought we should go to a wedding store, try on wedding dresses and just so we could selfie ourselves and send the pictures to Spinky (who Vickie dates) and Ben (who doesn’t want to date me Lol) to ‘the boys’ in order to completely freak them out, so they think we’re completely tapped. ๐Ÿ™‚ That’s what we find funny. That’s why we get on. We’re fucking idiots.

Instead, just tagging ourselves at the Ponty Registry office to get married and then tagging ourselves at Terminal 4 at Heathrow airport to go on our honeymoon to Bermuda felt much easier. But we were LOVING LIFE. Laughing at it. In absolute glorious stitches..and just in love with one another on our fake wedding day! Anna joined us. People were out…

Then a cunt came along and ruined it all. ๐Ÿ™‚

And when i say ‘ruined it all,’ i don’t mean *giggle..giggle* ruined it all, I mean Vickie and I got absolutely SERIOUSLY heavily verbally abused for about an hour and half by a balled the point where we had to leave, because it upset us. HAHAHA. I mean i can’t even get FAKED MARRIED AND IT GO OKAY! FFS!

So get this…he shows up, he starts talking too close to may face, feeling boobs and then continously calls me a ‘nig nog’ and rambles on about me not being white and then turns to Vickie AND begins to call her a ‘fat cunt’ continously…(there was LOTS MORE THAN THIS, BUT THE STRESS THAT THIS EVENT CAUSED WAS JUST TOO MUCH TO WRITE ABOUT LOL)

He went to town on us! But really. Like he was really really nasty and it was for ages. And it was especially awful because Vickie and i are both really laid back girls, we’re girls to be able to take a joke, we’re girls who are fun, but polite in a ย laid back, smiley fashion and we’re girls who aren’t going to make you feel like shit.

SO, he was being HIGHLY abusive, verbally and psychically…(yeah he was a pisshead and yeah everyone kept calling him soft..but the stuff that he was doing and saying to us was AWFUL. I got PUNCHED!He fucking punched me. He had VIckie in a head lock. NO one did SHIT! He was feeling my boob up. Trying to kis Vickie. Calling her ‘A FAT CUNT’….and calling my and my ‘pussy’ a nigger…continuously. He was grabbing us…and swearing at us…fighting with us and to the point where we were sooo uncomfortable, that we were no longer having a good time. It was awful. I can’t even describe how awful. I mean we laughed it off….but it wasn’t lovely AT ALL. I mean, I don’t think i’ve gotten that abused in an hour for ages! HAHAH. Plus, he kept grabbing us and pulling us and trying to kiss us…and PUNCHING ME…and well i’ve never been that racially abused ever. Plus, he kept telling me he’d give me a tenner for sex.

It was sooo awkward that the ENTIRE BEER GARDEN AT THE BLACKY, just paused, turned around and watched it like a show. I mean, some other girls at another table threw a glass at his head to shut him up because he was being such a douche to us.. He then called Anna a specky bastard (But Anna had anger issues…and fucking LEFT Vickie and I to get tortured by him, as she went to sit by a guy for help! LOL.)

Now, he had Vickie in a headlock at one point, and she’s just not a headlock kinda girl and it was just such an awful time that we needed it to stop.

NOT ONE PERSON STUCK UP FOR US, WE HAD NO BOYS AROUND US WHO CARED ENOUGH TO STICK UP FOR US…(which when you’re a girl is the most annoying thing ever. I mean, it got so bad that she even text Spinky…and we would NEVER do that. LOL.)

And it sort of made us devalue men…because how can they just sit around and watch chicks get punched and felt up?

Things sort of settled and Anna came back…he was now sat at the tanle just verbally abusing us, which seemed much better than him being violent and handsey…lol…

THEN OFCOURSE PAIGE ROCKS IN, skips in, like the cast of come alternative High School Musical…in her BRIGHT RED, PULP FICTION LEGGINGS. (Now, I haven’t really hung out with Paige much. She’s only met me twice…and well Anna told her not to worry as i’m apparently really nice… ๐Ÿ™‚ )

She walked in and Vickie and i were so stressed out…and didn’t want to attract anymore attention to ourselves, let alone have Paige be abused, so as soon as she got to the table, Vickie shouts, (and like we were in a war zone)


I just looked at her and in distress said,

‘Wow, you wore the WRONG leggings.’

It all got heated again, to the point where Anna was now swearing at the guy, he was swearing back. Paige DAREN’T EVEN STAND UP…because he wouldn’t let us…and she had ‘the leggings’ on. HAHAH. They both ran off and LEFT US AGAIN to hide by boys.

And well, it all got too much that Vickie and we just left. We eveb told the staff at the Blacky that he was being really abusive and that he had called me a ‘nig nog,’ called Vickie a ‘fat cunt’, punched me and had a glass thrown at him…and they didn’t do anything. ๐Ÿ™‚ Just told him off a bit.

We just left and went to get cocktails at Alley ca zams, where in which I daren’t even tag us in, in case he found us! HAHAHA.

We were really stressed and so i bought us cocktails to ease the pain. I even had to stand in order to feel dominant for a second.

EVENTUALLY we got happy again and loads more girls joined us, Anna and Paige ventured back. We sang shit songs, drank fruity drinks, talked about marriage, and a burlesque dance off…Anna wanted to try and out ‘helicopter nipple tassle’ me..and then coke heads came and caused more fighting. UGH!

By this time, the stars were over us and night had comforted us. (Meaning we were pissed and well it just turned into the BEST GIRLY NIGHT EVER. We were laughing, loving life talking chicken, about being fisted and embracing Ponty.)

I don’t think any of us had laughed that hard in weeks and sometime sin life who kinda just need to not panic, let loose and just have fun. It was awesome to be around girls again…and it was just a happy moment of freedom…down an alleyway, with cocktails.

Paige (who’s ace and works at ‘KFC, yeah you know me.) Said the two times she’s met me, the first things i’ve said to her were,

‘Fucking Biggies Bitch.’


‘Sit the fuck down bitch.’


(‘Aww, yeah, you’re really nice Chrissie,’)

Just loveliness happened then and well Vickie and i left early as she had Spinky and ‘fisting’ ย to tend to…:) and well i had no one… just went home.

What a fucking night.

I need bank holiday drinks.






Leave a comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.