…said the good Lord to his delicious oriental protege of ‘Ooh Laa.’ (Yes Me you shits!) I’m writing this now because i’ll have to rise early from my luxury chambers in the morning to perfom arts of ‘Glamour Puss’ at a shoot, where my BODY for the first time EVER will be PAINTED. Yes lovers, i’m gonna stand there nudies for 5 hours whilst a good old dear, strokes my body with gentle brushes laiden with paints. Their imagination will be plastered on my body…ruining my fake tan.
Hopefully it’ll look marvellous and i’ll feel nakedly AMAZING. Then i shall tend to my shoot, where i will seductively pout, pose and ‘va voom,’ it in my new found skin. I’m excited, and it’s so much better than some of the other things that have been spurted/smeared on my body after a pathetic ‘four pump- Uggh.’ I remember turning up on a doorstep one evening, in a t-shirt that read ‘I Break Hearts on a Daily Basis’ with a giant cum stain dribbling down the chest of it.
DK (my friend) kinda just opened his door. I remember saying, ‘Yes it’s cum.’ Then i elbowed my way past him like he was a nobody and used his bathroom to re-think my actions. I loved my life then. I still do. But the cum stain days were magical. I had just bonked my ex-husband, in his car outside an appartment building in LA. He didn’t want his girlfriend to know …hence the odd location and well…i was suffering from a rather broken heart. Infact a broken spirit. I used to be extremely EVIL.
But anyway TOMORROW, (whilst you’re at work or saving the delicious world) my body shall be painted upon, then pictured. It better be good. I have horrid thoughts of diaster.
Love you all