My best friend Febreeze

The randomest thing that happened today, was the fact that i was sitting being my Glamour puss self, nursing the ego, pouting the lips, and reading up about my Uncle ‘Shwebohmin’ in a daily newspaper, which was going on about him being ‘..Burma’s self styled king-in waiting,’ and all that good stuff. Then a perfect pally of mine, shouts over a lunch table, ‘Oi, the Circus for me!!’ I picked up my pink phone, scrolled down a couple names, and in about 4.7 seconds i was talking to a Circus dude. The fact that i have the CIRCUS, in my phone worries me?? I don’t know how it got there? But i do probably need therapy. What kind of lady has the mobile number for the Circus in her cell phone? No-one i want to know, right?

I’ve just got home, i’m embracing my curves, my throats much better, and i’m contemplating housework. I’ve been told i have to do it by the Great Wunna before Me, which is bizarre as i’ve never seen her do it? She came from an upbringing where a servant was hired to brush her hair, every time she felt it needed a good once over. (no joke, either!!) I hate housework!! You have to make the beds, wash the dishes, clean dirty objects and then 6 months later you have to hire MORE staff to get the rest done!! Sucks balls!!  I seem to only be good at maintaining an already clean home. Y’know where you just kinda push things around, and tamper with the napkins. Tonight, due to ‘can’t be arsed-ness,’ and sheer exhaustion after buying a faux fur coat, i’m just gonna go with the spraying ‘Febreeze’ around the house technique (shut-up, you’ve all done it), so at least it looks like i’ve made a mammoth effort. It’s lazy, i know, but my feet just kill from walking around in heels made by the Devil, all day. I can’t bring myself to do anything but relax right now, lay around and watch flowers grow. 

In England boys never make you clean their house until you’re their wife or whatever. In LA, by the third date, if you make it that far, you’re expected to be doing the dishes, and colour co-ordinating their condoms. Ugh!! Housework is for chicks that either don’t have anything interesting to do, or are trying to hard too make a boy love them. My words of advice: ‘Learn the powers of the blowjob!!’

1 thought on “My best friend Febreeze”

  1. gutted i never do the housework it is me old girls job and it will be me wifes when i get married and all fuck hoovering when there is tella in the fridge. no english men expect houswork on the first date dont make us sound like irons compaired ot the sceptics will will still weigh em in the cheesey mugs american are all bark english men are all bite


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