Mint, Babies & Nurseries

Harriet has a nursery. I… don’t. Harriet, incase you are reading this from an exotic land and have just tuned into my life, is my best chick friend in Pontefract. We’ve accidentally fallen pregnant to boys, within a month of one another, that we had been dating for a rather brief, but very sexual amount of time. Luckily both our ‘handsomes’ adore us enough to keep us. I adore Harriet. We’re now both ‘preggo’ and like i said, she is not only going to face her labour raw..without the aid of numbing drugs, unlike MOI, who is not really too post to push, but too terrified. But Harriet has a nursery. (Again…like she did before, when she made me look like a rubbish girlfriend by taking her boyfriends last name..) is now making me look like a very rubbish Mummy to be. I have no nursery. There isn’t one. Her’s is all perfect, and pink & blue striped. ALL done by her handsome ‘other half’ Youngie. All Pete has done is made me cups of tea and warned me to lose my baby weight swiftly. (I am joking, before you all start to hate on him. lol) As i told her today, i have made the executive decision to enlarge a wall sized picture of HER nursery. Paste it onto a wall of one of our bedrooms and make like Loverboy and I bothered to design one, for our upcoming daughter. Pete and i have actually had a really meaningful lay down on the bed 20 minutes ago. I’ve been at work all day. (I KNOW…!!!) Afterward i always need a kitty cat ‘relax.’ Instead of nonsensing around. he zoomed up pictures of what our baby will look like right now, during my weeks stage of pregnancy. We talked names. He listenened to my *bump* and we talked ‘future.‘ He’s REALLY great at the whole daddy thing and it’s making me one very relieve Glamour Puss. Although, i’m eager. I’m very very terrified. I only have a few weeks left! I don’t need the time off to physically prepare. I’m a floozy. I’m sure i’ll shoot her out. I just need time to emotionally prepare. (It is getting rather emotional right now. I’m being very quiet for Me, really? It’s not that i’m cutting myself away from people. I’m just a bit distant with my thoughts. Which is pretty much…cutting myself away from people. I have a cunning plan…don’t worry! Code for: BE VERY WORRIED!)

Okay, today i’ve dissed ‘little girl’ drama. if you’re going to perfom acts of ‘Little girl’ drama around me, due to insecurity…make sure you’re doing it in heels and in my face AND not in pyjamas, via text! *Yawn.* I’m old now. I’ve beent here, done that and got the vagina rashes. 🙂 I’ve eaten sweets that we’re numbered from 1-300. I ate number 34 and number 39. Maybe infact, numbers 12, 42, 56 and 37. It’s weird eating candy with numbers celotaped on them. It’s kinda like mixing Willy Wonka and the National Lottery together. Just bizarre really. And rather pointless.

I’ve learnt that you never go left on your own. I’ve spent part of my day bullying, stealing and doing imaginary squats. Imaginary workouts are my favourite. Far more usual, if you only want to wear stilettos and not break a sweat. I tried to get a personal trainer to give me a testimonial today and all he came up with ‘You squatted and now you’re pregnant!’ Actually sounded great to me! I’ve encouraged blond people to be aggressive…topless, whilst telling them they have a ‘dirty boyfriend.’ Oh and bitches i’ve totally had a Nandos!

Before the Nandos, Pete was really pissing me off, by always doing that, we’re not going to eat there if we don’t get a discount thing. UGH! I HATE THAT!! If i want something, i want it and i want it now because i can get it. If i can’t get something, i usually not want it. Pete’s one of those annoying, always got to get a bargain boys. YUKKY. Apart from when he’s looking at appartments for £25 million. Weird? I told him off and got my way. It’s much better when that happens. I actualyl had fun. But then he forced me to go to his NEW addiction..which is supermarkets! KILL ME! There is nothing worse to me than a supermarket. The lighting, the draaging on of it, the having to hunt for things. BORING. I only enjoy pamper, fun, excitment and glamour. I’m dipped in deliciousness, with Hollywood bounce hair. Please let me not be by ‘on sale’ frozen peas! I’m trying to be a Goddess here. Not…cold! (Why am i dating a boy who is addicted to super market shopping!!?! )

Apart from all that and the fact that i’ve just tip-toed out of the shower after smearing my body in the juice of  7279 mint leaves. No joke! I wanted to feel the ‘tingle.’ I wanted to feel refreshed. (Glamour, Glamour, Puss, Puss!) I actually think my baby girl is going to come out early. I can just feel it. I honestly know that she wants to be out already! I stood under the shower neck, looked down at her, as the water trickled down on me. Realized parts that once maybe smelt like trout, now smelt like mint and just KNEW that she was ready! I can feeel it. I can! (Ooh my Irish chich friend who i first found in a bar, making out with a peacock in London is texting me!)

Anyway, enough of all this. I have a long work day tomorrow and i’m beginning to really not beable to rememeber ANYTHING. I’m not joking. It’s scary! Being Pregnant really does make you lose your memory, making being a blogger quite hard! I love that i have my eyelashes laid on the glass table next to me…chilling…like domestic pets….by biscuits! Last night Pete had *rumpy* with me. He loved it because he hardly gets to enjoy me these days, due to my *bumpage* and exhaustion. I accidentally touched things and i shouldn’t have and he mistook it for a sexual advance. LOL. We did it anyway and well yeah…i loved it! My faces during *rumpy* are hilarious. They’re more comedy now that i’m preggo. I find sex funny. Oh and today i also managed to accidentally text my friends girlfriend, instead of my actual friend. I’m like some kind of forgetful, clumsy granny..with boobies and wink that could make you giggle at sin! Luckily his girlfriend is ACE (THANKYOU LAUREN for veing ACE!) And therefore forgave me for being a twat! Woohoo!

Love you all! Thankyou for reading. No matter where you are in the world! 😉

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