Midgets in Martini Glasses

On a merrier note…(That last blog was bit much and now i believe i’ve depressed the world.) Wazza who is not only my manager of Cyberland and creator of this site, but also my best and baldest friend ever, has decided to refer to me as a ‘Cyberspastic.’ He believes i’m a spastic of the cyber sort because after ‘copy and pasting’…my computery skills are pretty much numb. I never got my head around computers? I guess the art of winking got the better of me? A far superior option.

Alongside that, he has decided to help me *juggle ball* my LA love life drama that i’m going through right now, by actually for once giving me sound advice. Even though the words ‘Shit, i’m meant to be making you feel better’ arosei do think that what he is saying actually makes sense, when sober. I’m shocked. He usually spends his time churning out advice to me, that i never listen to. I’ve learnt to listen now, after not really loving waking up in my own vomit after a night of booze and heartbreak. He actually makes sense. Yet, ofcourse  is still smart enough to NEVER take my advice. I’ll get carried away and let people commit to things for the sake of my own humour. It ends in tears! Yeah…very messy.

Now, i think about it, we’ve kinda really worked hard at this site to make sure it remains popular, it’s up with the times and kept it real. So once i’ve got all my books done and dusted. In the future Little Waz is in for a lovely financial lump. He says it will all end in a lovely law suit and then claims he hates it when i don’t invite him to my weddings.

I’ve had 4 now (weddings not marriages…all failures) and he’s only been to one. I only invited him to one, because i knew it would be a good one. Even I hated being at my other selection of weddings. 🙂 He pretty much wants me to have another one soon, because it’s been ages since the last one. I want a  big posh British one, to preferably Loverboy. Aaah, I do miss having my weddings. Not only are they over the top, super posh, glamourous occasions of ‘ooh…’ (apart from one that i did in a t-shirt, and another that i did in Vegas.) But my parties..hands downy.. are always the best! I spoil you kittens and simply because you deserve it.

So last night, i decided to take a time out and and watch a bit of telly. I love the Kardashians. Each and every one of them! Oh and i’m quite liking ‘True beauty’ right now. It was GREAT last night, when this girl called ‘Monique’ cried her eyes out because she was about to get eliminated. ‘I DESERVE TO BE HERE. I MIGHT NOT BE AS MUSCULAR AS THE OTHERS, BUT I HAVE GREAT CHEEK BONES AND I AM BEAUTIFUL! I DESERVE THIS!!’ Hahah..how tremendously disgusting. Weird really because i just thought she looked like a boy? But I love the end where the panel, made up of a gay, an elderly glamour puss and a current young hottie, show them what an awful person they really are! It’s evil!!! Best. show. ever. The kind of show, that i’d fail at!

Anyway one of the best moments of my telly watching last night was the Yorkshire Boy on ‘My Super Sweet Sixteen.’ His Daddy owns a hotel in Scarborough, which i didn’t even know was part of Yorkshire? The seaside to me, is a county on it’s own. A fun place, where you take your kids to ride donkies and eat rock. Anyway, ofcourse he claims to be the ‘Paris Hilton of Yorkshire.’ Erm..Oh he did NOT just try and steal my limelight. Firstly, if he was the Hilton of Yorkshire, he wouldn’t have worn a hoodie to his birthday, even if it did have diamantes. And Secondly, he refused to have midgets in giant Martini glasses at his birthday! WTF!?! Who refuses that! Midgets and martinis…in GIANT SIZE! No respectable person would EVER turn that down! I mean, i’d have dirty thug style, hip hop, gangsta midgets, having money bubble baths in my giant Martini glasses, who swear and scrub their crotches and everything! So even though i liked him…really he’s only the Hilton of Scarborough. Which he can have. (I actually went to school with the daughter of the Lady of Scarborough, called ‘Rose.’ She lived in a 36 roomed mansion and had a butler named George. I never saw her mum. I only ever saw her nanny. I remember her mum only being a shawdowed silhouette on the wall of a corridor smoking. Infact, I only once saw her in person. Then i got lost between the floors of her home.) Weird that i rmember that!

 Anyway, I have a lot on at the moment. The book is getting me all kinds of excited! The shoots for it and my website are boiling with Va voom. I’ve pleased my agent with my radio paragraph that ended up being a page. She really believes in me and for once i have finally have a decent celeb agent that i truely believe can deliver ‘The Wunna’ to the world correctly. I’m bubbling, i’m excited and at the same time being told that my cosmetics line is currently under testing. It’s actually taking forever to produce, to the point where i nearly forgot about it. Hopefully, they will get it all sorted out, so Wunnarettes around the world can *Draggy* themselves up, with a bit of my love. I love makeup, i love writing. My two favourite things all at once. But right now, i’m concentrating on the book and because the cosmetics line is taking so long. The blog i’m really loving and i’m really loving it because i’ve turned something that may be seen as something geeky, into something trendy, hot and fun. (I’m getting emails from party promoters who want me to do appear at their club for free. If people want to book me for something. The idea is to go through my agent. Free will only happen, if i just so happen to end up at the venue through random choice.)

Sooo…the pregnancy is all going well. Pete and I go to our first trimetser scan tomorrow. It will be the first time we get to see our little puss puss. So hopefully all will be dandy. I’m now craving lentil soup, which i’m ashamed of. How fricking ‘veggie delight’ of me. I’m gonna look like a homeless chinese bitch, if i continue in that manner. It’s hardly glamourous and just doesn’t go with what i stand for. The weight is actually starting to shimmie on now. But i’m not worried. I am a temple of superb genentic makeup.

Pete is actually going to an appartment viewing tomorrow. He’s going to move into a place by himself, as i’m just not ready to do any ‘moving in’ with a boy yet. It terrifes me, due to past *urks* and a fear of the loss of my independancy. I get all scared and commitment phobe and filled with haunting flashback galore. Previously we’d actually fight during the house hunt because i’d feel like i was being rushed and pressured into something. I actually don’t mind if he finds his own place, because it’s something i need to be *eased* into. Pete thought that if he didn’t rush me into it, i would change my mind about him. I enjoy how i’ll have his baby, but i’m too scared to sign a lease. His parents want him to find a place pronto. My parents just want me home..and simply because i never have been.

Other than that. I’ve recieved loads of messages from girls wanting to date George Sampson, last night. He wrote on my facebook wall, with an ‘Ay up trouble’ and when that happens, teenage girls galore begin inboxing me, and wanting me to set them up with him? I don’t know why this happens? But oh what power that boy has! It kinda makes him delicious. Is he old enough to date me yet? I’m sure he’s had a birthday since the last time i talked to him. 🙂

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